Five ways she let's me know she loves me without saying so:
She adores my grandson and he adores her. It often seems as though they are more excited to see each other than they are to see me! When she is over and he is here, she takes time to play with him and cuddle with him always. They even have a secret handshake!
She kisses me in front of anybody and everybody. When we first got together, we had to steal kisses in the elevator. Now, she doesn't hide it and I couldn't be prouder of our relationship. Now, we are not doing full-on make out sessions or anything, but it's just the thought that she cares enough for me to not care what others think. She's not embarrassed about me and it shows.
She always asks if I want more. And not just about food .'Nuff said!
Every time I go to her place, she greets me at the door. It could be raining, cold, or snowing. When i get out of the car, she opens the door and waits for me to come to her. Usually, she is wearing something that I really like and she knows I like it. She gives me a big hug and kiss before I step into the door. Our height difference is such that when I wrap my arms around her, I have two hands full of beautiful, BBW booty!
She calls me Tiger. And she says it in a way that's so arousing, in a low, sweet, growl.
These days, I try to live life with more of a “servant’s heart” than perhaps earlier in life. The consequences of that are usually good in the respect that I feel I am happier making others happy rather than just myself. Since that is part of my makeup, part of my character, I don’t often dwell on that aspect of my life. I’m not consciously thinking, “How can I serve this person today?” Rather, it’s just how I operate now.
So, it came as surprise the other day, when Hannah and I were just having conversation, that she brought up how much she thinks I cater to her in many ways. This happened after we were discussing her future plans. I’ve been a big proponent of her going back to school to get her MSN (Master of Science in Nursing). The great thing about this area is that there are so many opportunities in the healthcare field and our employer is big on tuition assistance, especially for nursing degrees.
She thought it would be daunting to juggle work, school, maintaining her apartment, car insurance, buying groceries, etc. That is when I had an epiphany. She could move in with me (us)! It would probably be a win-win for us all. Her lease is up in July, school will start in late August, she can have her own room if she wants, and she can save lots of money. I even told her that if things ended up not working out between us, that she could continue to stay there until she was done with school or wanted to leave. I would not bother or pressure her in that regard.
As I was outlining the benefits to such an arrangement, you could see the wheels turning in her mind. At first, she was looking at it as a purely business decision. She asked how much I wanted her to pay! I laughed and told her she didn’t have to pay a thing. I’m already paying my mortgage and everything else. Of course, she insisted. So, I told her that she could contribute to the groceries. She offered to cook as well, which is always great.
After mulling over the logical aspects of this idea, I saw in her eyes how she was considering the “fringe benefits” of such an undertaking.
One thing that I’ve enjoyed immensely with Hannah is how we’ve grown to understand each other’s love languages. It may come as a mild shock to some (not so much to others) that a vast majority of my love languages involve the psychological facets of love and relationships as opposed to the physical. Conversely, Hannah is the opposite. She is really responsive to our physical interactions; all those little things that I do to let her know she is loved, valued, and desired. She likes the mental things as well, just as I enjoy our physical intimacy. She knows that she can give me a look or a caress, and I am all hers for as long as she wants.
After our conversation about school, she just gave me this look; an “I’m going to wear you out tonight!” look. It immediately made my heart race. And wear me out, she did! Goodness I am soooooooooooooooooo lucky!!!
Well, this week brought so many revelations and surprises. Over the course of the past couple years, I had not kept up with the landscaping my ex had planted. Once all the flowers died after she left, I didn't plant anything new. I did keep up with the bushes and such but otherwise, not really my thing. Yes, I mowed the lawn (I'm not a barbarian after all).
First, Hannah wanted me to go to Lowe's with her. Turns out she wanted to buy some flowers to plant and other stuff. I've always told her that if/when possible, we can always use my military discount (even though we're not married). So we got good deals on all she wanted to buy. I thought initially that she bought too much for what she would put in her apartment, but I didn't say anything. Turns out, I was right! She bought all that stuff to plant at my house! I was taken aback by this gesture at first. Then she dropped a little hint about wanting her yard to be pretty. That made my heart beat a little faster.
Second, I was told that Hannah's mom would be visiting next week! Now, I've spoken to her mom a couple of times via Skype but the thought of meeting her in person kinda scares me. She's always been nice and speaks to me with respect but I'm getting the "now you are gonna really get grilled" vibe from Hannah. I can only hope things go well.
You are the man making her (grown, adult) daughter very happy. Mom probably wants to make sure that it is all real and not just an illusion, but otherwise she's probably predisposed to adore you. Show respect and consideration (which I know you will), and maybe just a tiny bit of sass or at least humour (which I strongly suspect you will, I feel there is a sense of humour that you mostly keep under wraps here), and things should be good
Well, last week Hannah’s mom came for a visit. To say I was nervous about meeting her in person would have been an understatement. She arrived Saturday evening around 3 pm. I was unable to go with Hannah to the airport, as I was watching the little guy. I had assumed that we would probably meet the next day, but apparently, she insisted on meeting me that night! Hannah called and asked if 6 pm would be okay to come by. Since it is always great when I see her, I said yes.
When they arrived, Jami and I were waiting at the door. He almost fell trying to run out and hug Hannah. As it turns out, them coming at this time was another blessing. Arlene (Hannah’s mom) had been an elementary school teacher for over 20 years. She got to observe Jami doing his thing (he’s all about letters, numbers, colors, and shapes). When I told her that he was just two weeks shy of being 2 ½, she was quick to point out that he’s very advanced (which I always felt but it was nice to get a “professional’s” opinion).
Our first visit went very well enough. In between engaging with Jami, I tried to pay as much attention to Arlene as I could, taking the time to answer her questions thoughtfully. I made sure to be very respectful that she was Hannah’s mother, so I refrained being too handsy with Hannah (although Hannah had no qualms about it). We are usually quite affectionate, especially when we’re alone.
I think Arlene kept things light in this initial meeting. She didn’t ask me anything too deep or overly personal. Since I knew that she was coming for a visit, we had planned to have a dinner out in a couple of days and also one at Hannah’s place. At one point I was downstairs getting the little guy something to eat and Hannah yelled down, “Can you get me a Coke, Tiger?” When I came back upstairs, Arlene says, “Tiger? What’s that about?” Thinking better of it, I suggested she ask Hannah.
The real grilling came a couple of nights later when we were having dinner. I got to Hannah’s about 4 pm and as always, she greeted me at the door. She gives me that big, long, wet, passionate kiss that I so love and for a moment, I forgot that her mother was there. As I’ve mentioned before, her height coupled with the step up into her apartment, makes for her hips to be at the perfect level for me to wrap my arms around her and squeeze her lovely, large rear. When we finally walked inside, her mom was standing there, eyes wide. If it were humanly possible, I think I would have blushed!
Hannah had just put the meatloaf in (she makes this ridiculously delicious meatloaf with tomatoes and shredded cheese baked in), when she claims that she forgot something and needed to run to the store. I offered to go for her, but she declined and told me to “hold down the fort”. I had already figured out that this was a ploy to get me alone with her mom.
I sat down on the couch and instinctively grabbed a pillow. I felt I was going to be on the defensive for a while. I tried to throw her off her game by immediately trying to start some small talk: How was her visit going? Did she see or do anything interesting? She said she enjoyed being with Hannah and seeing where she works. She was also elated to see that Hannah was so happy and in high spirits.
She told me that before Hannah left home, she was in such a broken and depressed state. She then remarked that I was a little shorter than she imagined but didn’t look as old as she thought I would. I attributed that to (mostly) clean living. She laughed at that.
I was still feeling a bit awkward when she went into “serious mode”. She told me that Hannah seems to be more than smitten and in fact, is downright thankful that we met. I let her know that I am as well. I also let her know that I was in a sort of bad place for quite a while before meeting Hannah.
Arlene touched on some things that Hannah has told her about me, but I guess she wanted to hear it straight from me, so I basically gave her the whole scoop. Then she asked a really pointed question: What is it about her that I find attractive? Of course I smiled when she asked this, since I know it’s something most parents ask their children’s paramours.
In no particular order, I said she is kind, caring, compassionate, helpful, intelligent, fun, affectionate, loving, patient, sweet, intuitive, giving, honest, mature, thoughtful, transparent, strong, hard-working, loyal, passionate, and dependable. And that my grandson absolutely loves her. She said that she noticed that.
Then she asked me something that I was not really ready to answer. She asked if I would marry Hannah. I was taken aback by the question and I wasn’t sure how she’d take my answer. The short answer would be yes. At this point, if things worked out, I would. BUT (and you know I like big BUTTS), I told her that I would not ASK her to marry me. Ever.
This seemed to upset her a bit and she asked why. I told her that I simply love Hannah. She has been such a light in my life. But asking her to marry me is asking her to take on several burdens that will be hard (if not impossible) to overcome. I am much older, in fact, I am closer to her mother’s age than her own. I’m slowing down and my health issues aren’t getting too much better. How can I ask this young, vibrant, beautiful woman to marry me; have to take care of me sooner rather than later? My divorce left me in a financial hole that’s going to take years and years to dig out of. How can I ask her to step into that? And frankly, my daughter is an ungrateful you-know-what. But I tolerate some of her crap for the sake of my grandson. I couldn’t, in good conscience, ask her to marry me, knowing all these things. I can’t truly love someone and then ask them to take all that on when I know she can do much better than me. That would be the height of selfishness and I couldn’t bear to know that I dragged her down like that.
For a long time, Arlene just sat there, pondering what I said. She finally told me to tell Hannah how I feel; to let her know that I wouldn’t marry her. I stopped her at that. I didn’t say I wouldn’t, I said I wouldn’t ask. I didn’t say anything about not accepting. She looked at me strangely. We batted this idea back and forth a little while and in the end, she made me see that there was little difference in which way things went as long as I was open and truthful. In fact, I hadn’t considered how it would make Hannah feel if I DIDN’T ask (if/when it got to that point). And I conceded, that I might have been too altruistic in refusing to ask. So, I told her that I’d think more on that. The last thing I would ever want to do is make her not feel valued.
It had been about 45 minutes and Hannah hadn’t come back from the store, even though it’s only 10 minutes away at best. There was still a tension in the air when Arlene said, “Tiger, huh”? I felt a little embarrassed again. Then she said, “All I know is that you make my daughter very, very happy. We talk about everything. EVERYTHING. So, whatever you are doing, keep doing it. I hope you stay together as long as possible.”
Right on que, Hannah opened the door. For being gone so long, I noticed that she only had a bottle of wine and some butter to show for her time spent at the store. The meal was good, and we laughed all night long.
They came over to my house a couple days later and Hannah cooked another great meal. Arlene commented that Hannah knew her way around my kitchen pretty well. For some reason, I got a warm feeling about that; as though it fit perfectly. The next day, Arlene called me from the airport and let me know that she was glad that she came out and doubly glad that we got to spend a little time together. She hoped that there will be many more visits.
So, it’s been over two months since Hannah’s mom was here. Those first couple of weeks after she left, things were slightly strained between Hannah and me. Though we continued to hang out and see each other, I felt there was a tension in the air at times. It turns out that we were both waiting for the other to address the whole marriage situation.
I’m happy to say, that because of how I’ve treated her and expressed my faith, love, and dedication to her on many occasions, Hannah finally felt the courage to ask me to clarify what I told her mom. For some reason, she got the message that I would never ask her to marry me and that this meant that she wasn’t good enough. Like the children’s game of telephone, the original message became distorted down the line.
I had to explain to her what I meant when I said that I wouldn’t ask her to marry me but would gladly marry her if that’s what she desired. So, I likened asking her to step in and take on my burdens to being asked to run into a burning building. If I ask you to run in there and save my dog or important papers or whatever, I know there’s a good possibility that you could get burned, injured, or even die. How selfish must I be to ask that of you? Even though asking you to run in and get what’s important to me, I would hate myself if something happened to you. In the same way, I would hate myself if, some years from now, you grew to despise the burdens of my life that you were forced to take on. I told her that I know she can easily do better than me.
After dinner, we sat on the couch together cuddling and watching television, mostly in silence. My guess is that she mulled over all that I had said, and finally concluded how I meant it. All at once, she sat up and turned to me with tears in her eyes. I was a little fearful of what she was going to say. But instead of something negative, she made the butterflies in my stomach do backflips.
She said, “You have been absolutely incredible with me. You’ve been kind, patient, loving and so compassionate. You didn’t run away when I was struggling to trust you. You didn’t judge me or berate me when I told you about all the shit I went through. You brought me out of my shell in such a sweet and gentle way. You opened your arms even wider and held me even closer. You didn’t try to use me or make me feel small or worthless like others have done in the past. You make me feel like a fucking Queen everyday and I like that. I love that. I could never give that up, no matter what.”
She went on to say, “If you feel bad asking me to marry you, don’t. It’s going to happen, one way or the other. We were meant to be together. And besides, I told you when we first got together that I would take care of you when you’re old. Plus, you are going to have one fat Social Security check!” I busted out laughing at that last line and she was smiling that beautiful smile, even with the tracks of her tears still on her face.
We held each other for a long time after that; letting the moment sink in. The realization that we were both heading toward the same goal and both determined for us to succeed was like a great weight lifted from our shoulders. I found myself breathing more easily and also aware of how deeply Hannah was breathing. We kissed and cuddled for a long time and got worked up pretty good.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. We both sorta freaked out a bit. I had to “situate” myself before heading toward the door to answer it. But then we heard a key going into the lock. I was half ready to have to fight someone when her roommate opened the door. She was supposed to be working until 10 or 11 pm but got off early.
I think she could tell we were in the middle of something because she excused herself and went directly to her room. We gathered our stuff and went into Hannah’s room. I started gathering my keys and wallet but apparently, Hannah was already in GWS (Great White Shark) mode. She gets in this mode where she is utterly insatiable and acts like an apex predator in the bedroom. I said, “Oh the Shark has come out to play?” She just grinned and pulled my shirt off. So, things are going very well.
b) "I told her that I know she can easily do better than me." This is taking modesty and self-deprecation too far. You may have issues, some of them difficult. But you are clearly a top notch human being that anyone would incredibly fortunate to have in their life. We are fortunate to have you on Dimensions, she is fortunate to be in a relationship with you. Please give yourself credit for for having ended up as a wonderful person.
I’ve been off Dims for the better part of a week due to a serious event that took place last Sunday. Hannah’s mom and dad were in a car accident on Sunday the 11th. Hanna wasn’t notified until late on Monday, after her shift. She was so upset and distraught. She was going to get in her car and drive all the way to North Carolina (about a 12hr drive) after she just worked a 12hr shift! I begged and begged her not to do that. I finally convinced her to fly out first thing in the morning. She would probably get there at about the same time, she would be rested (at least a little), and most importantly, she would be safe.
I got up extra early on Tuesday and drove her to the airport. The whole way there, I tried to reassure her that things would be alright. Her mom was pretty much okay, but her dad was not doing good. She was anxious and visibly upset. It hurt me to see her in such pain. When I dropped her off at the airport, I could feel her body trembling. Kissed her lightly on her cheek and told her that I loved her. She hugged me so tightly and returned my affection. Then off she went with nothing but a carry-on bag.
I went to work and knew I wouldn’t be hearing from her until later that night (if at all that day). I resisted the urge to call her every hour on the hour. At about 9 pm she called me. She was absolutely exhausted and spent all of her time going back and forth from her mom’s room to the surgery waiting room. Her dad three surgeries to repair various internal organs. And he was scheduled for more. Arlene was being kept for observation as she had some slight brain swelling and fractured ribs with minor cuts and abrasions. Her sister (the person that notified her) had made it down from Virginia and they were both terrified for their dad.
I’ve been a little bit of a mess this whole time, worried about her and for her. We’ve spent some very late nights talking on the phone, addressing hopes and fears and dreams of the future. Arlene is out of the hospital and they are all doing their best to keep their spirits up. Apparently, Hannah has been grilling the hell out of the doctors and nurses taking care of her dad. Afterall, it’s what she does for a living.
As of last night, it sounds like he is slowly improving but has a ling way to go. I spoke with Arlene last night and she thanked me for talking Hannah into flying. I told her, “What else is an old man good for if not for a bit of wisdom.” She told me not to make her laugh because it hurt to laugh right now. When Hannah got back on the phone, she was just so sweet to me and it reaffirmed that God is watching.