Question for the ladies...

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saturdayasusual

Miss Misery
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I used to feel insignificant and self conscious when around smaller women because that's what the general population of guys seem to be attracted to. Then I came here, gained self acceptance as well as someone who likes me just the way I am. However, now I find that I feel insignificant and self conscious around women who are bigger.

Am I the only one?

In my case, there's a lot more to it than just insecurity. :( It's a long story so I won't get into it here.

I just wanted to know if anyone else had the same problem.
 

Jes

is oddly aroused
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You are most certainly not the only one.

I was reminded a few weeks back by someone very smart that Dims is skewed toward very large women/men. It's a place that admirers often come to look for very fat people--Super Size. It's not a cross slice of average people, with average preferences, in other words. It's not the gamut of experiences, but weighted toward admiring the supersized.*

keep that in mind. Dims is not only not a slice of all life, it's not even a slice of all fat life, at many times and in many ways.

Let's say you have a lot of housecats. You really like them and you have 10, and you find an online forum where people with a lotta housecats chat and meet up.

And you're here for awhile, talking about your cats, your hopes and dreams for your cats, the cats you had as a child...and you start to see that the average number of housecats belonging to members is...20. And those people with more than 20 seem to be the more popular, impressive people.

So now you're looking at Fluffy and Whitey and Lumpy and thinking: feh. These old fleabags? I need more cats to fit in here! No one will even notice me 'til I have at least 15!

What your'e forgetting, b/c of how you've framed the situation in your own mind, is that 10 housecats is actually a lot, comparatively speaking. I'd venture to say most people in the US don't have anywhere near 10 housecats. And they certainly don't have 15 or 20 or more. But being steeped in the SuperSize Housecat forum makes alters your perception of reality and makes you think that you need to add to your stable of cats just to add to it, in order to match up to something that doesn't really exist outside of that web board. At least not in the same way.

that's how *I* see it and that's how I explain all of this to myself. Everyone else's mileage may vary.

*N.B. I didn't say ONLY. And i'm not disparaging it either. Now, I hope that's enough caveat-ing.
 

Tooz

sweet chocolate christ
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Jes, I am so naming my next cat "Whitey" because of your post!

To OP: No. Yeah yeah, I'm still on the bigger end and blah blah blah, but I don't feel inferior or superior simply due to body size. I think it's different for everyone, though.
 

Shosh

Susannah
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Hi,
Please don't feel badly about yourself. I have told my story over and over, short version I weighed nearly 300 pounds for more than a decade. Now I weigh a lot less.
I understand that many men here at Dims are attracted to supersized women and that I would just not rate.
I am not personally here at Dims looking to make a love connection. I am here at Dims to be a part of the size acceptance movement and to come to terms with myself as somebody who will always be a fat girl regardless of my current weight. I am here to make friendships though and I feel lucky to have done so here.

You are a unique individual. It sounds corny ,but there really is only one you. I think it is valuable to love yourself and never compare yourself to others. It is hard. I struggle with it myself.
I wish you well.
 

AnnMarie

✰cuddly and terrifying✰
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This is not making light of your post, but I do find irony in the fact that you can post this and on another thread there are supersized women bemoaning how they're not as "wanted" as the "smaller" more acceptable women.

It's a grass is greener issue, and the key is always, always knowing your own worth, your own value as an individual, and that there is no comparison among uniques. Common denominators? Sure. But a unique has value based on its whole - the things it has in total that no other has in total.

I don't know, I'm really not trying to gloss over an issue which is clearly a huge one for some people here and everywhere in life, but I really believe in the snowflake theory. None are less than the other, just all different. You can't compare, just prefer one to another. There is no fault or envy in that, just appreciation from all sides in all directions.

For every single size represented here, in men and women, there is a person (hell, a group of people) who are into that specific size/build/look, etc. I have been around to see it, I know it. I think this is a large part of why these things don't bother me at all.

I know that my appeal is seen to some, not to others. I'm more than fine with that - and the people who like bigger or smaller or blonder or taller or shorter or bustier or bellier or thinner legs or younger, etc.... that's fine.

I'm me, like it or not. I don't feel better or worse based on the size of those around me - whether in real life or "Dim" life. Based on how many people (again, both men and women) are affected that way, I guess I consider myself pretty fortunate. I wasn't born feeling this way, either. I worked hard to know me, and I'm sure it sounds puffy and chest-thumping, but I earned the freedom that knowledge gave me. I wish I could pass it out.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

Funky Faerie Queene
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I used to feel that way too, Saturday. Over time, I have gained self-esteem, as well. However, my "self-acceptance" journey has been on-going for several years. It wasn't just Dims that brought me to this place in myself- it was also life changes, friendships, self examination and soul searching and generally striving for a better me and viewpoint every day of my life.
Funny thing I noticed today.....at my job, I realized that I had automatically assigned myself as "fat girl" there.... I was the "second fattest" (wtf that means :doh: ) as in only one person was bigger than me....but she was "better" than me in my mind because she fit in better (of course she did...she has been there a lot longer). Looking around today....I realized that only one out of us seven up front is actually "thin" (she is a petite- very naturally small). One other that is always dieting isn't fat... just not "too thin". The rest would be considered "chubby" to "fat" out in world that is not Dims. Wow......it took me three months to see it. I just assigned myself some imaginary position there.......like I already asked..WTF is that about? It's a hard question because....I might not like all the implications of the answer. However, it's a question worth asking...and answering because in the end it leads to the honesty that I need to see myself...and love myself.
I hope this post wasn't rambling and that you can get something out of it- it simply means that a lot of what we see is colored by our inner emotions and ingrained thought patterns. Learning to break free from those things is a big and important step in learning to love yourself. :)
 

bexy

is red again <3
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i used to feel that way around smaller slimmer ladies, but not anymore...
ive never felt that way about big girls, as i dont see that many of them, if i do we often hit it off talking about clothes etc, i know that i stand out and look different due to my hair and piercings, so basically i dont feel that way about anyone...i dont feel threatened...thats not to say i dont get upset if someone name calls at me. of course i do. but in general i am very confident as i know there is only one bex, so whilst i may be standing next to a big girl or a thin girl, they arent me and never will be.


just be assured that you are a beautiful girl, naturally you will always compare yourself to ppl around u, and now that you have found out through dims that there is a whole genre of your type of girls, they have become your peers and therefore the ppl you are more likely to compare yourself to.

just remember there is only one of you, life is too short to get hung up over the things other girls have that you dont, or that you dislike about yourself as chances are someone else finds those exact things the most beautiful about you.

:)
 

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