Fat sexuality

[luckyfa]

As I am a runner myself, I’ve got quite a few skinny female friends who are runners or cyclists and they are athletic powerhouses in addition to being wonderful people. Some of them weigh less than half as much as my wife. Those who know my wife are not the slightest bit judgmental, neither about me nor about her. They might even feel safer in my presence than in the presence of any other man.

As a matter of fact, it seems that skinny people are getting more hate than fat people, at least more open hate. My female running friends and myself can attest to this. Our family doctor never said a word about my wife’s weight even at a BMI of >= 40 while I took some heat at a BMI of 21.5.

To answer the initial question, in my experience, it’s more than a mere preference.

I wouldn’t cheat on my wife anyway, but when I see or meet a beautiful fat woman, even a heavier one than my wife, I might get butterflies in my stomach. This very rarely ever happens with a skinny woman, if at all. My female runner friends seem to sense that, who knows. Even my wife feels entirely comfortable to let me go on a training camp with them.

I’m a heterosexual nearly-exclusive admirer of fat women. I get sexually aroused by the look and feel of my wife’s body fat and its ever-changing proportions. Why should this be a fetish? Maybe it is a fetish when I get more aroused after she has gained some pounds and I notice it before her. Maybe it’s a fetish that I would love to see her to be at her former peak weight again and then gain a bit more. Maybe it’s a fetish that I get aroused by numbers, comparisons, milestones and contrasts such as our weight difference. Even she got caught by those fetishes.

She loves me skinny and athletic and is aroused by my hard lean muscle mass in my legs. She is aroused that my body is strong enough to carry her weight if she lies on me, stretched out, even though I am skinny. Those too are fetishes, aren’t they? Did she force me to run or deprive me of food? No, she didn’t. Nor did I prevent her from exercising and make her eat to become fat.

 

[Jon Blaze]

I think most of us would disagree with your comment regarding discrimination. We have entire systems in society based on specific body types for people to the point that it is discriminatory. Fat people have to shop at different stores, can't fit into certain spaces, and get regularly berated (whether subtle or overt) from many angles. Our own members here have died from illnesses because doctors felt the reason for their problems were all tied to their weight. That's way deeper than calling someone a stick or telling them they need to eat.

- You also have to consider numbers as well. A BMI of 21.5 is not comparable to one of 40. Not sure why your doc is bugging anyway because 21.5 is considered "Normal". My BMI is just under 30 (5'10 and 205), and I've never had a doctor raised an eyebrow. It helps that I have lots of muscle, but I'm also someone that "doesn't look his size." Maybe if your wife was closer to 55 or 60 I'd see where you're coming from. But I have my own biases too. I'm pretty sure the average BMI of an American woman is like 35 so...
It may be a false equivalency RE: discrimination of fat vs thin. But thin hatred and insulting does exist. I don't approve of those that act like it doesn't happen. It may be different at the individual level but it's still a thing.

- Preferring partners of a certain body type is not something I would deem a fetish. The behaviors you attach to that (influencing/encouraging change, roleplaying, feeding/cutting based around goals) can be, and there's nothing wrong with that as long as all parties consent. I've actually been experimenting with being a feeder. But I'm a chameleon at this point. If the person I'm with wants me to push them in a certain direction I'm willing to provide that for them. But I've also had average relationships where my partner is large and I don't focus on their size so deeply. Just depends on what is agreed upon.

 

[luckyfa]

Thanks for pointing out that there definitely is fat shaming. I wouldn’t simply generalise my experiences. All I can say is that in my running community where no one is fat no one has ever raised an eyebrow when my wife and I showed up at events. By the way, I was referring to the discussion above that started when skinny women where shamed by one particular member. There definitely is skinny shaming as well, maybe even more aggressive and open at times than fat shaming. I have the impression sometimes that most people bite their tongue in order not to shame fat people openly whereas those “skinny b*****s” are fair game. But again, that’s just me.

As far as shopping for clothes is concerned, I have problems sometimes to find fitting clothes for me because “normal” shops didn’t carry trousers for “normal” men like me with a BMI of 21.5. I once failed to find fitting hiking trousers during a vacation! They weren’t sold out, they didn’t carry small enough sizes.

Well and our doctor, I don’t know. She thought I was too skinny with a BMI of 21.5. Sure, muscle mass can distort the BMI, but I don’t carry any bulk.

I was wondering if the perception of “normal” has silently tipped the scale towards fat acceptance (pun intended) although there certainly is still a huge problem with discrimination and body shaming.

 

[Shotha]

One of the ways that discrimination works against fat people is the assumption that we can only find fat partners. This amounts to an assumption that fat people are "unattractive", which as we know is not correct.

I have a friend, who is coming to terms with the realization that he's never going to be slim. When I told him that I only date fat guys, he asked, "Is that because you can't get anything else?" I had to explain that it was because I prefer fat guys.

I came across another example of this assumption at work a couple of decades ago. The IT department of the company that I worked for started to offer drinks and nibbles to the staff and their partners after work on Fridays in one of the conference rooms. There was a fat guy, who worked in our department. He must have weighed about 400 lb. Let's call him Dave. For a few days before the first drink and nibbles session, there was a lot of speculation about what Dave's wife would be like. I heard lots of nasty comments like, "She'll be some fat, ugly bitch. What other woman would marry a guy like Dave?" Dave was actually a very nice person but this didn't seem to enter into the speculations around the office. Eventually, at the first drinks and nibble session, we met Dave's wife. She was beautiful and attractive by conventional standards. She had been a top model and gave up her career in modeling to marry Dave. So, how she dressed and did her makeup were up to professional standards. She was the sort of woman who turned heads. Unfortunately, this didn't end the nasty comments. I heard people asking, "How does a fat bastard like Dave get a beautiful woman like that? It's just not right. He doesn't deserve her."

The assumption that fat people are less deserving than others has a negative impact on their lives. It doesn't just affect their feelings. It affects the sort of goods and services that are made available to us. Even now B&T stores in New Zealand often fail to stock clothes that are suitable for going on a date or suitable for job interviews. The assumption that fat people don't go on dates and don't get good jobs is still very present.

That's my little rant on this subject.