Root origin of my attraction to fat women: figured it out

[Shotha]

Just from what I've read elsewhere (not claiming any deep expertise in this area at all!), gender identity and gender sexual attraction seem to be largely set by birth, but from what I understand 'they' think that most kinks take root in the 2-4 year old age range. Apparently there are higher levels of sexual hormones at that age and we kind of map out in more detail what is to be desirable to us. But that is before the age where we retain much conscious memory, so by the time we remember our thoughts and feelings we just know that "we've always been that way." I suspect that there is more to it than that, that there may be a genetic or in utero component that guides that development a bit more, but that is just my guess.

It's more difficult to pin down what causes sexual preferences other than sexual orientation. I have a feeling that many "kinks" will be described as "preferences", when it is found how many people have them. I'm talking about changes in the English language (semantic shift) here. But here's a funny story.

My dad was a fat man and we had many other fat men amongst our family and friends. By the time that I was 4 years old, I thought that fat men were wonderful. I wanted to be a fat man, when I grew up. I started to pad, because I wanted so much to be a fat man. We had a friend, whom I was encouraged to call Uncle Roy, even though he wasn't related to us. I thought that Uncle Roy was wonderful and I wanted to be a big fat man just like him. I noticed that my dad and the other men called Uncle Roy Fatty. At 4 years of age, I lacked the maturity to observe that they only called him Fatty behind his back and never to his face.

One Sunday morning, my father was reading the newspaper in the living room, my mother had gone out and I was playing in the kitchen. Uncle Roy appeared at the back door. The kitchen door was open and the porch door had one large glass panel. Uncle Roy open the porch door and stepped inside.

"'Ey up, dad, Fatty's here!" I yelled with delight.

My dad came into the kitchen to say hello to Uncle Roy, who was very upset about being called Fatty.

"If a lad of mine said that, I'd give 'im a scuft round the ear," said Uncle Roy.

My dad tried to dismiss the matter as a childish triviality.

In the moment my world fell apart. I realized that other people didn't view be fat as the positive, beautiful and desirable thing that my four-year-old mind did. I realized that most fat people were ashamed of being fat. I had to keep my desire to be a fat man and my padding as dark secrets, until I discovered Dimensions.

 

[waldo]

It's more difficult to pin down what causes sexual preferences other than sexual orientation. I have a feeling that many "kinks" will be described as "preferences", when it is found how many people have them. I'm talking about changes in the English language (semantic shift) here. But here's a funny story.

My dad was a fat man and we had many other fat men amongst our family and friends. By the time that I was 4 years old, I thought that fat men were wonderful. I wanted to be a fat man, when I grew up. I started to pad, because I wanted so much to be a fat man. We had a friend, whom I was encouraged to call Uncle Roy, even though he wasn't related to us. I thought that Uncle Roy was wonderful and I wanted to be a big fat man just like him. I noticed that my dad and the other men called Uncle Roy Fatty. At 4 years of age, I lacked the maturity to observe that they only called him Fatty behind his back and never to his face.

One Sunday morning, my father was reading the newspaper in the living room, my mother had gone out and I was playing in the kitchen. Uncle Roy appeared at the back door. The kitchen door was open and the porch door had one large glass panel. Uncle Roy open the porch door and stepped inside.

"'Ey up, dad, Fatty's here!" I yelled with delight.

My dad came into the kitchen to say hello to Uncle Roy, who was very upset about being called Fatty.

"If a lad of mine said that, I'd give 'im a scuft round the ear," said Uncle Roy.

My dad tried to dismiss the matter as a childish triviality.

In the moment my world fell apart. I realized that other people didn't view be fat as the positive, beautiful and desirable thing that my four-year-old mind did. I realized that most fat people were ashamed of being fat. I had to keep my desire to be a fat man and my padding as dark secrets, until I discovered Dimensions.

Oh nice point!! The desire to be fat or be close to a fat person potentially can have NOTHING to do with sexuality. It is a feeling of comfort and familiarity and also fat people give the best hugs

 

[Shotha]

Oh nice point!! The desire to be fat or be close to a fat person potentially can have NOTHING to do with sexuality. It is a feeling of comfort and familiarity and also fat people give the best hugs

For me the desire to keep getting fatter is very much to do with identity. I like to be seen to be the fat man. I'm also attracted to fat men. After I started dating fat men, I realized that I still wasn't satisfied, because my dream was of two fat men together. I still think that the great component of my desire to be fat is to do with identity.

 

[ChubbyPear]

I personally prefer fitter men, but I have been involved with the fetish community for a very long time. I can tell you that most groups formed around particular fetishes have these same discussions. I think that with many fetish interests, we are indeed "born with it."

 

[Tad]

I agree that identity is the under-discussed side of fat attraction. Identifying as a fat person (or wanting to), being most comfortable with people who identify as fat, etc. People get all excited to talk about sex, but identity can be at least as powerful a motivator.

 

[Shotha]

I agree that identity is the under-discussed side of fat attraction. Identifying as a fat person (or wanting to), being most comfortable with people who identify as fat, etc. People get all excited to talk about sex, but identity can be at least as powerful a motivator.

I have to agree that people get excited, when the talk is about sex. Identity is a much more elusive subject. However, the huge number of people, who are unhappy with their bodies, is a clear indicator of the importance of identity.

 

[Gigi_is_me_me]

Thank you for all the replies. Here's something I find interesting. When speaking to people established in size acceptance communities they're more apt to say, "people are just born that way." However, I've had this conversation with most of the men I've dated, or that were long time friends, and they almost always identify some significant moment when they realized that they were attracted to larger women.

For example my Ex-Husband, he had a moment in his youth where he happened to see a larger scantily clad woman, admiring herself in a mirror at a friend's home. That's when he recognized his attraction to larger women began. Most of the men, I mentioned above have had similar stories. It's all very fascinating to me.

 

[ChubbyPear]

Thank you for all the replies. Here's something I find interesting. When speaking to people established in size acceptance communities they're more apt to say, "people are just born that way." However, I've had this conversation with most of the men I've dated, or that were long time friends, and they almost always identify some significant moment when they realized that they were attracted to larger women.

For example my Ex-Husband, he had a moment in his youth where he happened to see a larger scantily clad woman, admiring herself in a mirror at a friend's home. That's when he recognized his attraction to larger women began. Most of the men, I mentioned above have had similar stories. It's all very fascinating to me.

I don't think being born with it, and being able to pinpoint when you realized it / what brought it out, are mutually exclusive.

 

[Tad]

I don't think being born with it, and being able to pinpoint when you realized it / what brought it out, are mutually exclusive.

^^^^^ exactly. There are lots of things that are there within us that we don't realize until some situation or other makes them relevant.

 

[Gigi_is_me_me]

That's a fair point.

 

[Shotha]

It's always fascinated me that something we're born with can become apparent in some of us before puberty but with other people it takes a lifetime for them to realize what their preference is.

 

[Tad]

It's always fascinated me that something we're born with can become apparent in some of us before puberty but with other people it takes a lifetime for them to realize what their preference is.

And sometimes the signs were there but we couldn't read them. I didn't figure out that when it comes to fat folk I'm pansexual (if that is the right term for 'don't really care about what gender you are, its all good') until my mid 20s. When puberty hit some of my most intense crushes were on other chubby guys, but I somehow didn't recognize those as crushes. For that matter although some of my earliest erotic fantasies involved me gaining weight along with others, I somehow didn't accept how much my own gain turned me on for years, instead just focusing on how I was attracted to heavier women.

 

[Shotha]

And sometimes the signs were there but we couldn't read them. I didn't figure out that when it comes to fat folk I'm pansexual (if that is the right term for 'don't really care about what gender you are, its all good') until my mid 20s. When puberty hit some of my most intense crushes were on other chubby guys, but I somehow didn't recognize those as crushes. For that matter although some of my earliest erotic fantasies involved me gaining weight along with others, I somehow didn't accept how much my own gain turned me on for years, instead just focusing on how I was attracted to heavier women.

When I was eight years old, I was going back to school with my mother after the lunchbreak. I still believed in God back then. I remember thinking, "If God intends for me to get married to a girl, then it's very strange that he made more good-looking boys than girls."
I knew that I preferred the fat boys, but I didn't realize that it was an exclusive preference until I dated a skinny guy and it didn't work.
It took me a while longer to work out that my dream was of two fat guys together. So, I started gaining.

 

[Bigdj1977]

For me the desire to keep getting fatter is very much to do with identity. I like to be seen to be the fat man. I'm also attracted to fat men. After I started dating fat men, I realized that I still wasn't satisfied, because my dream was of two fat men together. I still think that the great component of my desire to be fat is to do with identity.

I agree with the identity part for myself. Long before I had sexual thoughts, I was fascinated by and admired fat people. Being fat and also being seen as a fat man is a very important part of my identity. And while I am sexually attracted to fat women, my own fat and my partner’s fat are so much more than just a sex fetish for me. Being large and heavy gives me comfort and reassurance about myself as a person.

 

[waldo]

I agree with the identity part for myself. Long before I had sexual thoughts, I was fascinated by and admired fat people. Being fat and also being seen as a fat man is a very important part of my identity. And while I am sexually attracted to fat women, my own fat and my partner’s fat are so much more than just a sex fetish for me. Being large and heavy gives me comfort and reassurance about myself as a person.

Seems like a good argument to turn the current physical attractiveness/worth dynamic on end and flip the entire thing around. Why shouldn't it be desirable to be fatter than everyone else and also to desire a partner on that upper end; as opposed to the flip-flop situation we currently deal with.....

 

[TwoSwords]

Some of these are probably part of my own psychology. Also, my sense of touch is considerably more noticeable to me than my other senses, in terms of the joy I get when using it. Strong flavors are wonderful, but a pillow and a soft bed are more so, and I've always been like this, even when I was a toddler. I've been told that I would curl up in my mother's lap with my milk just before bed, while she wore her silky nightgown when I was less than three. Then, one night, I was given a bottle before my mom had gotten ready for bed, and suddenly, I was gone. They eventually found me in my mom's closet, with one hand on her nightgown, while it was still on its hangar.

A story reminiscent of the Harlow experiment, and one I don't mind sharing, because, like those monkeys, the sense of touch obviously matters to me a ton. Indeed, it's one of the reasons I eventually decided I had to start gaining weight myself.

 

[Donna]

I've heard all my life men are visual creatures (my mother used to say it as a motivator to get me to lose weight.) My personal experiences have been different. I don't know if it is because I am a touchy-feely person myself, but all but one of my former partners were extremely tactile.

 

[Rojodi]

I've heard all my life men are visual creatures (my mother used to say it as a motivator to get me to lose weight.) My personal experiences have been different. I don't know if it is because I am a touchy-feely person myself, but all but one of my former partners were extremely tactile.

My wife heard that from many of her friends, hell those "friends" said it to her IN FRONT OF ME!
I heard from my friends that as an athlete, I should NOT be around "fat chicks".

Men who like fat women like fat women, and won't listen to their friends or her friends.

 

[waldo]

I've heard all my life men are visual creatures (my mother used to say it as a motivator to get me to lose weight.) My personal experiences have been different. I don't know if it is because I am a touchy-feely person myself, but all but one of my former partners were extremely tactile.

I have a thought: what if it is six of one and half a dozen of the other? In other words, what if men are (on average) equally visual and tactile (but both being of the physical nature), while women are a more even mixture of physical and emotional/mental? Regardless, we can (should??) pretty much all agree that the brains of women and men function differently; and that inherent difference continues to make our interactions with each other 'challenging'

 

[waldo]

My wife heard that from many of her friends, hell those "friends" said it to her IN FRONT OF ME!
I heard from my friends that as an athlete, I should NOT be around "fat chicks".

Men who like fat women like fat women, and won't listen to their friends or her friends.

I do 1000% agree with what you are saying, in principle. Unfortunately, when it comes to pro athletes and other figures with major public image 'concerns', people absolutely DO listen to their friends and everyone else. Well, we are still waiting for a significant pro athlete to admit being gay, and gays are much more accepted these days than FAs are by far (we get HAMMERED over the health aspects issue). Will I see a superstar athlete be an open FA before I die??? I tend to think no, and that is sad, because I think statistically they must be out there (past and present).