Hello,
Let me start by wishing everybody a very Happy New Year.
I am from India so English is not my first language. However, I will try to write the best I can.
I found this forum through google and have lurked for a while. I never bothered signing up because all you lovely people are from west and our thinking, culture, take on life, etc is very different. I always assumed we would never understand each other. So why I am posting today? Well read on .
Its 6AM here, 1st Jan 2015 and I had nowhere to go tonight. Most of my friends are married and they are all having couple parties. My single friends have managed to get a date for tonight and are doing their own. I don't have too many friends to begin with but I never thought a day would come where I would need to sit at home during NYE.
My name is Neha. I am 27yo 5"2. I checked my weight some 6-8 months back and it was 115kgs (around 250lbs). I am sure I have gained a lot since then.
My list of problems is endless. Now I have never been to west but my weight is extremely huge for India. You don't see a girl weighing so much normally. Wherever I go I am being made fun of. My life has becomes office-home-office-home. I only go out during special occasions or when I am feeling super confident and happy. I feel so low so often that I lock my room and cry for hours. I have a younger brother who loves me but I can see that he gets embarrassed sometimes when he is out with me. I can't really blame him because when people here sees a boy and girl alone they assume they are GFs and BFs. Because of this I haven't gone anywhere with my brother for couple of months.
When 2014 began, I made a vow to lose weight. My dad supported me completely. He hired a consultant for me who was supposed to meet me every morning and plan out my food and workout routine and take previous day's feedback. He got me to start slow and just asked to go for a morning walk for 20 mins. First day I was super pumped, I got up before time, got ready and went to the park. Within 5mins I was made to feel horrible. I could sense all eyes were looking at me and people laughing. I just went to my two wheeler, returned home and cried. I was feeling so low that I knew I couldn't start the diet today. Similar story the next day. On 3rd day the consultant got mad at me and strictly told me to follow my diet. I started telling lies that I am following, but I kept sneaking food inside my bedroom. This went on for a week and when we did a weigh-in I had gained. He knew this wasn't possible. Long story short, he gave up on me because he said his reputation is at stake.
My life was going horrible. I will explain later as to why. I knew loosing weight had become a necessity and something had to be done. My dad was extremely worried and seeked help from his boss. His boss recommended a fat camp kind of place. We here in India call it naturopathy. When I saw the charges, I knew no way my dad can afford this place. A week there would mean monthly salary of my dad. Still my dad encouraged me to go. I knew I would need at least a month there before anything good can happen but one month would mean a lot of money. My dad broke his Fixed Deposit to pay for it. I read many reviews and called a girl who had been there. She told me the place is amazing and extremely obese people come so there is nothing to worry about. She had lost 12kgs in 3 weeks. I was once again super pumped and all excited to go there. When I reached it was a different story. Within 2 days I was kept in fasting. All the positive energy was sucked out of me. By 4th day I wasn't able to walk properly or had energy to do anything. I stopped going to yoga classes, walk and swimming. The doctor who was handling my case called me and demanded an explanation. He said if you stay in the room then there will be no benefits. They examined me and everything seemed fine. They kept on telling me its my mental strength which was weak. On day 6th I had enough. I called my dad and cried like crazy. My dad couldn't bare it and called me back. I had initially book for 30 days but stayed only 7. However I had to pay for 10 days because of their policy.
When I returned I had lost all hope in weight reduction. I forgot about it for a month. Then one day I had to go to a party and realised none of my party clothes fit me anymore. I ended up staying home and crying. I once again decided I need to do something. I approached my neighbour and asked her if she can take me to gym with her. I thought if I have a company I might get guts to do something. She immediately agreed and even offered to work out with me. This plan however didn't work out as well. Her workout routine was very intense and I wasn't able to match it. She ran on treadmill for 30 mins whereas I wasn't even able to walk for 10. She was a hard motivator and made me feel horrible in front of everybody. I even confronted her but she always kept saying that I need mental strength. So 2014 ended and resulted in me gaining more and more weight.
Now you may be wondering why loosing weight was so important to me? The answer is Marriage. Our Indian society is completely different from west. If a girl doesnt get married by age of 25-26 then people starts to think something is wrong with the girl. We also do arrange marriages here. If a father can't get his daughter married then he is considered as a bad parent and is ridiculed in the society. My dad is searching for a groom since 3 years and I am getting rejected from everywhere. Most of my skinny friends or people I know have easily got a suitor. 90% of guys reject me after seeing my photos. Few guys have come to see me but they always send a rejection mail or call after the meeting. I have lowered my expectations a lot and still can't find anyone. I don't dream of a prince charming. I don't dream of a tall, dark, handsome man. All I dream is of a man who will treat me nicely and don't cause trouble after marriage.
My father has become utterly depressed. I have caught him crying couple of times. I don't have a mother since age of 7. My brother is also trying hard to find a match for me. If a guy shows interest then he demands a lot of dowry which we can't give. My best friend got married to a software engineer from Australia one and half years back. I have become very lonely after she migrated there. There are so many days when I don't have anyone to talk to.
Now as I see today, I have two options-
1) Lose weight- Be firm. I forget what people think of me and go out and exercise. I keep strict check on my diet and welcome 2016 as a new me.
2) Change thinking- I know at my current weight I will never get a groom. Once I cross 30 it will become impossible. I could try to change my thinking, try becoming more social, accept who I am and try to get a boyfriend. I have never heard of a fat admirer in India. I am even thinking to apply on one of those dating sites and see if I can attract anybody.
Thanks a lot for reading my story. I am feeling little better after sharing it with someone after such a long time. I think I can being a journey of new me from today.
Let me start by wishing everybody a very Happy New Year.
I am from India so English is not my first language. However, I will try to write the best I can.
I found this forum through google and have lurked for a while. I never bothered signing up because all you lovely people are from west and our thinking, culture, take on life, etc is very different. I always assumed we would never understand each other. So why I am posting today? Well read on .
Its 6AM here, 1st Jan 2015 and I had nowhere to go tonight. Most of my friends are married and they are all having couple parties. My single friends have managed to get a date for tonight and are doing their own. I don't have too many friends to begin with but I never thought a day would come where I would need to sit at home during NYE.
My name is Neha. I am 27yo 5"2. I checked my weight some 6-8 months back and it was 115kgs (around 250lbs). I am sure I have gained a lot since then.
My list of problems is endless. Now I have never been to west but my weight is extremely huge for India. You don't see a girl weighing so much normally. Wherever I go I am being made fun of. My life has becomes office-home-office-home. I only go out during special occasions or when I am feeling super confident and happy. I feel so low so often that I lock my room and cry for hours. I have a younger brother who loves me but I can see that he gets embarrassed sometimes when he is out with me. I can't really blame him because when people here sees a boy and girl alone they assume they are GFs and BFs. Because of this I haven't gone anywhere with my brother for couple of months.
When 2014 began, I made a vow to lose weight. My dad supported me completely. He hired a consultant for me who was supposed to meet me every morning and plan out my food and workout routine and take previous day's feedback. He got me to start slow and just asked to go for a morning walk for 20 mins. First day I was super pumped, I got up before time, got ready and went to the park. Within 5mins I was made to feel horrible. I could sense all eyes were looking at me and people laughing. I just went to my two wheeler, returned home and cried. I was feeling so low that I knew I couldn't start the diet today. Similar story the next day. On 3rd day the consultant got mad at me and strictly told me to follow my diet. I started telling lies that I am following, but I kept sneaking food inside my bedroom. This went on for a week and when we did a weigh-in I had gained. He knew this wasn't possible. Long story short, he gave up on me because he said his reputation is at stake.
My life was going horrible. I will explain later as to why. I knew loosing weight had become a necessity and something had to be done. My dad was extremely worried and seeked help from his boss. His boss recommended a fat camp kind of place. We here in India call it naturopathy. When I saw the charges, I knew no way my dad can afford this place. A week there would mean monthly salary of my dad. Still my dad encouraged me to go. I knew I would need at least a month there before anything good can happen but one month would mean a lot of money. My dad broke his Fixed Deposit to pay for it. I read many reviews and called a girl who had been there. She told me the place is amazing and extremely obese people come so there is nothing to worry about. She had lost 12kgs in 3 weeks. I was once again super pumped and all excited to go there. When I reached it was a different story. Within 2 days I was kept in fasting. All the positive energy was sucked out of me. By 4th day I wasn't able to walk properly or had energy to do anything. I stopped going to yoga classes, walk and swimming. The doctor who was handling my case called me and demanded an explanation. He said if you stay in the room then there will be no benefits. They examined me and everything seemed fine. They kept on telling me its my mental strength which was weak. On day 6th I had enough. I called my dad and cried like crazy. My dad couldn't bare it and called me back. I had initially book for 30 days but stayed only 7. However I had to pay for 10 days because of their policy.
When I returned I had lost all hope in weight reduction. I forgot about it for a month. Then one day I had to go to a party and realised none of my party clothes fit me anymore. I ended up staying home and crying. I once again decided I need to do something. I approached my neighbour and asked her if she can take me to gym with her. I thought if I have a company I might get guts to do something. She immediately agreed and even offered to work out with me. This plan however didn't work out as well. Her workout routine was very intense and I wasn't able to match it. She ran on treadmill for 30 mins whereas I wasn't even able to walk for 10. She was a hard motivator and made me feel horrible in front of everybody. I even confronted her but she always kept saying that I need mental strength. So 2014 ended and resulted in me gaining more and more weight.
Now you may be wondering why loosing weight was so important to me? The answer is Marriage. Our Indian society is completely different from west. If a girl doesnt get married by age of 25-26 then people starts to think something is wrong with the girl. We also do arrange marriages here. If a father can't get his daughter married then he is considered as a bad parent and is ridiculed in the society. My dad is searching for a groom since 3 years and I am getting rejected from everywhere. Most of my skinny friends or people I know have easily got a suitor. 90% of guys reject me after seeing my photos. Few guys have come to see me but they always send a rejection mail or call after the meeting. I have lowered my expectations a lot and still can't find anyone. I don't dream of a prince charming. I don't dream of a tall, dark, handsome man. All I dream is of a man who will treat me nicely and don't cause trouble after marriage.
My father has become utterly depressed. I have caught him crying couple of times. I don't have a mother since age of 7. My brother is also trying hard to find a match for me. If a guy shows interest then he demands a lot of dowry which we can't give. My best friend got married to a software engineer from Australia one and half years back. I have become very lonely after she migrated there. There are so many days when I don't have anyone to talk to.
Now as I see today, I have two options-
1) Lose weight- Be firm. I forget what people think of me and go out and exercise. I keep strict check on my diet and welcome 2016 as a new me.
2) Change thinking- I know at my current weight I will never get a groom. Once I cross 30 it will become impossible. I could try to change my thinking, try becoming more social, accept who I am and try to get a boyfriend. I have never heard of a fat admirer in India. I am even thinking to apply on one of those dating sites and see if I can attract anybody.
Thanks a lot for reading my story. I am feeling little better after sharing it with someone after such a long time. I think I can being a journey of new me from today.
