"coming out"?

Discussion in 'BHM/FFA' started by EvaDestruction, Mar 10, 2006.

  1. Mar 10, 2006 #1

    EvaDestruction

    EvaDestruction

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    am i the only one who feels like im trying to hide a fucking zebra in a room full of people with this?

    it just seems to be eating away at me trying to not 'like what i like.' losing my fucking mind it seems.

    ive been with my boyfriend for a year now and it's gotten to the point where i dont want to touch his middle. every part of me screams inside that it's what i want to touch; what i need to touch. but i cant; i go around it all.
    i feel as though i shouldnt want to and that it does nothing but make him already more uncomfortable with extra weight as well as thinking theres something wrong with me.

    i love him to death but all i feel now is that i wont ever be satisfied because of my own strange likes and ill never be comfortable with being honest with him or anyone else.
     
    TCUBOB and herin like this.
  2. Mar 10, 2006 #2

    missaf

    missaf

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    Thanks for posting.

    I guess, if you put it like that, yes, you're struggling with a taboo among parts of our society, and because this conflicts with someone you love and care for, it feels wrong.

    Coming to terms with what part of you likes fat and why is an important step. Before any relationship outside yourself can blossom, you've got to be yourself, and learn who you are.
     
  3. Mar 10, 2006 #3

    TallEnglishman

    TallEnglishman

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    Feeling conflicted is entirely normal. Don't worry about it. Go at your own pace. Most of us have struggled with our preferences here.

    :eat1: :eat1: :eat1: :eat2: :eat2: :eat2:
     
  4. Mar 10, 2006 #4

    zonker

    zonker

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    Ambiguity and conflicted feelings come with the territory. Just try to relax and enjoy yourself. What's happening is really wonderful if you don't try to put society's critical microscope on it. You love him, you love his body, you desire him, you desire to touch him. :eat2:

    Shouldn't that be wonderful instead of something to feel guilty or messed-up about? Yes, it should. Toss all your socialization out, and enjoy this life. It's the only one we get.... Good luck. Have a great weekend with your hunny, and let him know that you love every bit of him... :smitten:
     
  5. Mar 11, 2006 #5

    Benson

    Benson

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    Blokes want to feel appreciated just like girls :wubu: Just make sure that he knows you love him as well as, not because of. . .:)

    What I find most interesting about this post is that threads that have been started in the general forum about the exact same problem but visa versa ie. guys finding it difficult to openly appreiciate a large woman, have been met with impatience and seen as trivial. . .

    And believe me, it is harder than it seems.

    So can I quickly in my first post :p, complement the understanding in this thread.

    And oh hello all!
     
  6. Mar 11, 2006 #6

    persimmon

    persimmon

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    Aw, eva, that's so rough. Missa is right, though; you've gotta be at a certainly comfort level with it yourself before you can open it up for discussion, and a meaningful and deep relationship demands that kind of honesty.

    I've been "out" five years or so, which is a fairly long time for someone under 25. Coming out to my then-boyfriend when I was coming to terms with it myself was nerve-wracking and terrifying, but he not only didn't mind, he was thrilled. I can't say how your fellow will respond, but if you frame the issue in terms of your love and attraction for him, it's unlikely to go over badly. He undoubtedly loves you, and probably knows something is up, so let him know that it's good, not bad. If he's on the small side you could use words like "chunky" and "little tummy" to make it sound less like "ME WANT YOU HUGE" (which I was quite afraid of sounding like).

    One thing that I find terribly charming in male FAs is how they look for signs of fatness in slimmer women; it's not the fat they're attracted to, but the woman who carries it with beauty. It's the same thing with us; you've just got to get it across somehow. Luck to you.

    persimmon

    (how did i get comfy with it myself? I looked at porn. Lots and lots of fat-guy porn, and lots of the story archives. It was quite difficult to claim to myself that certain things didn't tweak my tweakables after that. Your milage may, of course, vary.)
     
  7. Mar 11, 2006 #7

    TheSadeianLinguist

    TheSadeianLinguist

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    Perhaps a good way for you to come out, is simply while sitting out with friends or something, bring up guys... Perhaps, "What kind of guys did you like in high school vs. now?" Then when it gets to you, you say, "You know, I've always thought chunky, even fat, guys/girls were really cute." I bet you'll do fine.
     
  8. Mar 12, 2006 #8
    I think that the best thing for you to go with your instincts and just love him for who he is. Too many people don't appreciate who they are if they can't be themselves.

    These conflicts are totally normal, but if you give into those that are not important at all, you will never be satisfied with any of your choices in life and love.
     
  9. Jun 3, 2007 #9

    JoeD43

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    It sounds like everyone is giving you good advice, so I won't try to muddy the waters with even more. But I will second what I have seen others say, let your guy know how much you like him and accept him for who he is. I know it may be new territory for you, its very new for me too. I had no idea there was such a thing as FFA's and quite frankly I'm not sure what I would do with all the attention :) Take your time and feel out this new territory and don't worry about what others will think but decide how you feel about it.
     
  10. Jun 3, 2007 #10

    Jackoblangada

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    All i know is that your very lucky fat boy had best wake up and smell the pheromones. He has no idea how lucky he has it, god knows there weren’t any women who looked like you and felt like you when i grew up in CT. Sometimes I wonder why i ever left New England...

    Anyway..they only way he will know is if you tell him and show him. Words are nice but it is action that will seal the deal. Show him with touching and caressing and even doing those things to him you so want to do but make you think he will run screaming...trust me he will be freaked at first..then love every second of it.
    Trust me on this. Don't be subtle.
    And as for what others think? Screw em. You make your own way in life. Those that care about you will continie to care about you even if they dissaprove. Those that stop caring about you can burn in hell, you don't need em.
    Sorry, i am a bit radical about this. I spent way too many years worrying about that kinda silliness. F' em if they can't deal with you.

    My not so humble opinion lol

    my two cents.
     
  11. Jun 6, 2007 #11

    jdwhitak

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    Let me tell you a little story. I have a family member who is gay and lives life as a gay person, but that wasn't always the case. For a long time this person tried to deny that he was gay and tried to live life according to what he thought his family expected of him. He even went so far as to get married and have children. I guess things finally got to him and he eventually came out. But that is besides the point. The moral of the story is: life is short and you can't live a lie.

    Of all the things out there that you could be getting into and trying to hide (drugs & alcohol for example) I would think that liking fat guys is the least of them.

    As far as your boyfriend goes, maybe you can take baby steps and slowly warm him up the the idea of rubbing the belly, etc. I once dated a girl that like to rub and kiss my belly :wubu: At first, I was a little weirded out by it, but that didn't last long. Maybe 15 minutes :D
     
  12. Jun 6, 2007 #12

    LoveBHMS

    LoveBHMS

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    Most people are far far less interested in your sexual preferences then you might think. I mean everyone I know knows i like bigger men, and their reactions ranged from "oh" to "Yuck. I hate fat guys.....let's order some beer now" to "Oh...that's weird and I'm going to tease you forever which is fine b/c we're friends and you tease me about stuff."

    Really? Nothing wrong with you.
     

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