Fat sexuality

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BouncingBoy

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I try to find beauty in all but my preference is definitely toward the larger ladies.HOWEVER.....The ONLY way I would call a woman a bitch is if I happen to know her & she has a major negative attitude.I have been known to call some witches.....lol
 

Barrett

OMG, Becky, look at his belly.
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HOWEVER.....The ONLY way I would call a woman a bitch is if I happen to know her & she has a major negative attitude.I have been known to call some witches.....lol
I don't understand the need to add what you consider to be an acceptable use of a derogatory term to a conversation that isn't about that.

The topic is Fat Sexuality.
The only reason the other thing was being discussed was because a woman spoke up and told the person who used the term that it wasn't acceptable to refer to a woman in that manner, and she received back-up.

It's not for a man, or anyone else, really, to come in and state when they would also use a derogatory term to describe a woman.
First, because it's not civil discussion, and second, it has nothing to do with the thread topic.

My apologies to @gelbert for the continued derail.
 

Monster

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I don't really consider attraction to large bodies as a sexuality the way I do LGBTQIA identity- I'm queer, I like big bodies (and small ones, and in between!), they don't really feel the same in terms of who I am as a person. That is to say, I feel much more defined by my queerness than by what bodies I find appealing. Maybe if I felt exclusively attracted to larger people I'd feel differently, but I don't know! I just feel like I get more looks being on a public date with a thin person who looks like a woman than with a big person who reads as male.

Also, fuck off with body hating of any kind. While thinness is definitely a privilege, it's not a reason to denigrate anyone, just like fatness isn't a reason to devalue a person.
 

Colonial Warrior

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For the majority of people out in this world I am not even close to what their preferences are. And most people don't get tired to tell me, that I am not okay being a bbw/ssbbw. They use worse expressions than "not okay" , even worse than "fat b*tch" to express that I am not matching their preferences.

Having preferences and living them is not the point.

Gloryfying the one and devaluing the other is the point.

I don't understand, even here at dimensions, (where we are talking about body acceptance!) why people sometimes use the same mechanism of lowering other body types shapes, sizes over their own preferences.

If you are asked about what you like you could of course talk about what you don't like, too. I would prefer a neutral choice of words though.

It is not about having preferences and living them. It is about respecting the non-preferred part. Respecting, or tolerating or even accepting.
For me, any description followed by "b*tch" shows none of the above.
You get straight to the point, @DazzlingAnna! I'm a FA. I'm not feel myself attracted to skinny women but that's no reason to treat like "b*###*s". It's inconsiderate and disrespectful.

One of the things the FA movement has failed it's in making it a "us vs them" or "fat vs thin". We have to be careful with our words!

As for my fat admiration is simply a preference. Nothing more than that!
 
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Jon Blaze

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For the longest time I was firmly in the "It's a preference" camp. But now that I'm more comfortable with the idea of fetishes I tend to think of it as a subjective continuum. There are FAs who for all intents and purposes treat it as a normal everyday preference. Their sexual behavior is what many consider to be conventional. Others have a more intense focus on fat itself which is also okay. But I think they're very different approaches.

As I get older I'm less focused on the idea of being bisizual. Aesthetic beauty aside, I lean more towards just having a wide enough range of preferences in women that the lighter edge of my preferences includes women that are slightly chubby or "thick" like video models. Shape has a become a bigger factor over time too.
 

Rob hudson

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I never considered being attracted to fat people a fetish. That implies that it's abnormal somehow. I mean, have you ever heard the term "skinny chaser" being bandied about? Nope. Chubby chaser, however, is a thing., even around here. Like it's abnormal or weird to be so attracted. I refuse to put myself in the abnormal or weird category because society thinks I should be.
 

Tad

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I never considered being attracted to fat people a fetish. That implies that it's abnormal somehow. I mean, have you ever heard the term "skinny chaser" being bandied about? Nope. Chubby chaser, however, is a thing., even around here. Like it's abnormal or weird to be so attracted. I refuse to put myself in the abnormal or weird category because society thinks I should be.
But 'fetish' doesn't mean 'weird', it means (paraphrasing here) 'requires the fetish object to achieve sexual arousal'. (I mean, it may also be weird, depending on your POV, but the real question in preference vs fetish is whether the person get sexually aroused without fat being involved in some way)
 

Rob hudson

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I think the point still stands. No one ever says, oh, he/she has a fetish for skinny guys/girls. But if someone likes fat guys/girls, they have a fetish, implying that such a thing is abnormal.
 

BigElectricKat

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I think the point still stands. No one ever says, oh, he/she has a fetish for skinny guys/girls. But if someone likes fat guys/girls, they have a fetish, implying that such a thing is abnormal.
I disagree. I've actually know at least one woman that had a fetish for skinny guys. And yes, it was for a semi-weird reason. I'm sure there are people out there that have this same leaning but, your point is taken that the average person does not consider it weird or even odd.
 

Shotha

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I never considered being attracted to fat people a fetish. That implies that it's abnormal somehow. I mean, have you ever heard the term "skinny chaser" being bandied about? Nope. Chubby chaser, however, is a thing., even around here. Like it's abnormal or weird to be so attracted. I refuse to put myself in the abnormal or weird category because society thinks I should be.
I've often made the same point. If people who only date fat people have a "fetish", why don't people, who only like skinny people also have a "fetish".

"Fetish" has a broad range of meanings. For a psychologist or psychiatrist to diagnose someone as having a "fetish", then their preference would have to also significantly impair their performance in relationships and their everyday activities. "Fetish" is used in everyday speech to refer to unusual preferences. I think that "unusual" is a better term to use than "abnormal", as it accepts that we are in the minority and is more respectful of sexual diversity. These days "He's got a fat fetish" means little more than "He likes fat boys/girls". The way that I look at my preference is that I just happen to date the most beautiful men around.
 

jrose123

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All people have particulars. Some people want thin or fat or young or old or a particular sexual orientation, feeder or feeder, whatever...it's all good. In the end, once you know the person it has to go deeper than the skin. I want someone to want and love me for me. What if a delightfully plump person, a female 375 lbs, 5'5, 48DDD-40-60 began losing weight. Within a year, she ends up 38C-35-52. She's still deliciously fat, but smaller. Would this end a relationship? Why? Was she loved or was her fat being objectified? In my opinion, a fetish is when one aspect of a person is more important than the whole person. No one wants to be anyone's fetish.
 

landshark

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All people have particulars. Some people want thin or fat or young or old or a particular sexual orientation, feeder or feeder, whatever...it's all good. In the end, once you know the person it has to go deeper than the skin. I want someone to want and love me for me. What if a delightfully plump person, a female 375 lbs, 5'5, 48DDD-40-60 began losing weight. Within a year, she ends up 38C-35-52. She's still deliciously fat, but smaller. Would this end a relationship? Why? Was she loved or was her fat being objectified? In my opinion, a fetish is when one aspect of a person is more important than the whole person. No one wants to be anyone's fetish.
More of this. Please.

Well said, my friend.
 

stampy

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I call myself an obesexual. It is a word I made up to explain that my sexual orientation involves me being fat. I have a preference for fat females, and muscle chubs. But I don't need those things to be satisfied. It is a continuum that goes from "I don't care what my partner looks like" to "I have a preference for a certain kind of person" to "I need this in a partner and can't get off without it." I think we need to start looking at fetishes in a new way, as not necessarily unhealthy or abnormal. There are ethical fetishists, then there are the other fetishists. The ethical fat fetishists know there is a heart and soul and brain attached to the fat person, who has their own needs and desires. The other ones only care about the fat and their own needs. I remember meeting a guy with a latex fetish. it was like he literally did not care who I was or what I said or did or wanted or needed, he just wanted me to wear latex. I love ethical fetishists. They are some of the most interesting and passionate people. They are hard to find.
 

BigElectricKat

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I call myself an obesexual. It is a word I made up to explain that my sexual orientation involves me being fat. I have a preference for fat females, and muscle chubs. But I don't need those things to be satisfied. It is a continuum that goes from "I don't care what my partner looks like" to "I have a preference for a certain kind of person" to "I need this in a partner and can't get off without it." I think we need to start looking at fetishes in a new way, as not necessarily unhealthy or abnormal. There are ethical fetishists, then there are the other fetishists. The ethical fat fetishists know there is a heart and soul and brain attached to the fat person, who has their own needs and desires. The other ones only care about the fat and their own needs. I remember meeting a guy with a latex fetish. it was like he literally did not care who I was or what I said or did or wanted or needed, he just wanted me to wear latex. I love ethical fetishists. They are some of the most interesting and passionate people. They are hard to find.
Wow! Just... WOW! Sing it sister!!! 😍
 

Rob hudson

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Obviously no person is single dimensional. I am sure we can all agree that not every person to whom we might be physically attracted will otherwise engage us. It's only one aspect, but an important one. I think it's perfectly acceptable to try to find someone who reaches you on all levels.

For example, in my particular case, I've run into a few women over the years who stirred my hormones like a witch's cauldron, but who for other various reasons left me cold. By contrast, I've run into women that I love talking to, who had a lot in common with me, but had no physical attraction for me at all.

Conventional wisdom says that we should spend more time on the second category and completely toss aside physical attraction. But why? Why is it wrong to want someone who reaches you on all levels?
 

BigElectricKat

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I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with taking that pathway. However, it is rife with its own peril. In my experience, you aren't going to find someone who checks ALL the boxes; won't connect on all levels. If you wait for that to happen, you might find you are collecting Social Security by the time it does!

I'm not suggesting that people "settle" for whatever comes along. But perhaps prioritize the traits you find most important, most endearing and go from there. I don't know, I could be wrong.
 

Rob hudson

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Of course not. No one is perfect. However, you should find someone who checks more boxes than not. I thought that was obvious lol. ;)
 

BigElectricKat

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Or at least check the important boxes. My thought is that other things can be negotiated or worked on.
 

Rob hudson

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And what those most important boxes are will vary from person to person. For me, as an example, someone who spends all their time on social media and never cracks a book would not be a good fit lol.
 

Shotha

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I call myself an obesexual. It is a word I made up to explain that my sexual orientation involves me being fat. I have a preference for fat females, and muscle chubs. But I don't need those things to be satisfied. It is a continuum that goes from "I don't care what my partner looks like" to "I have a preference for a certain kind of person" to "I need this in a partner and can't get off without it." I think we need to start looking at fetishes in a new way, as not necessarily unhealthy or abnormal. There are ethical fetishists, then there are the other fetishists. The ethical fat fetishists know there is a heart and soul and brain attached to the fat person, who has their own needs and desires. The other ones only care about the fat and their own needs. I remember meeting a guy with a latex fetish. it was like he literally did not care who I was or what I said or did or wanted or needed, he just wanted me to wear latex. I love ethical fetishists. They are some of the most interesting and passionate people. They are hard to find.
Your post resonates with me a lot. I like your distinction between ethical fetishists and other fetishists.

I realized quite early in life that I found fat men with big bellies attractive. However, dating such men didn't quite satisfy. My dream was of two fat guys and so I had to be fat too.

I use a dating site for fat gay men. So many men on the site just post photos of their bellies. A disembodied belly leaves me cold. I like good-natured men with bellies. I like to see a guy's face and to find his profile interesting, positive and kind. A sense of humour is a plus. I notice that, when I find a guy with average looks turns out to be sweet and kind, he suddenly looks more attractive, too.

Sometimes, I tell people that I have a "fatish".
 

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