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TallFatSue

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It sounds corny, but when I was 20 and on the brink of adulthood, I wanted to know more than anything whether my life was headed in the right direction, and whether I was making good, informed decisions. If I could tell my younger self anything, I'd say "you're doing fine, but those clothes you're wearing are soooo 1970s!" Wise ass that I am, no doubt I'd tell my older self, "But it is the 1970s!" :rolleyes:

Regarding being fat, my mother gave me the best of advice AND the worst of advice as she repeatedly told me I was wayyyy too fat ever to attract a good husband (yeah right), so I'd better get good grades and find a good career (wellll okay, just in case). And so I became a career woman, and defined myself in terms of who I was rather than by what others said I should be. It so happened that my Mr. Right fell into my lap anyway, albeit disguised as Mr. Just-Plain-Wrong, but I had enough presence of mind to recognize a diamond in the rough. Well, actually he was a lump of coal, but with enough heat and pressure he BECAME a diamond in the rough. After 27-going-on-28 years of marriage he sure shines whenever I buff him up (nudge nudge, wink wink). :smitten:

One of the best advantages of being as fat as I am is it's helped teach me what is and is not truly important in life. I can starve myself the rest of my life and be thin, or I can accept and accommodate my fat and lead a rich, rewarding life -- I cannot possibly do both. It pays to set good priorities, and have a focus. :D
 

ashmamma84

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Not quite 30 yet, but here goes

Never let your inner child die. Always remain curious about the world; do something you've never done.

Get outside of your head. Tame the negative tape running.

Fall in love with yourself. Be confident and if at first you can't, fake it til you make it.

Travel and travel some more. Lose yourself to find yourself.

Build/create a fabulous life for yourself - people naturally gravitate towards vibrate, active people.

Take care of your body. See your doc, excercise, etc.
 

ThatFatGirl

Why am I still here?
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1. Don't spend so much time on the computer.
2. The tingly feeling and swelling in your lower limbs is not normal. That's your body telling you it needs to move more.
3. When the doctor recommends you do the above as well as elevate your legs, and begin wearing compression stockings, listen. Lymphedema isn't fun.

Those were the first things that came to mind for me. There's so much many of you have mentioned here that I'd also wish someone had said to me, though I'm not sure I would have believed or been too receptive to it. I really needed it beaten into my head that being fat doesn't make me any less of a person or less worthy of love than anyone else.
 

Tau

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Not quite 30 yet, but here goes

Never let your inner child die. Always remain curious about the world; do something you've never done.

Get outside of your head. Tame the negative tape running.

Fall in love with yourself. Be confident and if at first you can't, fake it til you make it.

Travel and travel some more. Lose yourself to find yourself.

Build/create a fabulous life for yourself - people naturally gravitate towards vibrate, active people.

Take care of your body. See your doc, excercise, etc.
That first one...when I was younger and my teachers and other adults kept telling me never to forget my dreams, to never stop laughing and playing, I was always like: WTF is this crazy women on about?? How can I forget my dreams? Why would I stop playing, stop being a child? Ah, the sweet, blissful arrogance of youth. Keeping that inner innocense, that joy in life alive has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Being around my niece helps, that child saved my laughter and my soul more times than I can actually say, and she keeps doing it. But that is honestly such amazing advice, but extremely difficult to follow.
 

tattooU

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One of the best advantages of being as fat as I am is it's helped teach me what is and is not truly important in life. I can starve myself the rest of my life and be thin, or I can accept and accommodate my fat and lead a rich, rewarding life -- I cannot possibly do both. It pays to set good priorities, and have a focus. :D
This is such a great bit of philosophy!

i think the main thing i would tell the younger me would be to accept the dimensions of my frame. If your body doesn't fit into a particular piece of clothing, it's not because your body is wrong, the clothing is wrong! Everyone, big and small, fights with clothing that is wrong for their body shape. It's NOT because you're fat! BTW, you're not that fat lol.

Oh, and try to focus on yourself every so often. It's not selfish, it's healthy. You need to. Otherwise you'll get lost... and the way back is hard to see from here.
 

Sandie_Zitkus

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I've said this before but --

When he says he has quit drinking -- RUN!! You'll thank me later. :)
 

katherine22

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You were perfect just the way you are. Push yourself to be interested in others instead of focusing on your figure flaws. Expand your concept of beauty - you saw enough paintings on musuem walls showing that big women were beautiful. Never allow anyone to define you or limit your options. Confidence and a great dress are very sexy. Fall in love with yourself and others will be attracted to you. You are the one that you were waiting for. You are the main course - the men are only the desert.
Men who love you are not psychopaths. Question the opinions of the majority.
 

Cat

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I love this thread!

------------

1. Take risks. Don't waste your twenties wondering if you're good enough, smart enough or thin enough. You are. If you are questioning the path to take, choose the riskier path. You can change your mind later if you want.

2. Not everyone will like you, regardless of what you decide to do or what you look like. Just take the risk.

3. The safe path isn't the most interesting. Take the risk.

4. Risk. Risk. Risk.

-------------
 
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BubbleButtBabe

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You were perfect just the way you are. Push yourself to be interested in others instead of focusing on your figure flaws. Expand your concept of beauty - you saw enough paintings on musuem walls showing that big women were beautiful. Never allow anyone to define you or limit your options. Confidence and a great dress are very sexy. Fall in love with yourself and others will be attracted to you. You are the one that you were waiting for. You are the main course - the men are only the desert.
Men who love you are not psychopaths. Question the opinions of the majority.
That right there speaks volumes and I hope all the young women reading this thread gets that!
 

Lovelyone

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Rainy, yet another fantastic start to a thread!

I would tell my younger self to:

1. Not to give my love and trust to someone who does not deserve it. If there are doubts listen to them.
2. Open my heart and life to others.
3 Share my experiences cos you never know how what you have to say might change another person's life.
4. Remember that God doesn't make junk. Everyone has value
5. Enjoy the little moments, cos that's what life is all about.
6. Revel in being a woman.
7. Don't be afraid to fall in love.
8. Don't spend so much time being angry and bitter towards people who can't/won't accept you. You'd be better off spending that time with people who do.
9. Don't be selfish. Hold his hand until he passes and tell him its okay to go.
10. Love is unconditional. You should give it without expecting to get it in return.
11. When someone hurts you...forgive them. Its better for you in the long run.
12. If you feel generous about lending a family member money...DON'T. You will never get it back.

I would tell my very young self:

1. 4th grade --Don't twist the comb more than ONCE on one stand of hair, like a curling iron..cos you'll never get it out (causing your mom to cut it at the forehead leaving you a bald spot where bangs should be). And don't wear the underwear with the tiny strawberries printed on them to school. If you do they will stick out of your pants and the kids will tease and torment you all through high school about how your ass is so big that you need a bushel basket and a wheelbarrow to pick the strawberries.
2. 6th grade--don't steal and try to ride Brian's skateboard. He is right, its too fast for you and you will get seriously hurt.
3. 7th grade-Don't let the fact that the first boy you wrote a love note to threw it on the floor and stomped on it...make you not write any more of them.
4. 9th grade--Stay away from that hot dog at the fair that caused you to get food poisoning.
5. Senior in high school--Go to college now. Don't wait.
 
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Rainy, yet another fantastic start to a thread!

I would tell my younger self to:

1. Not to give my love and trust to someone who does not deserve it. If there are doubts listen to them.
2. Open my heart and life to others.
3 Share my experiences cos you never know how what you have to say might change another person's life.
4. Remember that God doesn't make junk. Everyone has value
5. Enjoy the little moments, cos that's what life is all about.
6. Revel in being a woman.
7. Don't be afraid to fall in love.
8. Don't spend so much time being angry and bitter towards people who can't/won't accept you. You'd be better off spending that time with people who do.
9. Don't be selfish. Hold his hand until he passes and tell him its okay to go.
10. Love is unconditional. You should give it without expecting to get it in return.
11. When someone hurts you...forgive them. Its better for you in the long run.
12. If you feel generous about lending a family member money...DON'T. You will never get it back.

I would tell my very young self:

1. 4th grade --Don't twist the comb more than ONCE on one stand of hair, like a curling iron..cos you'll never get it out (causing your mom to cut it at the forehead leaving you a bald spot where bangs should be). And don't wear the underwear with the tiny strawberries printed on them to school. If you do they will stick out of your pants and the kids will tease and torment you all through high school about how your ass is so big that you need a bushel basket and a wheelbarrow to pick the strawberries.
2. 6th grade--don't steal and try to ride Brian's skateboard. He is right, its too fast for you and you will get seriously hurt.
3. 7th grade-Don't let the fact that the first boy you wrote a love note to threw it on the floor and stomped on it...make you not write any more of them.
4. 9th grade--Stay away from that hot dog at the fair that caused you to get food poisoning.
5. Senior in high school--Go to college now. Don't wait.
What wonderful words of wisdom Lovelyone...they had me crying and laughing.
I tried to rep you, but this blasted thing keeps stopping me.
 

LovelyLiz

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I love this thread sooooo much. :wubu: Thank you, rainy!

This is what I would tell my high school/college/early 20s self:

-You don't need to take everything personally. When someone is rude or unkind or rejecting of you, it says something about their own limitations and not about whether you are a good or worthwhile person.
-Receive all the love that comes to you, even if it doesn't come in the form or from the person you want it to come from. Truly take it in, believe it, and be strengthened by it.
-Take care of your body, doing that will help you to love it.
-Find friends and relationships that can be mutual, and if you find yourself bearing most of the load, it's okay to take a step back and let them do some of the work of initiating. And if they don't, that's alright. You'll find plenty of people who will.
-Take a compliment. Don't throw it back. Just say "Thank you." It's really that easy.
-It's okay to have strong opinions and convictions and to share them. Some people will tell you it's not okay and that you always need to dial it down. F**k 'em.

And finally...

-You're going to be single for a looooooooooong time. But that's okay, because you will always have amazing friends, and you're going to learn to enjoy your own company too. Loneliness is just part of life for everyone, it doesn't mean you're a loser. But keep choosing to hope, in the midst of everything.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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*People don't change....unless they want to....and more than likely they won't change because of anything you do for them or say to them.

*You don't need "fixer upper" people in your life....there are plenty of things about yourself that you can spend your time fixing

*You are worth the time it takes to make yourself into the person you see in your mind's eye.

*You are intelligent, capable and don't need to always be second guessing yourself. Confidence is not the same as arrogance.

*Those that seem to enjoy telling you that you cannot do things.....don't want you to succeed. They don't feel that way because there is something wrong with you......but because they doubt themselves.

*You don't need to "prove" yourself to people. Over time, they tend to see the real person that you are.....and most tend to like her. Believe it......

*When he physically abuses you, swears off alcohol and then comes out of the store carrying another beer a mere four hours later.....leave him. Drive off.....fuck him and your concern about him. Let that beer take care of him because he loves it more than you. This is the truth no matter what he says.

*Stop dancing to his tune because you are scared of him....and oh yes, fucking admit that you are. He still treats you like shit whether you please him or not.......so why would you do that dance with him?

*Just because a man isn't with another woman doesn't mean he hasn't been unfaithful to you. Lying, deceit and abuse come in many forms.....and you should put up with none of it.

*Don't give people free reign to stomp all over you and your life- if they get mad at the reasonable boundaries you set, that's because they are assholes and not worth your time.

*You don't have to "settle" to have people around you.

*You're far better off being alone than settling......and the word settling is too nice for what you have done to yourself.

*You don't wear a mark that says abuse me....you invited those people into your life.

*Showing them the door was much easier than you thought it would be.

*Forgiving people is important....because not forgiving them allows all those bad feelings to eat you up from the inside out.

*After you forgive everyone, go back and forgive the most important one again......yourself.

*You're okay now.

*Let It Be
 

Tracy

Fat & Sassy
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I would tell my younger self:
1. You are just fine the way you are.
2. All of the other young ladies are going through the same stuff that you are. They are no different than you. We all hurt on the inside sometimes.
3. Study and make good grades.
4. Go to college! Don't wait until you are forty years old.
5. Never second guess yourself. Take that chance it might be the right one.
6. Find someone to talk to about all that bothers you. That is what friends are for.
 

Punkin1024

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Love this thread.

There is a country song by Brad Paisley called "Letter to Me". The song is about writing a letter to himself when he was a teen. I love that song.

What I would tell myself:

You don't have to be skinny to be attractive. There are actually men out there that find fat women attractive! (If I'd have known this, I wouldn't have dieted all my young adult life.)
There's this group out there that supports fat people, join it.
Eat more fresh fruit and veggies. Your body will thank you.
Walk, walk, walk.
Finding a husband should not be your life goal.
Get your masters and doctorate in Psychology before you get married because you won't do it otherwise. You'll never regret it.
Be independent. Get out there and enjoy life.

Yup, I think that about covers it!
 

Aust99

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In chats and other discussions with fat women, I've noticed that the words, "I wish I'd known then" often come up when we talk about our younger selves.

If you're 30+, what do you wish you'd known when you were younger? Or what would you tell your younger self now if you could, especially regarding being fat? Answers from BBWs and SSBBWs only please.


(((((Subscribes)))))

Sitting back and taking notes ladies... thanks for the advice...
 

BubbleButtBabe

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What would you like to know Aust? I imagine there are enough of us with enough years under our belt to discuss anything you want! :)
 

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