"All the nice girls love a bastard!"

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lille

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What. Is. Happening?
I have no idea. I don't understand why he's on the BHM board if his whole thing is being tiny, which the women here are not into. He should go terrorize some other board,.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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tinytoddy

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I think it is the idea of the roll reversal where I am the petite wimpy one who is with a much larger woman who controls all because she can due to her size. So yes I am a FFA. I have met and been with women that were so strong and they made me feel so small. It was very appealing to me. It was all in fun and a lot of them actually enjoyed that sense of power. Some were in abusive relationships and being with me knowing that me trying to be abusive would be quite comical. And they never flipped the script and were abusive to me. I also admired that as it showed great character.
 

JayDanger

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I've totally lost the girl to a "bastard" (several bastards in fact)
I've DEFINITELY been the "bastard" (more than once)

The phenomenon is simple to me. The heart wants what it wants, and usually it's way less about looks than it is about personality.

Sometimes there's things about the "bastard" that outweigh the "bastardly" traits.

Some fellows look at my career/industry and think that I'm a bit of a "bastard" or "bad guy", but I know for a fact a lot of women respect my hard work and respect driven attitude. While I might look like a bastard to some, the women who desire me desire me for specific reasons.

In turn, it may be that some other guy going for the girl I'm going for may seem like a bastard to me, but those traits that are bastardly to me might not be big deciders for the lady in question.

Just my two cents anyway...
 

loopytheone

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I've totally lost the girl to a "bastard" (several bastards in fact)
I've DEFINITELY been the "bastard" (more than once)

The phenomenon is simple to me. The heart wants what it wants, and usually it's way less about looks than it is about personality.

Sometimes there's things about the "bastard" that outweigh the "bastardly" traits.

Some fellows look at my career/industry and think that I'm a bit of a "bastard" or "bad guy", but I know for a fact a lot of women respect my hard work and respect driven attitude. While I might look like a bastard to some, the women who desire me desire me for specific reasons.

In turn, it may be that some other guy going for the girl I'm going for may seem like a bastard to me, but those traits that are bastardly to me might not be big deciders for the lady in question.

Just my two cents anyway...
This is so true and something that I wanted to say.

If you lose a girl/guy to another person, you are almost always going to think that person is a jerk/not as good as you and see the negatives in them. Chances are you are trying to say to yourself how much better you are than this person in order to make yourself feel better. So if you are unlucky in love then if will always seem like women go for jerks because you perceive them as jerks for winning over women you like.

This works the other way round too. If you win over a guy/girl that somebody else likes then they will see you as a jerk and focus on your negatives and then complain that girls/guys only like jerks. This has happened with my friends so many times. When I first got together with my ex he was sweet, charming, romantic and couldn't have been more gentlemanly and wonderful. Yet to my male friends who fancied me? He was a jerk. They would have made better boyfriends. Even when I split up with my ex the response of said male friends was mainly about how much better they were than him. How they wouldn't have made me 'x, y and z' and they would have done this or that. So to them, I had decided to not go out with those 'nice guys' that they were and go out with a 'jerk' instead, even though at the time that 'jerk' was the kindest and politest one of the bunch and the one who treated me the best.

Not to mention that a lot of the time people will see their exs/people who hurt their friends as jerks regardless of what happened before. For instance, did my ex act like a massive asshole when we broke up? Yep. Was he a jerk? Yup. Do my friends have a right to be angry at him? Of course. But he wasn't a jerk when I started going out with him. And I didn't stay with him b.ecause he was a jerk, I put up with those traits as they appeared. So the chances are that if you see a guy/girl with somebody you think is a jerk then: a) they probably aren't a jerk, you are just trying to make yourself feel less jealous; b) they probably weren't a jerk when they won over that person; and c) people can put up with jerkass traits if the person is otherwise good.

This was a long ramble, sorry about that.
 

derpVader

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yes I volunteer at a community centre i love it i made a ton of new friends including this one girl she was sweet a little shy has these beautiful hazel eyes just adorable we started to get to know each other then became facebook friends we knew each other for quite a while when i finally plucked up the courage to let her know how i felt she was really sweet about it but she said she was interested in this other guy now i don't know the guy personally but several people i know do and he is apparently a real controlling, possessive dirtbag who treats the women like dirt and is into some pretty heavy bdsm type stuff and of course despite everyone warning her and saying he is not a good guy she went ahead and got together with him and since then she hasn't even seen her own family in 6 months she left one day and hasn't come back except to grab some of her stuff previously she was living with her family because i know her mother

since then we have barely spoken also we used to spend hours chatting on facebook and now i got a four word reply from her about 2 months ago she is a fool and i have tried to stay at least friends with her because i care about her safety and welfare but she has just cut everyone out except this guy god know what he gets her to do because she didn't have a whole lot of self esteem to begin with.
 

Cookie

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The thing that gets me about this phenomenon is when guys feel sorry for themselves because they can't get a girlfriend. Yes, the other dude might have some very visible bad traits, but it's other qualities in him that his girlfriend finds attractive. Usually when these nice guys refer to 'jerks' they just mean any other man that has wooed over a girl they're interested in - and how they don't treat the girl as nicely as they would. But I do not know many girls (including myself) who are attracted to overly nice guys, it feels awkward I think, humans aren't meant to be just nice all the time. And putting on a nice act to impress women and promising to treat her like a 'Queen' or whatever, no, as fellow imperfect human beings we're very happy to see your flaws - everyone's got them - and learning to deal with and support them will make for a stronger relationship. Also the girl isn't likely to be permanently, unnaturally nice back either. It's the self pity too - if a woman finally decides to end it with a 'nice guy' then he's going to wonder why she dumped him and will now look for jerkish men. I mean why right? You were constantly overly nice and clingy, not showing all sides of yourself as a person, and giving the girl special treatment as if to seclude her from everyone else, making the relationship feel very unnatural. What went wrong?

There really are some jerks in the world, and putting most of the male population into this category just because they have more luck dating is really unfair. We're all humans and our huge range of emotions and thoughts and actions will forever make love complicated, but just being down to Earth and genuine will always be attractive. Things like confidence, respect and compatibility are key in a relationship, you don't need to overdo the niceness for a girl, be yourself.
 

KingBuu

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I don't feel sorry for myself I just don't care anymore. People are generally shallow and picky, they're missing out on a great person; me.
 

dwesterny

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I'm 600 lbs and have had several fantastic experiences and one LTR with women into fat guys. Put in the work, be patient and be positive and shit will happen. It may not ending the fucking ideal dream but it can be pretty good.
 

ODFFA

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I largely agree with Dwes, though at the same time, there is a grain of truth to the thesis statement of this thread. For some women, not all. A lot of women are attracted to popular qualities that are often present in "bad boy types," such as confidence, leadership ability, aloofness. Now, you can be an amazing guy and still have these more neutral qualities above. But some girls are indiscriminate to the point where they'll fall hook, line and sinker for a guy who has these, giving almost no thought to whether or not he also has... I dunno... something I like to call "strength of character."

I remember someone (tankyguy?) once mentioned reading a study/studies that showed some women tend to be eventually repelled when they notice this "strength of character" thing is lacking, but that they aren't frequently as attracted to it as they are to other traits (such as mentioned above). So it might not have a big enough influence on their initial selection of a partner. Considering the women I know personally, this kind of made sense to me. Also the fact that we are all generally socialised to associate "good guy" traits with weakness. To me, the "strength of character" factor is a total necessity for attraction. (As in, it makes me weak at the knees and I don't fall completely until I've at least seen strong hints of it in someone).

TL;DR: We are out there. As is the case with physical attraction, pop culture has its ideal that it likes to tout, but you needn't be fooled by that. Many of us aren't wired to conform :p
 
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dwesterny

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All too often the "nice guys" making these kind of complaints are just being passive aggressive too.
 

loopytheone

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All too often the "nice guys" making these kind of complaints are just being passive aggressive too.
In my experience, pretty much always the case. Seriously sets alarm bells ringing if a person describes themselves as a 'nice guy' and then complains about not getting what they want from people. I wouldn't date a person like that, I only date people who are actually, you know, nice.
 

thunderdog38

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I see we've discovered the difference between a nice person and a door mat, nice person will be polite and fair handed but won't take!people's crap, while a door mat bends anyway the wind blows so long as you like them,, or they'll wine and gripe but not do anything about the situation. I am nice person by the way lol!
 

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