FillingOut
Member
Hello,
I've posted a few times in the past, but this is getting to be more and more an important issue for me. Basically, I'm a self-hating BHM.
I've always been different from other guys in that I've never liked looking masculine. I'm not gay, and I understand that lots of girls (BHM lovers or not) find it sexy when a guy is tall and broad shouldered, whether or not he's fat. I'm 6'3", about 235...and I'm ashamed of my size.
It's not the fat I hate (more on that in a minute). Fat can usually be lost if you really want to. It's my build. If I were in shape, I would probably have the kind of build a lot of guys would like...V-shaped, naturally broad shoulders and chest, etc. I'm not trying to play myself off as some sort of hot guy or anything, but this IS how I'm built. Over the years, I've wanted to find a way to get scrawnier...to lose my chest and shoulders, to erase a lot of the overly masculine things about me like body hair, etc. Most people don't understand and say I'm crazy, thinking that any guy who doesn't want the standard muscular V-shape is nuts (and I'm sure people on here are used to being regarded in similar fashion for wanting to be, or be with, a fat guy). If a girl finds me attractive as a big, masculine guy, it makes me feel horrible because she inevitably is expecting some macho pickup truck and sports loving type. I'm not into manly stuff, so I hate having this image...and getting in shape via weights might only exacerbate the situation.
Onto my relationship with fat. First off, I have to say I love the things the women on this site say regarding big men. Although I loathe women who expect men to be big and tough and all that, I think it's really sweet (and, I have to admit, downright sexy) to hear girls rhapsodize over soft bellies, chubby arms, love handles, etc.). I've always been into girls growing larger, but it wasn't until fairly recently that I realized that it turned me on when I began to fatten up as well.
I know the decision to gain is a personal one, and I would never ask someone to make it for me. I'm just looking for opinions and insight. It seems that I will never be the scrawny sort of guy I wish I could be, and while I understand the appeal of being in great shape, I don't know if it's right to ignore these feelings I have re. fat. To get a belly rub, to me, would be far sexier than any sort of oral gratification there is (I've tried it *lol) and if I were to fatten up a bit, I'd be turned on by comments related to it, as long as they were well-intended.
I don't believe in self-love. I think most of us are stuck with how we look, like it or not, and I dont think "loving yourself" is necessary to have a relationship. I mean, come on...who really loves the way they look anyway? I guess I'm just trying to figure out if being chubby and even getting chubbier is really the way I am. Right now I'm an unhappy 28-year-old guy who's never found sexual gratification from a partner before, nor had a serious relationship. Making the decision to commit to being chubby (never mind gaining...though that is a total possibility) is a tough one for me, and I realize that people here are going to be biased (but in a good way, I think). I just know that I need to come to an answer soon, because this is driving me crazy inside. I'm a tall, broad shouldered guy who wants to look scrawny but wouldn't be turned on by it, who is turned on by being plump, and not really sure what the next step is.
As I said, I know that ultimately, my body and what I do/feel about it is my business. However, I wanted to throw this problem out there. I'm sure that my debacle is unique in that I despise traditional iron-pumping masculinity, but I doubt I'm the only chubby guy out there who had reservations about giving into his sexual urges, as harmless as they may be.
About six years ago, after years of hiding, I "came out" about liking plump girls. I found that within a day, I was proud to like chubby girls and never felt ashamed of it again. I wonder if this is another step. Still, I cant help but think: "Why do I have to be into this? Why does being chubby and getting fatter turn have to turn me on?"
Anyway, I'd be interested in hearing your responses. This tends to be a pretty frank and thoughtful board, and I'm hoping I'll hear more than just a didactic "You need to love yourself the way you are" homily.
Will
I've posted a few times in the past, but this is getting to be more and more an important issue for me. Basically, I'm a self-hating BHM.
I've always been different from other guys in that I've never liked looking masculine. I'm not gay, and I understand that lots of girls (BHM lovers or not) find it sexy when a guy is tall and broad shouldered, whether or not he's fat. I'm 6'3", about 235...and I'm ashamed of my size.
It's not the fat I hate (more on that in a minute). Fat can usually be lost if you really want to. It's my build. If I were in shape, I would probably have the kind of build a lot of guys would like...V-shaped, naturally broad shoulders and chest, etc. I'm not trying to play myself off as some sort of hot guy or anything, but this IS how I'm built. Over the years, I've wanted to find a way to get scrawnier...to lose my chest and shoulders, to erase a lot of the overly masculine things about me like body hair, etc. Most people don't understand and say I'm crazy, thinking that any guy who doesn't want the standard muscular V-shape is nuts (and I'm sure people on here are used to being regarded in similar fashion for wanting to be, or be with, a fat guy). If a girl finds me attractive as a big, masculine guy, it makes me feel horrible because she inevitably is expecting some macho pickup truck and sports loving type. I'm not into manly stuff, so I hate having this image...and getting in shape via weights might only exacerbate the situation.
Onto my relationship with fat. First off, I have to say I love the things the women on this site say regarding big men. Although I loathe women who expect men to be big and tough and all that, I think it's really sweet (and, I have to admit, downright sexy) to hear girls rhapsodize over soft bellies, chubby arms, love handles, etc.). I've always been into girls growing larger, but it wasn't until fairly recently that I realized that it turned me on when I began to fatten up as well.
I know the decision to gain is a personal one, and I would never ask someone to make it for me. I'm just looking for opinions and insight. It seems that I will never be the scrawny sort of guy I wish I could be, and while I understand the appeal of being in great shape, I don't know if it's right to ignore these feelings I have re. fat. To get a belly rub, to me, would be far sexier than any sort of oral gratification there is (I've tried it *lol) and if I were to fatten up a bit, I'd be turned on by comments related to it, as long as they were well-intended.
I don't believe in self-love. I think most of us are stuck with how we look, like it or not, and I dont think "loving yourself" is necessary to have a relationship. I mean, come on...who really loves the way they look anyway? I guess I'm just trying to figure out if being chubby and even getting chubbier is really the way I am. Right now I'm an unhappy 28-year-old guy who's never found sexual gratification from a partner before, nor had a serious relationship. Making the decision to commit to being chubby (never mind gaining...though that is a total possibility) is a tough one for me, and I realize that people here are going to be biased (but in a good way, I think). I just know that I need to come to an answer soon, because this is driving me crazy inside. I'm a tall, broad shouldered guy who wants to look scrawny but wouldn't be turned on by it, who is turned on by being plump, and not really sure what the next step is.
As I said, I know that ultimately, my body and what I do/feel about it is my business. However, I wanted to throw this problem out there. I'm sure that my debacle is unique in that I despise traditional iron-pumping masculinity, but I doubt I'm the only chubby guy out there who had reservations about giving into his sexual urges, as harmless as they may be.
About six years ago, after years of hiding, I "came out" about liking plump girls. I found that within a day, I was proud to like chubby girls and never felt ashamed of it again. I wonder if this is another step. Still, I cant help but think: "Why do I have to be into this? Why does being chubby and getting fatter turn have to turn me on?"
Anyway, I'd be interested in hearing your responses. This tends to be a pretty frank and thoughtful board, and I'm hoping I'll hear more than just a didactic "You need to love yourself the way you are" homily.
Will
