The Official Joke Thread :D

Dimensions Magazine

Help Support Dimensions Magazine:

CPProp

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
3,972
Location
Blighty
Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
 

CPProp

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
3,972
Location
Blighty
A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.

The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.
 

CPProp

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
3,972
Location
Blighty
What does toilet paper and Madonna have in common?

They both get into the groove.
 

CPProp

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
3,972
Location
Blighty
At the second annual UK women's rights meeting...
a lady from Birmingham stood up and said,

"Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer cook for my husband. On the first day, I saw nothing. On the second day, I saw nothing. On the third day, my husband cooked a wonderful meal, and has continued to cook every night since."

She received a generous round of applause.

Another lady, from London, stood up next and said,

"Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer wash my husband's clothes. On the first day, I saw nothing. On the second day, I saw nothing. On the third day, my husband washed his clothes *and* mine, and has continued to do so every week since."

She, too, received a round of applause.

Finally a lady from Barry (South Wales) stood up to address the audience.

"Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer cook for my husband *or* wash his clothes. On the first day, I saw nothing. On the second day, I saw nothing. On the third day, I could see a little bit out of my left eye."
 

Barbsjw

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2020
Messages
355
Location
Vermont
2 good ones:

1) What kind of person would murder Toucan Sam, the Trix Rabbit or Tony the Tiger?

A: A cereal killer!

2) How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY! ;)
 
Last edited:
Joined
Aug 20, 2018
Messages
99
Location
Richmond, VA
A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
 
Joined
Aug 20, 2018
Messages
99
Location
Richmond, VA
A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office.
The doctor walks in and says, “I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”
“I don’t understand, doc,” the patient says. “Why?”
“Because,” the doctor says. “I’m trying to examine you.”
 

op user

***
Joined
Aug 15, 2006
Messages
593
Location
,
Dazzling Anna is kindly required not to read the following post - the other European members are welcome.

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.


“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.


“German,” she replies.


“Occupation?”


“No, just here for a few days.”
 

DazzlingAnna

DM Supporter
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
1,346
Location
Germany
Dazzling Anna is kindly required not to read the following post - the other European members are welcome.

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.


“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.


“German,” she replies.


“Occupation?”


“No, just here for a few days.”
20210227_224035.jpg
 

op user

***
Joined
Aug 15, 2006
Messages
593
Location
,
I am laughing more with the dog picture than with the joke I wrote when I first heard it.
 

Joker

***
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
2,027
Location
Clarksville TN
Dazzling Anna is kindly required not to read the following post - the other European members are welcome.

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.


“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.


“German,” she replies.


“Occupation?”


“No, just here for a few days.”
Merkel.jpeg
 

Latest posts

Top