StrawberryShortcake
Well-Known Member
After reading umteem pages and answering the obligatory umteen questions while studying for my midterms I just had to take a break and put down what was on my mind and because this is the only place in the world that would even remotely understand me. I am throwing out this little message in a bottle to you Dimensions...
I'm sure y'all have heard me say this before but, ever since I was little I have always wanted to be fat. But I am not fat. I am chubby or plump. If I was a guy I would probably be the quarterback of a football team. But I'm not a guy. I am a sturdy, feminine woman. I live a simple life. I go to school full time. I live alone. I am the middle of 5 kids. I eat more than 5 servings of vegetables every day. I take my multi vitamins. I like to be on a stable schedule but I find my routine constantly disrupted by much enjoyed bouts of debauchery... sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon, living off of only my favorite foods at my favorite restaurants. Honestly, I could make a list about 2 pages long or I could just tell you that I morph into a total sloth if the oppourtunity arises. I get veeerrry slllllooooww. And I like it. But then after a few days I get to thinking about all the things I have to do and how honesty laying in my bed surrounded by empty candy bar wrappers is not all it cracked up to be. So after a few more days of debating whether or not to get up and buy more candy bars I actually start to move and then a few weeks later I'm swimming laps and eating up baby squash like peanut m&m's. It's an ongoing cycle.
It makes me sad to not be fat. More than I think people could ever know. But I know that it is not my time. I feel that giving into my desires now would take away something very special that could be enjoyed later on in life, when I am married. I wonder if every guy I date thinks that I want to marry him in particular? Be assured that is not the case! I just don't want to open my self up physically to a person that I have yet begun to know. I hate this facade of sensuality and intimacy that people try to create prematurely. Just because I am outwardly modest does not mean I am frigid. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Maybe it sounds stupid to some people but I just want be able to give my fatness as a gift to my future husband. Also, I feel that now is the time for me to focus on God, reality, and my education. It just sucks sometimes though, I feel people get the wrong impression of me. That's why I chill with the nerds. Nerds are where it's at. NerdDs 4 LYFE, ESE!!
I'm sure y'all have heard me say this before but, ever since I was little I have always wanted to be fat. But I am not fat. I am chubby or plump. If I was a guy I would probably be the quarterback of a football team. But I'm not a guy. I am a sturdy, feminine woman. I live a simple life. I go to school full time. I live alone. I am the middle of 5 kids. I eat more than 5 servings of vegetables every day. I take my multi vitamins. I like to be on a stable schedule but I find my routine constantly disrupted by much enjoyed bouts of debauchery... sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon, living off of only my favorite foods at my favorite restaurants. Honestly, I could make a list about 2 pages long or I could just tell you that I morph into a total sloth if the oppourtunity arises. I get veeerrry slllllooooww. And I like it. But then after a few days I get to thinking about all the things I have to do and how honesty laying in my bed surrounded by empty candy bar wrappers is not all it cracked up to be. So after a few more days of debating whether or not to get up and buy more candy bars I actually start to move and then a few weeks later I'm swimming laps and eating up baby squash like peanut m&m's. It's an ongoing cycle.
It makes me sad to not be fat. More than I think people could ever know. But I know that it is not my time. I feel that giving into my desires now would take away something very special that could be enjoyed later on in life, when I am married. I wonder if every guy I date thinks that I want to marry him in particular? Be assured that is not the case! I just don't want to open my self up physically to a person that I have yet begun to know. I hate this facade of sensuality and intimacy that people try to create prematurely. Just because I am outwardly modest does not mean I am frigid. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Maybe it sounds stupid to some people but I just want be able to give my fatness as a gift to my future husband. Also, I feel that now is the time for me to focus on God, reality, and my education. It just sucks sometimes though, I feel people get the wrong impression of me. That's why I chill with the nerds. Nerds are where it's at. NerdDs 4 LYFE, ESE!!
