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Why do guys choose to date thin(ner) women and then complain about it?

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1love_emily

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I think that some believe that it is socially taboo to date larger women.

Look at the media - how many times are lead characters protrayed as large? Or hell, even average! All of the "beautiful princesses" that people (or just me) have watched in Disney movies have been disproportionately tiny. Look at Barbie. Look at all these things.

It's considered bad in our culture to put someone out there who is a big, beautiful, fat lead. There never are...

I do believe that fat acceptance is a more recent movement... it's something that developers have yet to fully grasp. Once we can universally accept that fat is becoming beautiful, then we will see more "in-closet" FAs come out :)

But...

I think some chose to complain because they are unhappy. They don't have what they want, but because of the taboo, they don't feel it's possible to have what they truly want.

As a single BBW, I know that I understand.

There's a taboo for me to date skinnny, popular guys. That's who I want to date. Instead, people always set me up on dates with the dopey, nerdy, slightly cute guys - which isn't going to work for me. I want someone specific, yet I feel like I can't go ahead and ask them, because it's against the status quo for someone like "him" to go with someone like "me"..

So let's change this! :bounce:
 

superodalisque

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i think that guys do that simply because they are unhappy for sure. those who do this even though they are in a loving relationship are depressingly weak selfish and immature. my experience has been that a lot of men who complain about their partner's body or their sex life in public expect to get a little on the side no matter her size. they are just casting about for someone who has low enough self esteem and little enough respect for another woman's marriage to bite out of competition and desperation. i have just about as much respect for them as people going around complaining that their SO is too fat--which is none.
 
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I don't even think about it anymore. I have gained weight since my kidney transplant and am once again a small BBW. The male interest has disappeared and at this point, who gives a shit? If these guys want to stay in the closet, fine. It's not like I even want to date anymore after my breakup, what with 3 guys saying they want to go out, and then one drops off the face of the earth, one gives me a fake number, and one never calls. I get the hint, fat women are socially unacceptable as dates, but it's ok to talk dirty to us on the phone, use us to stroke your ego, and lie to us to make yourself look better than you are. Honestly, there is no such thing as a real FA and if there is, he's taken or defective in some way. Accept it, I have.
 

1love_emily

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Honestly, there is no such thing as a real FA and if there is, he's taken or defective in some way. Accept it, I have.
I couldn't disagree more.

As a high school student, I understand the feeling of rejection. I know what it's like to have people just not want to date you because your fat. I get that... I really do

But that doesn't mean they're not all taken or "defective".

There are obviously a TON of FAs out in the worlds (especially here on DIMs) that all want us BBWs. We can't give up hope because of one or two or three rejections. If everyone gave up with everything did because of three rejections, what world we have? A world where everyone sat back and "accepted" something lousy.

I refuse

There's a boy on this site who I feel like I might have a chance with. I'm going to pursue him. He's a single, attractive FA. He's not defective.
 

Byagi

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I only read the first few pages of this thread, because it's LONG. I think maybe some people just want attention, so they complain.

Maybe I'm an optimist, but I think most people are pretty open when it comes to matters of love (or lust, I suppose). I don't think I've ever given myself specific constraints one way or the other when it comes to who I choose to date, or love, or be around. It's run the spectrum. I feel like that's the best way to figure out who you are and what you ultimately want. I've dated more voluptuous, beautiful BBWs and I've dated amazing girls that are thin. I think it more comes down to the guy not knowing himself. Of course, it's my opinion, but you can't categorize people one way or another, because in my experience, everyone has so much to give if you allow them a chance.
 

JonesT

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I have dated a few thinner women in the past but honestly I was never physically attracted to them like I am attracted to BBWs
 

TimeTraveller

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As I peruse the various topics one recurrent theme is men who love fat women but cave in and date or marry thin women because that's what society or peer pressure tell them they should. I met the love of my life in 2nd grade, she happened to be fat, and came hell or high water, that's who I married. For guys who can't quite come to grips with their desire for fat women, maybe formal training is necessary, like a hypothetical course in Fat Admiration 101 in The Paper Chase:

Professor Kingsfield: "You come in here with a skull full of mush, and if you survive, you'll leave thinking like a Fat Admirer." :)

No, we need something more drastic. We need Boot Camp for Fat Admirers! Picture these scenes from Full Belly Jacket:

Gunnery Sergeant F.A. Ermey: "I'm Gunnery Sergeant F.A. Ermey, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and the last word out of your filthy sewers will be 'Sir'. Do you maggots understand that?"
Recruits: "Sir! Yes Sir!"
Gunnery Sergeant F.A. Ermey: "I can't hear you!"
Recruits: "SIR! YES SIR!"
Gunnery Sergeant F.A. Ermey: "If you leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a Fat Admirer and you will treat Fat Women with the Love, Dignity and Respect they deserve. You will also learn you should not and will not treat Fat Women as your own personal sex toys because then you are the lowest effing form of vermin on Earth. You will not string them along and you will have no wimpy fear of commitment. You will not date or marry Thin Women and continue to chase Fat Women on the side. You will be man enough to fully embrace Fat Women in all their splendor. But until you graduate you are nothing but unorganized varmints tormented between your desire for Fat Women and your insecurity that society or your family or your effing so-called buddies will disapprove. What the hell do those bastards know? Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. And my orders are break down all your prejudices, indecisions and inner torments, and make you into full-blooded Fat Admirers. Do you maggots understand that?"
Recruits: "Sir! Yes Sir!"
Gunnery Sergeant F.A. Ermey: "I can't hear you!"
Recruits: "SIR! YES SIR!"
Gunnery Sergeant F.A. Ermey: "And if by some un-effing-believable miracle you meet the love of your life, and it is only an un-effing-believable coincidence she is Midsize or Supersize or Hypersize, then you are definitely born again hard. Hell, I may even let you serve in my beloved corps."

Four weeks later:

Recruits: "I don't know but I've been told, fat girls have a heart of gold! I don't know but now I see, fat girls are the girls for me!"

Four more weeks later:

Gunnery Sergeant F.A. Ermey: "Today, you people are no longer maggots. Today, you are Fat Admirers. You're part of a brotherhood. From now on until the day you die, wherever you are, every Fat Admirer is your brother. Most of you will go into fat-phobic society. Some of you will not survive. But always remember this: Fat Admirers truly love Fat Women. That's what we're here for. Fat Admiration lives forever. And that means YOU live forever."
 

BBW_Curious1

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What about the flip side of this coin? Men who date/marry BBW/SSBBW and then complain or try to "drop hints" about losing weight??
 

fatgirl04

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What about the flip side of this coin? Men who date/marry BBW/SSBBW and then complain or try to "drop hints" about losing weight??
Also, isn't that the same as a women expecting a man to change for her once they are married or in a committed relationship.

Its the whole "once a cheater, always a cheater" argument - people don't change unless they want to, so if they are embarrassed about dating fat men or fat women, they will always cave to societies strictures, unless they themselves want to break on free to the other side [so to speak].
 

coyote wild

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Admittedly, I just kind of skimmed this thread. But I'm throwing in my perspective.

I haven't been single for very long, but I've kinda promised myself that my next girlfriend would not weigh less than 200lbs. It's not a shallow thing (or hey, I guess it is, but whatever); women of all sizes are beautiful, but my damn libido only accepts a certain size. I can't help it. In fact, I fucking hate it right now, because otherwise I might still be with my last girlfriend, but that's another story.

But truth be told, I do love my love for fat women. I just never knew how important it was going to be to me in the future. And while I've never officially "come out" about my preference, I don't feel the need to hide it, either.

I feel like it's kind of important to embrace FA-ness, if for no other reason than to make it easier to account for how many of us are out there.

So this is me. Just a couple of months into my quest for the BBW I've always wanted. Where are you?
 

StickMan

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There is another possibility. My case: I've only seriously dated thin girls (had a fling with a BBW which went nowhere when she turned out to be smotheringly annoying, if rather hot. But I digress) because they're pretty much the only one's who will go out with me. There have been precisely three girls with self-esteem low enough to go out with me, and one was the aforementioned fling. The other two are/were skinny as rails and hell-bent on staying that way. I've made up my mind to pretty much stop looking for a relationship, seeing as my ratio of success currently stands at around 4:1 against.

Crap, I'm one of those "Woe is me" guys, aren't I?
 

mossystate

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There is another possibility. My case: I've only seriously dated thin girls (had a fling with a BBW which went nowhere when she turned out to be smotheringly annoying, if rather hot. But I digress) because they're pretty much the only one's who will go out with me. There have been precisely three girls with self-esteem low enough to go out with me, and one was the aforementioned fling. The other two are/were skinny as rails and hell-bent on staying that way. I've made up my mind to pretty much stop looking for a relationship, seeing as my ratio of success currently stands at around 4:1 against.

Crap, I'm one of those "Woe is me" guys, aren't I?
Maybe you should look into upping your own self-esteem and what you bring to the table, so you would be more attractive to more women. And I am not even getting the " hell-bent " comment.
 

Rowan

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There is another possibility. My case: I've only seriously dated thin girls (had a fling with a BBW which went nowhere when she turned out to be smotheringly annoying, if rather hot. But I digress) because they're pretty much the only one's who will go out with me. There have been precisely three girls with self-esteem low enough to go out with me, and one was the aforementioned fling. The other two are/were skinny as rails and hell-bent on staying that way. I've made up my mind to pretty much stop looking for a relationship, seeing as my ratio of success currently stands at around 4:1 against.

Crap, I'm one of those "Woe is me" guys, aren't I?
Maybe you should look into upping your own self-esteem and what you bring to the table, so you would be more attractive to more women. And I am not even getting the " hell-bent " comment.
I second this Mossy! Rep for you :)
 

truebebeblue

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I think its pretty easy..... young guy (under about 22ish) could be simple lack of self knowledge. After about that age it's probably just an annoying character flaw or a helpful giant red flag. Or he could genuuinely live in one of those places ravaged by famine that have NO fat women to date(but still has easy internet access).... apparently this happens a lot to our poor thin dating dims men. It's very sad,I might create a ribbon.
 
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superodalisque

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I think its pretty easy..... young guy (under about 22ish) could be simple lack of self knowledge. After about that age it's probably just an annoying character flaw or a helpful giant red flag. Or he could genuuinely live in one of those places ravaged by famine that have NO fat women to date(but still has easy internet access).... apparently this happens a lot to our poor thin dating dims men. It's very sad,I might create a ribbon.
i know! the famine seems to be rampant doesn't it, even in countries with an epidemic of obesity. ;)
 

superodalisque

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There is another possibility. My case: I've only seriously dated thin girls (had a fling with a BBW which went nowhere when she turned out to be smotheringly annoying, if rather hot. But I digress) because they're pretty much the only one's who will go out with me. There have been precisely three girls with self-esteem low enough to go out with me, and one was the aforementioned fling. The other two are/were skinny as rails and hell-bent on staying that way. I've made up my mind to pretty much stop looking for a relationship, seeing as my ratio of success currently stands at around 4:1 against.

Crap, I'm one of those "Woe is me" guys, aren't I?
yeah. i think this is typical of that . a lot of guys keep dating women with low self esteem because thats whats really attracting them even when they complain about it. i notice that they often run when they happen on women who do have self esteem because that means they really have to live up to something. they have to bring something to the table. after all, if women have low self esteem they'll accept a lot of bs and make lots of excuse for a guys short comings. besides that a lot of guys have an excuse to deal with women without ever attempting a relationship since just maybe deep down they don't really actually want one anyway. i don't trust any man who says he can't find a decent woman to date. there are just too many great women around for that to be true, especially when they start acting as though every fat woman has low self esteem or a crazily flawed character of some sort. i have a few guy friends who are like that. usually after i know them for a while i discover the problem was him the whole time.
 

butch

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Or he could genuuinely live in one of those places ravaged by famine that have NO fat women to date(but still has easy internet access).... apparently this happens a lot to our poor thin dating dims men. It's very sad,I might create a ribbon.
This continues to make me chuckle-i will proudly wear your ribbon!

:bow:
 

KittyKitten

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Alot of males (not men) are weak. They may have sex with someone that turns them on, but in public, they go with the status quo. It is disgusting, in my opinion to do that to a woman, and it leads to unhappiness with the man. Most males grow out of this immature stage when they become older in their late 30s and 40s; some never grow out of it.

I wouldn't be suprised if many of the men on the paysite boards jack off to the 500 lbs vixens on there but are married to 200 pounders or less.

A man that truly respects and admires you will show you off in public and not be ashamed. No man better not be ashamed of me!
 

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