The Reality Of Dating An SSBBW

Discussion in 'BBW/FA Board' started by largenlovely, Apr 26, 2008.

  1. Apr 26, 2008 #1

    largenlovely

    largenlovely

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    I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol

    It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.

    This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose :) You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?

    I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.

    Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.

    I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.

    So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell :)
     
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  2. Apr 26, 2008 #2

    BeautifulPoeticDisaster

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    I think a lot of guys who are "into SSBBW" are in denial about what it takes to live the reality of being with a ssbbw.

    Even Mike, being with me has taught him so much. I have had to train him and point things out to him and explain why certain things are impossible. Guys, even the really good guys, just don't get it sometimes. It take patience to teach FAs how out bodies actually work.

    As for a music festival...are you crazy??!?! LOL. I would have had a long talk with him before hand about walking etc. Even at 375, when I was very fit, I wouldn't have tried to go to a music festival. I hope things worked out for you then and he didn't give up.

    I know what you mean though....a long time ago I was chatting to a guy near me who wanted to go on a date with me. I was at my heaviest weight then and he had a monster truck. I turned him down and explained that if he ever wanted to date a ssbbw he should get a car that wouldn't make her feel like a freak. We didn't talk much after that, lol.
     
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  3. Apr 26, 2008 #3

    TCUBOB

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    For the record, Melissa, I own a smaller car for the gas mileage. And the fact that I have a short commute. And, well, I got tired of first one, then the second, Exploder being in the shop...


    But there is a grain of truth to your musings....
     
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  4. Apr 26, 2008 #4

    BeautifulPoeticDisaster

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    There's more than a grain of truth! How are you going to date someone that doesn't fit into your life? And your car, you transport to everywhere...is part of your life. Just sayin......
     
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  5. Apr 26, 2008 #5

    largenlovely

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    LOL he was very intent on going to it and i thought maybe i could handle it .. i managed, but damn i was hurtin' lol

    very good point I suppose i was lucky and Bruce has come pre-trained lol He's been very good so far about thinking of these things. Though i do still worry. We're working on moving in together and i'm ready to give him a LIST when apartment hunting time comes hahaha..no stairs, full bathtub, large space between the commode and any cabinets, etc etc lol
     
  6. Apr 26, 2008 #6

    largenlovely

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    I can understand economics can be tough...but we fat girls can be expensive. i mean, we require large meals, sometimes two seats on a plane, a car that we can fit in..and things of that nature...not sure that there can really be a compromise. I mean, if my man had to choose between a nicer small car and a larger clunker i'd be perfectly fine with the clunker....i dunno...it's quite the conundrum

     
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  7. Apr 26, 2008 #7

    BeautifulPoeticDisaster

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    Yup. A SSBBW is a financial commitment. We require all sorts of special things....and replacement of broken things. The reason I am home alone right now is that we couldn't afford a round trip to the states for me....2 seats. :( I'd rather be comfy and look ghetto than look post and be absolutely miserable!
     
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  8. Apr 26, 2008 #8

    largenlovely

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    don't even get me started on broken things ;) hahaha

    but yeah i hear ya..flying puts me into a state of panic. We don't buy two seats but we should. I try to view all of the flights to see which one is less crowded and least likely to fill up before the day arrives. It was much easier from Atlanta because it's a non-stop flight to NY..but now that i'm back in Mobile there will always be a connecting flight *ugh* so that's even more to worry with.

     
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  9. Apr 26, 2008 #9

    D_A_Bunny

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    You are so right about the car. My husband owned a Camaro when we first met, his dream car. I was not SS at the time, but still very large. He immediately made plans for a larger car. Every car we have had or even considered since then, is with my size and accessbility in mind.
    Even with our second car, the one he drives to work, has to fit me. And he has a long commute so we are very concerned with gas mileage, but he makes sure I can fit. He even took the old seats out of his old S-10 Blazer to put in a bench seat so that I could fit in it.
    Our main car is a Chevy Caprice that is large and roomy. Still, he keeps talking about a Caprice wagon that he keeps seeing for sale. Like, hey babe, just think how roomy that would be.
    And none of our cars are new. We can only afford used, but we get what we can.
    The one car we did buy new in 1993 was a Ford Taurus that I really wanted. We told the sales guy we wanted to only look at ones that had a bench seat. Well, most didn't, and he kept showing them to us. Hubby is like, I SAID I want a bench seat. The guy is like, but why? and hubby turns and points to me and says, its for her, that's why. And the guy finally showed us the only one they had on the lot. We ended up buying it and I loved her for a long time. Eventually I did outgrow the car, but I LOVE my 1995 Caprice.
     
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  10. Apr 26, 2008 #10

    largenlovely

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    good old fashioned ingenuinity..you gotta love that ...that's awesome

    I had a hard time giving up little sports cars but it got to where i just flat out couldn't drive them. A few years back i got an older buick lesabre and that thing has been fabulous. I'm a shorty and so i have to scoot up close to the wheel but now my belly is getting too big for that...someone said i can get blocks for the pedals..gonna have to come up with *something*

    my boyfriend drives an Envoy and it's comfy but i'm so short that he has to give me a boost to get up into it, or he'll get in and reach over and grab my hand and help pull me up. It would be fine for a taller fat woman, i suppose he didn't expect to be putting a short fatty like me in it lol

     
  11. Apr 26, 2008 #11

    JayInBuff

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    I've never been with a SSBBW but do find them very attractive. I'm married so unless my wife gains I probably never will. But if I was single I wouldn't intuitively know all the needs that a SSBBW would require. Please be patient with us as even if we mean well, we might not realize what is needed.
     
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  12. Apr 26, 2008 #12

    jecniceguy

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    Hi there, I usually dont post much on here, but I am glad I found this thread as I was have been thinking of this lately. I have been dating a woman for a few months now, and she is probably around 400lbs.
    I have thought about things like going to a restarant, movie theaters, etc. and considering here size. Usually, I suggest ideas to her, and leave it up to her to decide what we are doing. That way it is her call, and she knows what she can and cant do. But I would love to get any tips I can to avoid anything that would come up that would be uncomfortable for her. I did make the mistake of thinking I would pick her up in my little ford ranger on our first date. Ever since then, she does the driving now in her caprice. I didnt like the feeling I had, like I hadnt thought of her and her size.
    She is also rapidly gaining weight, and I dont know what the future will hold, and what other obsticals are laying ahead, but I would love any info or advice. thanks!
     
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  13. Apr 26, 2008 #13

    largenlovely

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    That's a perfectly reasonable response. I think by posting i meant to prompt fella's to think about these types of things, but instead it may have came across as a rant lol

    Though...it can be quite frustrating to see or hear of men who claim to be interested in dating an ssbbw only to find that they know nothing of the realities it entails...it makes a woman question whether or not they truly *are* interested in having a real life relationship, or if they are merely caught up in fantasy.

     
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  14. Apr 26, 2008 #14

    Ample Pie

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    Worse yet is when they don't know and then get mad when they find out. So hurtful. I'll be patient and helpful if you won't be shocked by and rude about the special circumstances of the lives of the supersized :).
     
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  15. Apr 26, 2008 #15

    jecniceguy

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    that is my worst fear, that my lack of knowlege or awareness will be taken as I dont really care for her. There are times when I dont realize something, and I can tell by her attitude that I should have thought it through more. I really dont like that feeling. I dont want to always have to ask her what she can or cant do. I think it would mean more to her if she knew I thought ahead, and she didnt have to say anything. I guess this is all a learning process, would be nice to have a class you could take though, lol.
     
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  16. Apr 26, 2008 #16

    largenlovely

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    yes..the movie seats are another i forgot to mention..definitely something to think about beforehand :)

    It's very nice that you're trying to be considerate and thinking about these things. I would definitely avoid anything that would require lots of walking, unless it's an event that you both would like to go to or something. My boyfriend's friends invited us to a renaissance fair and he mentioned it to me and was already planning to either buy or rent a scooter by the time the event arrives. Though, it also depends on the girl..some girls are embarrassed to use scooters. God knows i love the things lol

    Being open and asking and trying to think beforehand means a lot :) You can't think of everything all the time (as bigbellyssbbw mentioned) but just knowing that your guy is making the effort goes a long way

     
  17. Apr 26, 2008 #17

    Ruby Ripples

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    We do understand that you can't know it all, but we're not even talking about intuition here, we are talking about a supposed ssbbw admirer taking an ssbbw into a crowded restaurant, then walking ahead, squeezing through tiny spaces between tables... or striding along a street at a brisk pace with no thought as to the clear fact that his companion is maybe 8 inches shorter but 250lb heavier, so cannot keep up. Those are things that should be obvious really to anyone, FA or not, yet unfortunately they aren't.

    It's understandable that you might not have considered that she could have problems like climbing up into a high vehicle, since you wouldn't be expected to know the height/weight/physics issues involved :p. Also, you wouldn't be expected to know any particular woman's stamina for walking or any activity, as it can vary so much. I was taken on a date to a sushi restaurant, I asked the guy to check first and see if it was benches and tables bolted to the floors... he checked and yes, sure enough it was. I could see the lightbulb light up in his head when I asked him to check and he was quite horrified looking that he had not thought about it. But, I wouldn't have expected him to realise that I couldn't fit in there, since most people can, so it's not something obvious perhaps. However, I WOULD have expected him to notice if the restaurant was packed and that it would be difficult for me to squeeze through. See the difference?

    So yes, we're not hard women, lol, but sometimes things which are pretty obvious are not taken into consideration.

    Melissa, I went to the cinema last Summer with a friend and when we got in, we discovered that I couldnt fit in the seat!! Luckily the seat wasnt much lower than the arms, so I kinda wedged myself in, one butt cheek up the side of the arm, lol. It wasn't comfy, but I wanted to see the movie! I fit into other cinema seats though, except the old cinemas with seats from about the 30s... so obviously different places have different sized seats.
     
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  18. Apr 26, 2008 #18

    largenlovely

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    oh goodness hon that sounds like a bad experience :( whatever it was, i'm sorry you had to go through it

     
  19. Apr 26, 2008 #19

    largenlovely

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    well some things DO take time to learn..but if are genuinely trying i'm sure she will be happy to see you making the effort :)

     
  20. Apr 26, 2008 #20

    olwen

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    I might be able to help with this one. Dating a SSBBW just requires a lot of planning. Call ahead to the movie theatre to find out if they have stadium seating, wheel chair accessible screens, and armrests that go up. I know which theaters here have armrests that come up and I go to those. I'm not quite super sized anymore, but even at my weight it's still and issue. If you live in a city with art house movie theatres they will probably have tiny seats. At least here they do. I've skipped many a movie because of that.

    Same thing with the restaurants, call ahead or go there ahead of time to see if they have ample seating - like no booths and enough room in the aisles to accommodate a scooter/wheelchair.

    One time a few years ago my friend and I were hanging out and we were both getting hungry. He hates asian food which I love, so the nearest restaurant was out. He wanted a diner. I was leary cause a lot of diners in that neighborhood have only booths. So we started walking and we went past 5 diners and nearly 12 hungry blocks because I couldn't fit. We were both getting hungrier by the minute. He was getting frustrated and the tone in his voice changed to near anger about how far we would have to walk before a good diner came up, then I snapped at him about how after 5 years of friendship (now 8 years) he should know that I can't fit in a restaurant booth. I was on the verge of tears when I offered to just go home so he could have dinner. For all his faults, he's a good guy. He apologized and said No no, we'll go back to the asian place. It's been a while since I had wonton soup anyway.
     
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