Root origin of my attraction to fat women: figured it out

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Sonic Purity

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Anyone who’s been attracted to fat people and/or being fat themselves has likely been asked something like “Why? What’s the attraction?”, or perhaps internally wondered. After a lifetime of the usual “It’s just how i am”, “I’m made that way”, etc., the origin of this attraction for me (personally and specifically) has come into my awareness.

Something happened when i was an infant, which somehow went Very Wrong for me in terms of my needs being met. I was a normal vaginal birth, and my mother assures me i was breast fed. Stable mid-20th. century U.S. nuclear family: married father and mother, new baby, owned home, father had job. It’s not that my parents made any (known) mistake(s) or that there was something intrinsically wrong with me: it may have just been an unfortunate mismatch. Something related to cuddling, nurturing, and maternal bonding did not work out for me, leaving me with a life-long gaping hole of need/desire for “infinite” soft, warm, loving cuddles.

So why (US | SS)BBW?
When you’re an infant, no matter the adult-judged size of your mother, Mom’s huge! And soft. And warm. And loving. And your source of life, food, security, and all other needs. Scaled up to adult proportions, very soft, warm, affectionate, loving femme people represent the manifestation of what i as an infant so dearly needed and somehow failed to get (enough of).

This explains almost everything, in terms of my attractions and interactions:
  • My strong attraction to intelligent, communicative, often powerful (in some way) women: who’s more powerful to a newborn than Mommy?
  • Extremely powerful attraction to plentiful warm fat softness, anywhere and everywhere on a BBW body: comfort and security!
  • Why i tend to be deferential/borderline submissive in intimate interpersonal relationships
  • Strong interest in/attraction to big breasts, with so far unexplored desires for possibly benefitting from an adult nursing relationship. (Human breast milk could be highly beneficial for some of my un-health conditions, the latter of which may have roots back in childhood.)
  • My sense of ease, comfort, and often security being around fat people (any/no gender, though especially fat women—cis, trans, whatever)
  • My tendency to want to latch onto fat lovers, seeking the security and comfort of being able to continue sharing physically intimate contact
  • My interest in affectionate cuddling more than (what most people think of for) sex, with restful, sensual skin-to-skin contact in a friendly, loving context being ideal
Plus likely more things not coming to mind right now. I’ve let this idea marinate in my mind for a couple of months now before posting, hoping the wording will be clearer and better. It will never be optimal.

This does not directly address the lusty/sexual aspects of my powerful life-long attraction to fat women, other than for adults in our culture, it seems most common and easiest to arrange for intimate loving extended-time skin-to-skin contact in sexual-romantic arrangements. Maybe deeper insight into this aspect will be forthcoming, at some point.

If you have thoughts on any of this, or wish to share your own personal insight on the specific root(s) of your fat attraction, i look forward to your posts below. Otherwise, thanks for reading!
 

waldo

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I agree that big fat mama is someone that you never forget and never leaves your psyche. My own mother actually quizzed me as to whether my inherent attraction to fat women has anything to do with her own rotundness. I think is does to some extent. But that is an oversimplification. It is more likely that having a fat mama is something that makes the budding fat admirer more likely to be able to accept him/herself. In contrast coming from a family of skinnies may make the fat admirer more likely to be self-loathing and also hateful of those to which he/she is attracted (the saddest situation we have in this 'community').
 

LJ Rock

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Thank you, @Sonic Purity for so candidly sharing your experiences. I can relate to a lot of what you've said, and I suspect that while each individual has their own path that has brought us all here to this place we all find ourselves (FAness) there are likely some universal aspects to our respective journeys. It's fascinating how a "perfect storm" of sorts of environmental and circumstantial conditions can lead to us being imprinted with these kinds of predilections or tendencies.

My mother seems to be at an age now where she feels the need to voluntarily "confess" certain things from the past. She made it known that I in fact was not breastfed as a baby, unfortunately... so yeah, that explains A LOT (not just as far the fetish and the desperate need for comfort/consolation is concerned, but health issues, etc. as well) I think as a really young child I had the same sorts of needs for cuddling, nurturing, feeling comforted by soft, plush textures as described in the original post, but I think another key factor for me personally was a mildly-traumatic event that happened just as I was entering puberty.

It's entirely possible that I may have completely outgrown my need to for these comforts as I got older had it not been for the fact that at the age of ten I found myself feeling completely isolated and alone due to being transplanted into a new community when my family moved to a new state. At that time (and I had to sit through a lot of therapy sessions to really unveil this for me) my psyche was looking for the familiar sorts of comforts and coping mechanisms I had known as a young child, while at the same time I was developing sexually.

I also happened to have a grandma who was a major feeder. lol She was a stable presence in my life during times when the rest of the world around me seemed to be in chaos, and her mission to fatten up her grandkids I think somehow helped to transform the fantasies that came from seeing the childhood cartoon scenes of stuffing and expansion from being innocuous and silly things into something powerful and lasting. The perfect storm, if you will.

In the end, maybe it doesn't matter so much the reasons why. But I think that anything we can do to have a deeper insight into ourselves and what make us tick can only help us to be better people, and maybe give us a better understanding of the world around us too. Maybe.
 

Sonic Purity

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Thank you both @waldo and @LJ Rock for sharing your thoughts and experiences on this subject.

In the end, maybe it doesn't matter so much the reasons why. But I think that anything we can do to have a deeper insight into ourselves and what make us tick can only help us to be better people, and maybe give us a better understanding of the world around us too. Maybe.

In the past i’ve been asked “What is it you really want?”, during initial interactions for friendship and/or romance. I feel that having this (new to me) clarity in my own mind will in the (hopefully near) future help me better/more accurately answer this question. Indeed, i may point individuals asking these sorts of questions to the opening post in this thread. In the past, i only had wishy-washy “Mmm, well…” hesitant answers, which those with whom i was dealing seemed to find off-putting. This sort of clarity certainly won’t solve everything in terms of my dating difficulties, but having clearer, truer knowledge of what i seek and thus able to represent myself more accurately when i put myself out there may help.

Aside: love your art, LJ! I’m using “art” in the general sense, covering your visual art, written words (stories), and even other forms of art you may have done which i’ve yet to experience.
 

LJ Rock

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Aside: love your art, LJ! I’m using “art” in the general sense, covering your visual art, written words (stories), and even other forms of art you may have done which i’ve yet to experience.

Thank you so much! I appreciate you saying that. :)

It certainly can be difficult to establish a meaningful relationship with someone when you're unable to definitively quantify or effectively communicate exactly what it is you want from said relationship, and it's difficult to know what it is you want when there are some many missing pieces from our past or parts of ourselves that are unclear. I feel like that's one of the things that has made this community so invaluable to me personally, is that insight that can be gained from openly interacting with others who have been on their own journeys alongside us.

Glad that you've found some clarity, @Sonic Purity, and I hope it helps you find what you're looking for. :)
 

waldo

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..........My mother seems to be at an age now where she feels the need to voluntarily "confess" certain things from the past. She made it known that I in fact was not breastfed as a baby, unfortunately... so yeah, that explains A LOT (not just as far the fetish and the desperate need for comfort/consolation is concerned, but health issues, etc. as well) I think as a really young child I had the same sorts of needs for cuddling, nurturing, feeling comforted by soft, plush textures as described in the original post, but I think another key factor for me personally was a mildly-traumatic event that happened just as I was entering puberty..........

My mother was only 29 when I was born, but she had difficulty producing breast milk. Once it was discovered to be a problem, I think she mostly defaulted to bottle/formula. I am assuming it was the same with my 2 year younger sister (her and my Mom never have been that close.....) So I see a common thread, but I would be very interested to see if there is a real trend amongst male FAs (and others) on this issue. Well I am sure there is lots of psychological research on breastfeeding versus not and the subsequent outcomes, in general. But for FAs? Still a lot of territory to mine for an enterprising psychology researcher!
 
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LJ Rock

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My mother was only 29 when I was born, but she had difficulty producing breast milk. Once it was discovered to be a problem, I think she mostly defaulted to bottle/formula. I am assuming it was the same with my 2 year younger sister (her and my Mom never have been that close.....) So I see a common thread, but I would be very interested to see if there is a real trend amongst male FAs (and others) on this issue. Well I am sure there is lots of psychological research on breastfeeding versus not and the subsequent outcomes, in general. But for FAs? Still a lot of territory to mine for an enterprising psychology researcher!

My mom was about the same age when I was born. Back in the 70s that was actually considered kind of old to be having your first child (I am an oldest.) Not sure how much her age had to do with it, likely had more to do with her inexperience and her somewhat fragile psychological state at the time.

I've often thought it would be interesting to take stock of all these various environmental and circumstantial conditions and create some sort of a poll or a survey to see how many folks went through similar things. It's something that one would have to put a lot of time and thought into, but it could yield some illuminating results.
 
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I've often wondered, if my attraction to fat men is something that I inherited genetically from my mother.

The story in my family was like this. My mother had many suitors but she rejected them all. The rest of her family started to worry that she would be "left on the shelf". When she met my father, they had a whirlwind romance. He left the army and proposed to her. She accepted his proposal.

My father was a big fat man. So, my mother rejected all the other men that showed an interest in her and married the fat man. I wonder if she was a chubby chaser and I inherited this trait from her genetically, because I'm only attracted to fat men.
 

mathfa

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Absolutely makes sense to me. I believe there’s all kinds of inherited traits which so far have been difficult to see/tease out from all the environmental and other factors.
In general I'm a nature over nurture person, ive found in my experience that this holds true more often than not. So I feel like for many of us, it's just something we were born with. I can remember finding larger people interesting to look at since I was a small boy. Obviously didn't know it as a sexual thing until 13 or 14.
 
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@Sonic Purity Thanks for posting, and thanks for sharing your insights! I can relate to a good deal of what you and others have shared. I need to process my own experience but will try to formulate it on here in the days/weeks to come.

As LJ said, I think all of us in this community have our own experience in this area, but there are certainly similarities. And I REALLY relate to wondering most of my life "why do I like what I like?" Will write more at a later date
 
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I've always been very fascinated by what, "flips the switch," for this attraction. I'm considering writing a book about it-- and possibly the fat admiration community as a whole. If anyone has some unique insight I'd be happy to reciprocate a chat.

My belief is that nothing "flips the switch" for this attraction. I think that we are born this way.

Fat evolved for biological reasons. Mammals find life hard, and in many cases impossible, without fat, which enables us to survive for long periods without food. Fat would be of no use in this way, if there were no individuals, who were attracted to fat individuals. I think that the majority of humans are attracted by fat to some degree. Otherwise, fat would not be able to help us survive. I think that FA's are just at the extreme end of normality in this respect.

Since I'm gay, I tend to compare fat attraction and homosexuality. Since has now clearly demonstrated that people are born gay rather than turned into homosexuals. In the same way I think that FA's are born and not made. I think that this too is part of our sexual orientation.
 

waldo

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You're welcome.
It was an unusual teenage years - book worm, jock, and an apartment with big women and teens LOL
When I really think about it, I conclude that there is no reason it must be only life-experience or an inborn orientation that results in the path to being an FA. It is surely a combination with a distribution between 0-100 and 100-0. So not an easy thing to pin down definitively. I am just glad I ended up in this 'camp'.
 

Tad

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My belief is that nothing "flips the switch" for this attraction. I think that we are born this way.

Fat evolved for biological reasons. Mammals find life hard, and in many cases impossible, without fat, which enables us to survive for long periods without food. Fat would be of no use in this way, if there were no individuals, who were attracted to fat individuals. I think that the majority of humans are attracted by fat to some degree. Otherwise, fat would not be able to help us survive. I think that FA's are just at the extreme end of normality in this respect.

Since I'm gay, I tend to compare fat attraction and homosexuality. Since has now clearly demonstrated that people are born gay rather than turned into homosexuals. In the same way I think that FA's are born and not made. I think that this too is part of our sexual orientation.

Just from what I've read elsewhere (not claiming any deep expertise in this area at all!), gender identity and gender sexual attraction seem to be largely set by birth, but from what I understand 'they' think that most kinks take root in the 2-4 year old age range. Apparently there are higher levels of sexual hormones at that age and we kind of map out in more detail what is to be desirable to us. But that is before the age where we retain much conscious memory, so by the time we remember our thoughts and feelings we just know that "we've always been that way." I suspect that there is more to it than that, that there may be a genetic or in utero component that guides that development a bit more, but that is just my guess.
 

waldo

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Just from what I've read elsewhere (not claiming any deep expertise in this area at all!), gender identity and gender sexual attraction seem to be largely set by birth, but from what I understand 'they' think that most kinks take root in the 2-4 year old age range. Apparently there are higher levels of sexual hormones at that age and we kind of map out in more detail what is to be desirable to us. But that is before the age where we retain much conscious memory, so by the time we remember our thoughts and feelings we just know that "we've always been that way." I suspect that there is more to it than that, that there may be a genetic or in utero component that guides that development a bit more, but that is just my guess.

Interesting, but I can't help wondering what kind of evidence these 'researchers' have supporting this theory about 'kinks' developing in 2-4 year old kids who have anything but sexual interactions on their mind. That seems like just a wild theory. Then again, I guess it is no more speculative than the nature versus nurture issue in general.
 

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