Fat sexuality

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gelbert

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What are your feelings that attraction to large people is an actual sexuality rather than a preference? Because I often read people say " it's just my preference, like some people prefer blondes".

For me it runs deeper than that. I tried to hide my sexual attraction to big women, hidden till I was in my mid twenties. I always dated, what would be considered your average size women. Once, I accepted that I would never be sexually satisfied with an average size women, it was life changing! It was just a different experience, that was more amazing than I could have ever imagined.

I have always had a very healthy sex life and enjoyed it but it is not the same. I still see slimmer women attractive and beautiful but not sexually.
 

extra_m13

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oh well, it is a preference for sure, but a very strong one ! i usually say it like that, i prefer chubby girls, but ommit to say that i only get really turned on by overeating not worry to gain chubby ladies, and that runners and other types of skinny bitches are not in my list, no matter how funny smart and beautiful they are
 

AuntHen

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oh well, it is a preference for sure, but a very strong one ! i usually say it like that, i prefer chubby girls, but ommit to say that i only get really turned on by overeating not worry to gain chubby ladies, and that runners and other types of skinny bitches are not in my list, no matter how funny smart and beautiful they are
No.
 

BigElectricKat

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I do find it odd that people who have oft times been shunned, marginalized, or ridiculed for their appearance and/or attractions/preferences would harbor ill or speak disparagingly about others. So you like a certain type of guy or gal. Why are the others less than in your eyes?
 

Barrett

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oh well, it is a preference for sure, but a very strong one ! i usually say it like that, i prefer chubby girls, but ommit to say that i only get really turned on by overeating not worry to gain chubby ladies, and that runners and other types of skinny bitches are not in my list, no matter how funny smart and beautiful they are
Please stop talking.
 

extra_m13

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not many people around here, we all have preferences in that regard. i prefer fat ladies over skinny ladies. don't anything wrong in saying that. i prefer steak over pasta. it is an animal thing. nothing against them as human beings. one has the right to choose the partner.
 

DazzlingAnna

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For the majority of people out in this world I am not even close to what their preferences are. And most people don't get tired to tell me, that I am not okay being a bbw/ssbbw. They use worse expressions than "not okay" , even worse than "fat b*tch" to express that I am not matching their preferences.

Having preferences and living them is not the point.

Gloryfying the one and devaluing the other is the point.

I don't understand, even here at dimensions, (where we are talking about body acceptance!) why people sometimes use the same mechanism of lowering other body types shapes, sizes over their own preferences.

If you are asked about what you like you could of course talk about what you don't like, too. I would prefer a neutral choice of words though.

It is not about having preferences and living them. It is about respecting the non-preferred part. Respecting, or tolerating or even accepting.
For me, any description followed by "b*tch" shows none of the above.
 

Barrett

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not many people around here, we all have preferences in that regard. i prefer fat ladies over skinny ladies. don't anything wrong in saying that. i prefer steak over pasta. it is an animal thing. nothing against them as human beings. one has the right to choose the partner.
That isn't the issue with what you said.
It's how you said it. But I'm pretty sure you already knew that, even before AuntHen highlighted what the problem is. So stop being disingenuous, on top of being rude.
You don't refer to ladies as "skinny bitches," or just "bitches" in general, especially if you're a guy.
 

landshark

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I’ll echo what others have said and get right to the point. “Skinny bitches” is low brow and we're better than that here. For a member of a group that supports those who have been marginalized and scorned by society to use this kind of verbiage to describe other people is just garbage. To act daft about it and shrug and say “what? I’m allowed to have a preference.” Is also garbage.

@gelbert I completely understand what you are saying and I refer to this as sexual compatibility. It’s the idea that I can find attractive just about any body type. I’m active, in the weight room, at the beach, etc. I see for women all the time who I think are smoking hotties. But that’s where it stops, basically.

There’s a difference between a woman being visibly attractive to me and sexually attractive. That second one is a completely different “next-level” attraction where there is literally a wave of adrenaline at the thought of being with a person. And I only get that feeling with certain body types. I’ve learned it’s a basic shape preference more than a size preference (would rather have a short petite chubby 150 pound partner with a big ass than a 350 pound partner with big boobs/belly and a smaller ass) but if I can get that shape in bigger sizes then even better!

So yeah, I definitely understand what you mean, OP.
 
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BigElectricKat

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I’ll echo what others have said and get right to the point. “Skinny bitches” is low brow and we're better than that here. For a member of a group that supports those who have been marginalized and scorned by society to use this kind of verbiage to describe other people is just garbage. To act daft about it and shrug and say “what? I’m allowed to have a preference.” Is also garbage.

@gelbert I completely understand what you are saying and I refer to this as sexual compatibility. It’s the idea that I can find attractive just about any body type. I’m active, in the weight room, at the beach, etc. I see for women all the time who I think are smoking hotties. But that’s where it stops, basically.

There’s a difference between a woman being visibly attractive to me and sexually attractive. That second one is a completely different “next-level” attraction where there is literally a wave of adrenaline at the thought of being with a person. And I only get that feeling with certain body types. I’ve learned it’s a basic shape preference more than a size preference (would rather have a short petite chubby 150 pound partner with a big ass than a 350 pound partner with big boobs/belly and a smaller ass) but if I can get that shape in bigger sizes then even better!

So yeah, I definitely understand what you mean, OP.
Yay for big asses! *I DID NOT just say that, did I?*
 

TwoSwords

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I do find it odd that people who have oft times been shunned, marginalized, or ridiculed for their appearance and/or attractions/preferences would harbor ill or speak disparagingly about others. So you like a certain type of guy or gal. Why are the others less than in your eyes?
Why would that be odd? Isn't it normal for people to hold grudges against those who persecute them? I'm not saying it's good to do that, but I don't see what's so odd about it.
I also don't see what there is about being repeatedly shunned that would lead to me becoming a moralist. As I see it, body shape, body shape preference and even hurting people's feelings are all entirely amoral issues. To assume otherwise is to attach much greater significance to people's feelings than is justified.
 

BigElectricKat

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Why would that be odd? Isn't it normal for people to hold grudges against those who persecute them? I'm not saying it's good to do that, but I don't see what's so odd about it.
I also don't see what there is about being repeatedly shunned that would lead to me becoming a moralist. As I see it, body shape, body shape preference and even hurting people's feelings are all entirely amoral issues. To assume otherwise is to attach much greater significance to people's feelings than is justified.
*stepping onto soapbox*

It's odd because I would have thought that people who frequent this space would be of a slightly higher moral character than the average person. I mean, doesn't body positivity and acceptance count for everyone; not just those you find attractive? I guess not.

And I would think that repeatedly being shunned or ridiculed would lead you to become just a better person. I don't get why someone would repeat the shitty behavior that was thrust upon them rather than model a higher morality. So, they throw sticks and you throw sticks? They throw stones and then you throw stones? Where/how/when does it end? Do you want there to be an end or do you just thrive on the negativity?

There is a GREAT significance to people's feelings. We often act on emotion despite what logic would tell us otherwise to do. Yes, you can become numb to how certain people treat you (or at least you can pretend to not care). But the fact is that you do care or you wouldn't retaliate in kind. But it's simpler and easier to spit back at someone who's spit at you, rather than expend the energy, show the intestinal fortitude, and display the higher code of character it takes to change the world. I get it. To each his own I suppose.

*descending from aforementioned soapbox*
 

TwoSwords

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It's odd because I would have thought that people who frequent this space would be of a slightly higher moral character than the average person. I mean, doesn't body positivity and acceptance count for everyone; not just those you find attractive? I guess not.
Nope.

And I would think that repeatedly being shunned or ridiculed would lead you to become just a better person.
Why?

I don't get why someone would repeat the shitty behavior that was thrust upon them rather than model a higher morality.
There would need to be some benefit or reward involved in behaving according to a higher morality. In any case, there are many different "higher moralities," not all of which agree with your position here.

So, they throw sticks and you throw sticks? They throw stones and then you throw stones? Where/how/when does it end? Do you want there to be an end or do you just thrive on the negativity?
I love arguments. They're fun. I never said I was planning on assaulting anyone with wood or stone, though. Why should I make bigger sacrifices than the people around me are making? I don't see any point to doing that.

There is a GREAT significance to people's feelings. We often act on emotion despite what logic would tell us otherwise to do. Yes, you can become numb to how certain people treat you (or at least you can pretend to not care). But the fact is that you do care or you wouldn't retaliate in kind. But it's simpler and easier to spit back at someone who's spit at you, rather than expend the energy, show the intestinal fortitude, and display the higher code of character it takes to change the world. I get it. To each his own I suppose.
Yeah. I just don't agree that people's feelings are that important. I'm strongly committed to a moral code, and coddling hurt feelings just isn't part of it. It has more to do with not killing, stealing, bearing false witness against others, coveting, adulterizing, and dishonoring my parents, none of which is about hurt feelings. It strikes me as an odd and alien position that someone would try to moralize the emotions of human beings, who have no more moral right to the avoidance of hurt than a gazelle does.
 

BigElectricKat

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Treat others as you wish to be treated.
I love arguments. They're fun. I never said I was planning on assaulting anyone with wood or stone, though. Why should I make bigger sacrifices than the people around me are making? I don't see any point to doing that.
The better person always makes the bigger sacrifices. Such is life.
Yeah. I just don't agree that people's feelings are that important. I'm strongly committed to a moral code, and coddling hurt feelings just isn't part of it. It has more to do with not killing, stealing, bearing false witness against others, coveting, adulterizing, and dishonoring my parents, none of which is about hurt feelings. It strikes me as an odd and alien position that someone would try to moralize the emotions of human beings, who have no more moral right to the avoidance of hurt than a gazelle does.
In taking this stance, you agree that your own feelings are not that important. So in effect, others who treat you as less than human are justified since you feeling are that important. I noticed that your own moral code does not include respect toward others. That makes sense. If you don't respect others how do you expect them to respect you. A somewhat narcissistic view of the world? If that's how you sleep at night, okay.
 

TwoSwords

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Treat others as you wish to be treated.
Yeah, but nobody really does that.

The better person always makes the bigger sacrifices. Such is life.
Better in terms of what? Are they better off in some way?

In taking this stance, you agree that your own feelings are not that important. So in effect, others who treat you as less than human are justified since you feeling are that important. I noticed that your own moral code does not include respect toward others. That makes sense. If you don't respect others how do you expect them to respect you. A somewhat narcissistic view of the world? If that's how you sleep at night, okay.
Actually, it's the other way around. If there's one thing I've learned from every emotional experience I've ever had (both as an FA and otherwise,) it's that no matter what, no one will ever respect your emotions. Therefore, they must not matter. If my emotions don't matter, then it follows, clearly, that no one's emotions matter. Narcissism would be if I thought highly of myself. This is induction; the arrival at a general conclusion, on the basis of a particular sample (my own experiences, informing the general conclusion about whether emotions in general matter.) And yes, I've always been a rather sound sleeper.

As far as respecting others, I respect that they have free will, and are therefore entitled to not being murdered, stolen from, lied against, etc... Other kinds of respect than the core ones need to be earned on an individual basis by their choices.
 
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BigElectricKat

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Yeah, but nobody really does that.
Maybe in your world.

Better in terms of what? Are they better off in some way?
Yes. Better in terms of maybe changing the course of someone's life. Perhaps imparting knowledge/wisdom on an otherwise (relatively) ignorant being. Like the song says, "We are paid by those who learn by our mistakes".

Actually, it's the other way around. If there's one thing I've learned from every emotional experience I've ever had (both as an FA and otherwise,) it's that no matter what, no one will ever respect your emotions. Therefore, they must not matter. If my emotions don't matter, then it follows, clearly, that no one's emotions matter. Narcissism would be if I thought highly of myself. This is induction; the arrival at a general conclusion, on the basis of a particular sample (my own experiences, informing the general conclusion about whether emotions in general matter.) And yes, I've always been a rather sound sleeper.
All rather sad when all is said and done. Perhaps and increase in your sample size? I suppose I'd rather toss and turn all night with someone to share my bed than to sleep soundly alone. And alone it must be if others feelings/emotions don't matter.

Anyway, back to my regularly scheduled programming. Have fun! :)
 

TwoSwords

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Yes. Better in terms of maybe changing the course of someone's life. Perhaps imparting knowledge/wisdom on an otherwise (relatively) ignorant being. Like the song says, "We are paid by those who learn by our mistakes".
So like a George Bailey situation? If that really worked, my mom would be rich. Instead, she's completely at the mercy of the people who own the building where she keeps supplies for her charity.

All rather sad when all is said and done. Perhaps and increase in your sample size? I suppose I'd rather toss and turn all night with someone to share my bed than to sleep soundly alone. And alone it must be if others feelings/emotions don't matter.
Well, I never said life was happy. As far as my sample size being small, I do live in Deviltown, Massachusetts, so that might have something to do with it.

Anyway, back to my regularly scheduled programming. Have fun! :)
Thanks! You too!
 

James1662

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For me, my attraction to size is essentially a must. I very much prefer larger. Particularly, a certain body shape also. I am not certain that I could be physically attracted to someone thin, regardless of how wonderful their personality was.
 

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