Thanks again to everyone who’s posted above. It’s interesting the many facets and considerations each of us brings to the table/discussion.
Before i make my point, this for Donna in the Dimensions system caught my eye:
member: 58
Now that’s O.G.!
Back to our discussion:
The visual creatures thing seems to be one of many tired stereotypes. I mean, rewinding back to the savannah, how exactly was a woman selecting whom she’d allow to mate with her? Did she just let the men beat each other up and go with the survivor? Did she wait until he was close enough to read his scent? Wouldn’t she have had some visual considerations?
What about love at first sight? I’ve not noticed that being a one-way thing in romance novels—at least not most of the time. Sure it can be one-way, as can love triggered for any reason, but i’m sensing far more symmetry.
This is not directed at any specific individual. It’s just something i’ve noticed from experience over time, of which Donna’s post reminded me:
Woman writes “touchy-feely”: all is well.
Man writes “touchy-feely”: CREEPER!
I used to use that term as it was accurate for me, but the results were very bad.
Going to respectfully disagree with you on that last sentence, waldo. My personal experience inside my own non-binary head and with other people is that there can be greater differences between individuals classified under a given binary gender than individuals between the classifications. Very broad, sweeping generalization, yes you are correct as you wrote your sentence, but those generalizations so effectively marginalize people like myself i cannot let them go with no comment.
I wasn’t in any kind of closet; i just lacked the terminology/language for what i was about. Given the paucity of options, i went with Broken or Defective Man. It took me all the way until 2018 researching a musician i admired and being upset that she got to be something nifty and wonderful on the gender spectrum and i had nothing. Then i carefully re-read the definition for her self-classification. Then i dug deeper. Then i looked back to my history—something no one can manipulate, as it is the past, unchangeable. Taking these new conclusions and dropping it on this chart (least-worst one i’ve come across so far. I welcome superior, more refined options):
I come out right about like this:
It’s very blurry in my brain. Some days, some moments, i’m nearly a stereotypical man inside my head. Other moments that day, or other days, i’m at the other end, or more often somewhere in between, ever-shifting.
Gender expression blurs too. Difficult to blur with clothes, so at any given time things like clothing would be one point somewhere on that line. Behavior others can see, such as body language, on the other hand can shift as rapidly as inside my mind, so the overall presentation can indeed be that blurry.
Trying to pigeonhole someone like me into a binary category of Man or Woman is highly problematic, and to me, often damaging. Biologically there is not any question whatsoever that i am hard-pegged Male, non-ambiguous. Yet my brain doesn’t work like that of a stereotypical man. The brain of Sonic functions differently than either of the Man or Woman binary classifications.
Non-binarily yours,
Before i make my point, this for Donna in the Dimensions system caught my eye:
member: 58
Now that’s O.G.!
Back to our discussion:
I've heard all my life men are visual creatures (my mother used to say it as a motivator to get me to lose weight.) My personal experiences have been different. I don't know if it is because I am a touchy-feely person myself, but all but one of my former partners were extremely tactile.
The visual creatures thing seems to be one of many tired stereotypes. I mean, rewinding back to the savannah, how exactly was a woman selecting whom she’d allow to mate with her? Did she just let the men beat each other up and go with the survivor? Did she wait until he was close enough to read his scent? Wouldn’t she have had some visual considerations?
What about love at first sight? I’ve not noticed that being a one-way thing in romance novels—at least not most of the time. Sure it can be one-way, as can love triggered for any reason, but i’m sensing far more symmetry.
This is not directed at any specific individual. It’s just something i’ve noticed from experience over time, of which Donna’s post reminded me:
Woman writes “touchy-feely”: all is well.
Man writes “touchy-feely”: CREEPER!
I used to use that term as it was accurate for me, but the results were very bad.
I have a thought: what if it is six of one and half a dozen of the other? In other words, what if men are (on average) equally visual and tactile (but both being of the physical nature), while women are a more even mixture of physical and emotional/mental? Regardless, we can (should??) pretty much all agree that the brains of women and men function differently; and that inherent difference continues to make our interactions with each other 'challenging'![]()
Going to respectfully disagree with you on that last sentence, waldo. My personal experience inside my own non-binary head and with other people is that there can be greater differences between individuals classified under a given binary gender than individuals between the classifications. Very broad, sweeping generalization, yes you are correct as you wrote your sentence, but those generalizations so effectively marginalize people like myself i cannot let them go with no comment.
I wasn’t in any kind of closet; i just lacked the terminology/language for what i was about. Given the paucity of options, i went with Broken or Defective Man. It took me all the way until 2018 researching a musician i admired and being upset that she got to be something nifty and wonderful on the gender spectrum and i had nothing. Then i carefully re-read the definition for her self-classification. Then i dug deeper. Then i looked back to my history—something no one can manipulate, as it is the past, unchangeable. Taking these new conclusions and dropping it on this chart (least-worst one i’ve come across so far. I welcome superior, more refined options):

I come out right about like this:

It’s very blurry in my brain. Some days, some moments, i’m nearly a stereotypical man inside my head. Other moments that day, or other days, i’m at the other end, or more often somewhere in between, ever-shifting.
Gender expression blurs too. Difficult to blur with clothes, so at any given time things like clothing would be one point somewhere on that line. Behavior others can see, such as body language, on the other hand can shift as rapidly as inside my mind, so the overall presentation can indeed be that blurry.
Trying to pigeonhole someone like me into a binary category of Man or Woman is highly problematic, and to me, often damaging. Biologically there is not any question whatsoever that i am hard-pegged Male, non-ambiguous. Yet my brain doesn’t work like that of a stereotypical man. The brain of Sonic functions differently than either of the Man or Woman binary classifications.
Non-binarily yours,