Questioning my FA-dom......

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Green Eyed Fairy

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2. apparantly fat girls don't communicate verbally! did you guys know this already? i had no idea. instead, turns out the proper way to introduce yourself to one is by handing her food. makes sense though, right? i mean i know that i for one don't even understand simple gestures if there isn't a big mac involved.
3. where do fat girls hang out? why dunkin donuts, of course!

This is why I choose to hang out in steakhouse parking lots instead..... he's gonna HAVE to spring for a t-bone with this hard cookie! ;) :p
 

Leonard

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Well, i actually thought this was cute. If a guy picked me up in Dunkin Donuts Id be quite delighted and I have been given boxes of sweets before by FAs and never been insulted. It was meant with sweet sentiment, and some gentle humour. I just don't think every post on the boards needs to be torn apart when it doesnt talk about loving women for our souls, inner selves, liberated... vaginas, or whatever. First attraction in a relationship is usually physical, fact. NO matter how "above" that some people might think they are. You never know, a guy who walks up to you in a chocolate shop (well you didnt get fat by eating lettuce), might actually have a wonderful mind, intellect and be the sweetest guy alive. The fact he is an FA should be an added advantage ;) . If he is an ass or only interested in your fat then you'll soon work that out, just as quickly as if you met him in a bar and he never bought you anything but a gin and tonic.
I agree with Ruby. Rsoxrule's post was unquestionably crude, but I got the impression that it was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek. His overall message was a positive one: don't worry what other people think and embrace being an FA.
 

SchecterFA

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@kerrypop: It's not that *I* feel like a slimeball for liking big women, it's that I come here and get slammed for doing so, which makes me FEEL like a slimeball pervert. I had thought that Dimensions was a place where ALL who like bigger women were tolerated. But then I turn around and get flack for "trying to force my perverted views on all women" which makes me FEEL like a slimeball for liking what I do. Am I making sense?
I think that you're intelligent enough to know that Dimensions is certainly a place that at the very least, tolerates the liking of big women , regardless of what you say about it. I think that you're aware of that very clearly, but at the same time, you're pushing that button. The fact that you're willing to go that far out on a limb to make it clear that you're VICTIMIZED, VICTIMIZED, VICTIMIZED says something about you that you've yet to confront as a human. That is a character trait that you need to drop if you want to advance as a person and socialite. This may sound very much like armchair psychology, but I'm calling this like I see it.

But I'll buy it that you don't accept yourself, since I've had those thoughts before, and some of those I absolutely believed for a while. You seemed to mention the set of basic instincts of the average FA male here that posts here on a regular basis, excluding some of the 'weirder' stuff that is mentioned. I've got a few of those 'weirder' quirks that I pray that you don't have, because it seems to me like you'd actually chop your own penis off if you had any of those, judging from the moral severity of 'liking big girls' to begin, with as you see it.

To be a dignified individual, you have to face your basest instincts, and learn to coexist with things that you absolutely cannot change, like the fact that you have five fingers or that you're a certain height, that you're going to require food to live and that you're going to expire from this earth one day. Or the fact that you like fat girls. For people like us, its a bit harder. But look at people who are coprophagists and shut up. Imagine how much HARDER it would be to be a vorarephiliac. Think about a emetophiliac. Comprehend that.

And you're debating to create circles. It does not require four pages of responses from 50 different people to address your issues that you've stated, normally this should be reserved for something like politics, nanotechnology, a college-campus shooting, or ... a consensus to evaluate public opinion. And I'm hoping that you value your self more than to let self-esteem weigh on public opinion.

And unless you've been banned, I think you've stopped posting because you see that no one here is going to throw a pity party in your honor and no attractive fat girls at that party are going to coddle you, instead, we're going to call you out because we've been there before and know what is going on. Sorry I wrote so much in this post, I thought about ignoring this but then I realized that you're probably a person in real life who premeditated this post, and its extremely harmful to do this to yourself. Not just hating your orientation, but willfully being naive because being brave is too hard.
 

CurvaceousBBWLover

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Chill, Karnage. Life is too short to get so upset.

I've gotten some interesting reactions from people when they found out that I liked big women. Some people didn't care. Some raised their eyebrows. Some became derisive. I've had big women look at me as if I were some kind of pervert because of my desires. I've dealt with women who would not turn on the lights when we had sex because they did not want me to see how large they were. I even had a woman to think that the only reason I liked her was because of her size.

No man should ever tell a woman what to do with her body. That is both inappropriate and insensitive.

I am an interracial dater and I will tell you it's no different from being an FA. You have a preference that is different from the majority's, and so you are going to get the whole gamut of reactions from others. Some will ignore you, some will laugh at you, some will look at you with raised eyebrows or stares and others will take you seriously. Disregard the reactions of others and go for the love you seek.

Being a fat admirer does not mean wanting a woman to eat until she becomes sick. The feeders and the fetishists are into that. I have been an acknowledged FA for 6 1/2 years and I have never been aroused by extreme eating. You're on your own there, brother.

And being an FA does not mean you must be a belly lover. Some of us love breasts, thighs, calves, fat backs, fat necks, fat faces, big hips and thighs, and any combination of these.

Sometimes some big women may not understand why you would be attracted to them. Trust me, it's not you. It's the fact that all women have self-acceptance issues. Given that big women are the brunt of bigoted attitudes about obesity, how can you be surprised that some women might regard you with skepticism? Some women are happy to be big, and some hate it.

We live in a close-minded society that preaches freedom but practices discrimination. What you have to remember is that you cannot let the discriminators' ideas form the basis of your self concept. Nobody said having a seuxal preference different from most of America would be easy. You have it and you may as well be happy.




*Le SIGH*

After the less than enthusiastic response to the first thread I ever tried to start here at Dimensions, I find myself questioning my FA-dom. Is it WRONG for me to like big women? Apparently so, according to many of you here.

Because, as a man, I should NEVER, Eeeeeeeeeeever, tell a women what to do with her body, I am WRONG in being an FA.

Because I like big women, but women don't like being big, I am a-GAIN, wrong in being an FA.

Because I'd rather look at a healthy, plus sized woman, than a rack of ribs, I AM WRONG in being an FA.

Because I am a man, I am wrong in being an FA.

Because I am a man, I should have no opinion on what attracts me to a women, because she can look any way she wants.......I am wrong in being an FA.

Because I am a man, I should have no opinion on FA-dom whatsoever, I am wrong in being an FA.

Because being an FA is sick, wrong and gross, and wanting a woman to eat until she becomes fat is sick, disgusting and gross, I am wrong for being an FA.

Because liking big bellies is wrong, since women don't like having big bellies, I am wrong for being an FA.

Being a man is wrong. Therefore, I am wrong by birth.



These are but a few of the sentiments that have been impressed upon me during my short time here at Dimensions. And let me tell you.......this has me more than a little confused. But I guess the bottom line is...........I just don't fucking know anymore.
 

superodalisque

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i can sympathize with you about how you might feel. but as an ssbbw i feel the same way when i express myself. i'm often told that i do not like FAs because i refuse to accept anything that makes me uncomfortable personally. if i don't feel like eating at a particular moment i am supposed to be hiding a natural tendency toward erotic gluttony that i must possess. if i don't eat a lot i'm also a pretender of some kind. there is something wrong with me if i cringe when i hear other women being referred to as bags of bones and skinny bitches. i'm supposed to like to see other women be degraded for their looks the same as bbws and ssbbws have been. i am also supposed to like being objectified to the point that no one really cares what my name is, what accomplishments i have or how strong i am. i'm only supposed to be a collection of numbers and measurements and nothing else. and, i'm supposed to like it. i'm told that i am whore if i show my body. i'm also told that i'm a prude if i do not. i am supposed to gladly accept this behavior because no one except and FA would want me, even though experience has taught me otherwise. i am not supposed to expect to have a real relationship, only be a fuck buddy. intimacy is a waste of time. i shouldn't have the self esteem of the beautiful lovely woman i am who asks for what she wants and says how she feels. i am not supposed to be threatening in any way to your sexuality simply because i exist and i have an opinion. i am wrong because i am a woman and i don't know my place.
 

diggers1917

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To an extent I can sympathise with 'questioning' your FA-dom, but in the context of questioning ourselves in all aspects. If we question ourselves we can come to understand ourselves more fully and even discover new aspects. However, you appear to be less 'questioning', more hating. In that I can also empathise having been in a similar state a few years ago, I certainly wouldn't recomend it. I thought my being attracted to big girls and weight gain in particular made me an inherently bad, manipulative personality (as this was how I had seen such people portrayed), not worthy of happiness.

I was lucky - I came out the other side a more rounded personality. I came to see beauty in woman of all sizes. A nice big woman still grabs my attention faster, but I can find something beautiful and attractive in near all the woman I know, be they plump, supersized or skinny. I realised that my inclinations didn't dictate whether I was good or bad, only how I act on them. I still have problems with self-confidence, but they do not stem from shame of my preferences.

As I say, I was lucky; I could just have desended into a pit of dispair and never come out, being ashamed of myself for no good reason.

In your claim that it is the people on this board who have led you to start 'questioning' yourself, I must say I'd dispute that - watching this boards for years was part of what helped me escape the pit. Either way I hope you come to a conclusion that you are genuinely certain of and (more importantly) genuinely happy with.
 

LoveBHMS

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Karnage-

I think the first thing you need to do is pack up your emotional baggage and put luggage tags on it and send it off someplace. Because really, your anger/rage issues are totally out of proportion to responses on an internet site.

Considering how much I requote Red Hot Ava on this statement, I feel bad she's not getting royalties, but here goes: this site is about size acceptance, not fat supremacy. One thing that is virtually never well received is when a man talks about changing a woman's body. It's come up in various incarnations and in nearly ALL instances, yes, the women do get angry about it b/c feeling as if you have the right to change somebody else's body for the sole reason that it would become more sexually appealing to you is just all sorts of wrong. And if you read any thread in which an FA asks how he can encourage his partner to change her appearance, he will nearly always get negative repsonses from many women, both SSBBW's and average size women.

Human sexuality is at once very complex and very simple. You like what you like. You just do. You may or may not feel as if you need to figure out why you have the preferences you do and you may or may not feel the need to explain them to others. For me, the sum total of what I say both to myself and to others is "I don't know why, but I just think bigger guys are cute." I don't know you or your peer group or family or if anyone around you will or won't care who you date--those are issues you can work out on Dims if you present them in a calm and rational manner. Most FA's will likely be happy to share their experiences with you.

As to the extent of your FA'ness. You may or may not really know where you are with it, or you may know but it's still sort of working its way to the front of your brain. Sometimes it can be a difficult thing to get your head around (WTF??? Why do I only get a hard on when I see a woman who is 350 lbs or more? Why do I need to think of feederism and weight gain in order to get aroused?) but given time, it'll come to you.
 

KerryNation

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I think the first thing you need to do is pack up your emotional baggage and put luggage tags on it and send it off someplace. Because really, your anger/rage issues are totally out of proportion to responses on an internet site.

Considering how much I requote Red Hot Ava on this statement, I feel bad she's not getting royalties, but here goes: this site is about size acceptance, not fat supremacy. One thing that is virtually never well received is when a man talks about changing a woman's body. It's come up in various incarnations and in nearly ALL instances, yes, the women do get angry about it b/c feeling as if you have the right to change somebody else's body for the sole reason that it would become more sexually appealing to you is just all sorts of wrong. And if you read any thread in which an FA asks how he can encourage his partner to change her appearance, he will nearly always get negative repsonses from many women, both SSBBW's and average size women.

Human sexuality is at once very complex and very simple. You like what you like. You just do. You may or may not feel as if you need to figure out why you have the preferences you do and you may or may not feel the need to explain them to others. For me, the sum total of what I say both to myself and to others is "I don't know why, but I just think bigger guys are cute." I don't know you or your peer group or family or if anyone around you will or won't care who you date--those are issues you can work out on Dims if you present them in a calm and rational manner. Most FA's will likely be happy to share their experiences with you.

As to the extent of your FA'ness. You may or may not really know where you are with it, or you may know but it's still sort of working its way to the front of your brain. Sometimes it can be a difficult thing to get your head around (WTF??? Why do I only get a hard on when I see a woman who is 350 lbs or more? Why do I need to think of feederism and weight gain in order to get aroused?) but given time, it'll come to you.
But if this is TRULY a "size acceptance" board, please explain the "Plus size Paysite" section, and all of the thousands of stories (one of which I WAS writing myself before all this happened) about fattening women up.

I see nothing about, for, or concerning skinny women, or fetishizing women LOSING weight here. So pardon my confusion when I question that statement, and find it bizarre that in a place that has a subforum simply for women to post pictures of how fat they've gotten, that so many women would bash me for my preferrences.

Still confused.
 

activistfatgirl

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There's no reason for all the bright and exprienced posters to continue to give advice, share stories, extend offers of support or a different way of looking at things if its falling on deaf ears. 3 pages of posts is enough.

If the OP wants to understand what this community is about (and this includes the subforums/communities interested and active in WG and fetish activities) his best bet is to re-read this entire thread once more, and then read more threads and get involved in the community, not begin a one man tour of victimization and questions that has now spanned over two threads. There are more than enough active gainers and folks into weight gain on the weight board. There's no reason to continue hashing this out. But maybe I'm with Blazingguns here.
 

Jane

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People, please note the OP's name.

Would "Shit-Stirrer" have made it any clearer?
 

KerryNation

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People, please note the OP's name.

Would "Shit-Stirrer" have made it any clearer?

Right, because that has everything to do with the discussion at hand.


Your words did NOT fall on deaf ears, and in fact, are being seriously considered and contemplated.
 

SamanthaNY

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That's it, Junior - you're reported.

Enough.

This site is what it is - you can participate and learn without questioning every damn thing, or you can.... not. We're quite fine with the way it is, and I for one don't appreciate your questioning and criticizing a place that has given you an opportunity to express your confusion over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over while bashing those that have tried to hold honest dicussions with you.

Enough.
 

activistfatgirl

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Oh, ok. There's the whole learning to understand the community thing OR the getting your ass banned thing.

I'm only trying to lure you in now. muhaha.

I'd be upset you just insulted Jane like that, but I'm sure she'll take it as a compliment. :wubu:
 
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