Not sure if it's my insecurities talking or I am seeing a red flag.

Discussion in 'BBW/FA Board' started by FatBarbieDoll, Jun 14, 2019.

  1. Jun 14, 2019 #1

    FatBarbieDoll

    FatBarbieDoll

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    Ask if you wanna be friends.,
    What do you make of it when a guy is supposedly attracted to your large body but does not want to be fat himself? I am talking to a seemingly great guy with whom there is supposedly mutual attraction and chemistry. This man has talked about wanting to, as they call it, "get ripped" and works out -- sometimes, at least, if I am correct. I don't know how often he does it or if he has even stuck to it at all.

    Anyway, if I recall correctly, he has talked about getting rid of belly fat (or something along those lines). At most, he has a little bit of pudge, but is pretty much thin.
    I ask myself if he can be genuinely attracted to me, a woman who is obviously fat at 300 pounds and has a very large, round gut when he does not want to have a body like mine.
     
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  2. Jun 14, 2019 #2

    SUCH GOOD DIAMONDS

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    I am really thin and athletic. I jog and I eat specific health foods and I am intense about my diet. That being said I love bigger girls. And I like staying thin because I want to be in good shape so bigger girls like me. I want big girls to like me as much as I want big girls so I stay thin if that makes sense.
     
  3. Jun 14, 2019 #3

    FatBarbieDoll

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    Would you say you are very health conscious and rarely eat junk food and get regular exercise? It seems that is what you said. I just am a bit skeptical he could really want me when he does not want to look like me. Is it like a fat body is "bad" or "gross" but not if it's his lover's?
     
  4. Jun 14, 2019 #4

    SUCH GOOD DIAMONDS

    SUCH GOOD DIAMONDS

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    Yeah generally health conscious. I don't like lift weights to be crazy or anything but I stay in shape. But I love big girls I think girls with big butts and tummies are really hot. So like I stay in fit shape because like I can go for a jog while she eats cake because I like big girls so I stay fit because I appreciate her you know.
     
  5. Jun 14, 2019 #5

    loopytheone

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    It's really common to find fit/athletic guys into fat women, or visa versa with fat guys. You don't have to want to be fat yourself to be attracted to fat people, the two things aren't really related.

    @happily_married is a good example of a fit, health focus man who is attracted to much larger women, for instance (hope you don't mind me name dropping you here, HM!)
     
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  6. Jun 14, 2019 #6

    happily_married

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    I don’t mind at all! I couldn’t be mad at you if I tried!

    OP, I’ll second @SUCH GOOD DIAMONDS take on it. I don’t work our hard so bigger girls will like me* (already married anyway) I work out because I like being in shape and looking a certain way. But that doesn’t mean I want that from my partner.

    It’s somewhat ironic because I’ve worked out with some insanely fit women who are the envy of every guy in the gym, and yet she doesn’t even make me hard!

    There’s nothing abnormal about how the guy you’re talking to feels. It also isn’t an indictment on your body that he doesn’t want to have the male version of it. There’s no substance at all to that dynamic, attraction simply doesn’t work that way.

    Be confident in yourself. You’ve posted enough pics here so I know what you look like and you have every reason to strut your stuff and believe it when a guy of any shape or size says he is attracted to you.

    *my wife isn’t the most visually stimulated woman but every now and again she makes a comment about what she likes. Sometimes I can’t do anything about it, but a lot of times I can. She likes chest, shoulders, and biceps for example. Guess what I do? I work my ass off in the weight room, esp those muscle groups for her specifically because I want her to want to eat me alive every time she sees me w no shirt on.
     
  7. Jun 14, 2019 #7

    Unbasher

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    I'm skinny, underweight in fact, and wouldn't like myself big. However, I'm a member of Dims for a reason: I'm an FFA and happy to be one.

    So yes, it's very possible your guy is into you. Good luck :)
     
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  8. Jun 14, 2019 #8

    Tad

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    The great white north, eh?
    And in fact getting involved with you may motivate him towards the gym -- both because he may assume that is what you want, and ti heighten the contrast.

    If that is not the look you like in a guy, then you need to find a tactful way to let him know.
     
  9. Jun 14, 2019 #9

    FatBarbieDoll

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    How do you define "big", though? I am guessing you really mean "a little overweight", like, a woman with a bit of pudge, not a 400-pound woman with a large, protruding belly, double chin, et cetera.

    It's been my experience overwhelmingly that guys who look like you are not interested in women like me -- not even for just sex.
     
  10. Jun 14, 2019 #10

    FatBarbieDoll

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    "It's really common to find fit/athletic guys into fat women..."

    We must live on different planets or what you define as "fat" is not what I define as fat. I was on Tinder and am on Bumble, though have not been motivated to use it since talking to this man and, save for less than 5 occasions (2-3, roughly), I never, ever matched/match with fit, attractive men. The ultra few times I did, however, the conversation went straight to sex and then the guys just stopped replying, unmatched me, whatever.

    In my opinion and experience, fit men may not necessarily desire a thin woman, but that does not mean they want one my size (300 pounds) either.

    I can all but 100% guarantee I will be rejected on Bumble if I come across the profile of a fit man and swipe right.
     
  11. Jun 14, 2019 #11

    FatBarbieDoll

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    I already think he looks wonderful and would love him just the way he is. I hope he is my promise.
     
  12. Jun 14, 2019 #12

    happily_married

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    I can’t speak for him, but as a fit guy whose wife weight about 416 pounds at this time last year I can’t tell you this: I loved it. I’ve said it here before, that I’m not fixated on a number on the scale, but when she told me she had passed 400 pounds it made me nothing short of proud to know my wife was that big. To know that the woman I’m married to is the biggest partner I’ve ever been with.

    Not only that, but for over 9 years of our 13+ years of marriage she has weighed over 300 pounds. Of that 9 years probably 5 of them have been over 350, with 1 year and some change north of 400 pounds.

    I do understand your hesitation to believe me, especially because of some of the experiences you’ve mentioned. Even I’ve encountered the “it’s ok to fuck fat chicks but not to be in a relationship with one and you’re a loser of you marry one” narrative. But not all guys are worried about that. I sure as hell am not. This guy seems interested be cautious but optimistic. Being overly defensive may result in him pulling away.
     
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  13. Jun 14, 2019 #13

    John Smith

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    Like I've once said to somebody here on this forum who suggested that aiming our attraction toward fat amd gaining people might been hypicrite if the woo-er wouldn't be large or enlarging thyself, a straight man can be deawn into large-breasted or bottom-heavy women and not desiring to be large-breasted or bottom-heavy himself.

    Desiring a peculiar category of people doesn't meant we want to be the very people.
     
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  14. Jun 14, 2019 #14

    Tad

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    The great white north, eh?
    Maybe a better way to say it is that thin FA make up a large portion of all FA. No, most thin people are not FA, but then again most fat people are not FA either. Basically what size you are doesn't have a lot to do with what sizes you are attracted to.

    More importantly, if he treats you well in public and in private, then I would trust his actions.
     
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  15. Jun 15, 2019 #15

    Bama

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    I wouldn't be concerned about him not wanting to have a body like yours in determining if this guy is worth your time. Your only concerns should be how he treats you in private, how he treats you in public, and if he's even wanting to spend time with you in public. As long as he is wanting to be with you in public and treating you well at all times, then don't worry about him wanting to get ripped. Just be sure that he knows that you are who you are and that he's not allowed to try to change you are try to influence you to change.
    It is possible for a person that is "ripped" or trying to be, to be attracted to a fat woman. Whether slightly chunky, fat, very fat, extremely fat, or morbidly obese; guys of all sizes find women in all of these size ranges sexy and beautiful. I, for one, am a power lifter and body builder. I have been told that I have a "ripped" body. I am attracted to fat women, BBWs, chunky girls, thick women, or whatever you want to call them. I wouldn't encourage my girlfriend to lose weight or exercise or eat healthy. If she wanted to go into my gym sometimes, that would be her choice. You would be surprised to find out how many weightlifters and gym rats are out there with fat girlfriends.
     
  16. Jun 15, 2019 #16

    Bama

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    I'm not sure why you've been having such a row of bad luck with men. I know that some guys can be jerks but not all of us are. Hopefully, things will be ok with this guy. There really are some fit/athletic guys out there that are into fat women. I know this because I am one of them.
     
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  17. Jun 16, 2019 #17

    Shotha

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    I haven't always been fat but I've always been an FA. I used to be a thin FA and now I'm a fat FA.
     
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  18. Jun 18, 2019 #18

    FatBarbieDoll

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    The thing here is the definition of the word “fat”. Like I said before, fit men may not necessarily want a stick thin or even fit woman for themselves but that doesn’t mean they want someone who is extremely heavy/morbidly obese/super morbidly obese either. This is why I’m not usually matching with thin and athletic dudes. A little overweight/chubby? Fine but not 300 pounds.

    Their standards — and perhaps those of men in general — may be more forgiving than we think but only to an extent.

    If you differ, I’m gonna say you’re the exception to the rule, as is that Happily Married guy. The vast majority of men who look like the aforementioned user will not have a committed relationship with a woman my size or larger — that is just a fact of life.
    At most, they may have sex with women my size or larger, but I haven’t even been getting that.

    People in general tend to stay within their leagues — it’s called “looksmatching” and has science to support it.
     
  19. Jun 18, 2019 #19

    bubba350

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    I can understand as a fat guy I felt like you. Why would a thin woman be attracted towards me. I always found it easier to talk to other fat women. We obviously have something in common. So the conversation flows and if sex is going to happen no one is going to be surprised by what we find in the nude. I have dated thin women the relationships did not last. I haven't had the opportunity to meet a real female fat admirer.
    Unless she is very open about it I am also going to have doubts
    If he is open with you and proud of your appearance and is eager to admit his preference to friends and acquaintances. Then you can relax.
    Maybe you have some fat admirer in you if so tell him.
     
  20. Jun 18, 2019 #20

    happily_married

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    As much as I want to encourage you that fit guys who like bigger girls are out there, I have to acknowledge you’re on to something here. Sort of like what I mentioned earlier in this thread, some guys will draw the line at committed relationships with bigger girls, even if they’ll have sex with them in secret. The experience I mentioned above happened on a fitness community forum, and it was hilarious because after people found out I had a fat wife nothing I said there mattered anymore, regardless of how technically sound it was.

    I think most here will acknowledge people who are attracted to bigger women are a minority, but I don’t necessarily buy that we’re unicorns either. That notion simply doesn’t pass the eye test. Not only that but back when I was still single I found my success rate pursuing bigger girls was no higher than before when I pursued so called “hot” girls. The take away there being these women were not desperate to take the first fit guy who came there way, they clearly had other options. So I don’t think guys like me and @Bama are outliers so much as we may just be a standard deviation away from the mean.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2019
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