Miskatonic
Advanced Killbot
I was posting about my bipolar in the depression thread but I thought about it and since bipolar isn't the same thing as depression I felt it deserved its own thread.
I've been diagnosed with bipolar for almost four years now and been in treatment almost that whole time. To be honest, it didn't really start to improve until events at the beginning of this year made me realize that I had to get more serious about getting better. Since then I've come a long way. (Despite this year being an incredibly difficult one) I still struggle with it daily, however.
Bipolar makes every little thing much more difficult to do. Even with the tools I've developed and constant therapy and medication it still kicks my ass. Luckily for me I've been able to function despite it for a while now. I didn't used to be able to. This is a new development for me. Honestly, being able to function and doing well at school and holding down a job after being unemployed for a very long time has done wonders to help me overcome. It's a lot easier to feel good about yourself when you're doing well.
Still, I have days where I just loathe myself and nothing breaks it. I have learned to force my way through the wall and get the stuff I need to do done despite wanting to do nothing else but stay in bed, however. Those feelings of worthlessness are still there but I try not to let them stop me from living my life anymore.
Currently I'm in the middle of a manic phase. I didn't realize I was until my psyche started weaning me off my antipsychotic. I talked to her about how my moods were always either flat or negative and she decided that the antipsychotic was most likely to blame and that honestly I didn't really need it. So we're taking me off of it. I just reduced my dosage for the second time last week and it's been a mixed bag. On the one hand, I have definitely not been feeling blank all the time. My emotional depth has improved and there have even been points where I have smiled or laughed. On the other hand, the depersonalization has been intense. Everything feels hazy and dreamlike and it's hard to hold on to things for more than a minute after they have happened. It's not getting in the way of life, however. I have had a small amount of anxiety but nothing I can't deal with and I figure that if feeling feelings requires me to feel detached, I'll take it. Plus it hasn't gotten in the way of my daily functioning or really affected my mood at all.
Fingers crossed that all this is just a symptom of withdrawal because my ultimate goal is to be completely off meds and if this works out than I'll know it's possible.
So yeah that's my story. What's yours?
I've been diagnosed with bipolar for almost four years now and been in treatment almost that whole time. To be honest, it didn't really start to improve until events at the beginning of this year made me realize that I had to get more serious about getting better. Since then I've come a long way. (Despite this year being an incredibly difficult one) I still struggle with it daily, however.
Bipolar makes every little thing much more difficult to do. Even with the tools I've developed and constant therapy and medication it still kicks my ass. Luckily for me I've been able to function despite it for a while now. I didn't used to be able to. This is a new development for me. Honestly, being able to function and doing well at school and holding down a job after being unemployed for a very long time has done wonders to help me overcome. It's a lot easier to feel good about yourself when you're doing well.
Still, I have days where I just loathe myself and nothing breaks it. I have learned to force my way through the wall and get the stuff I need to do done despite wanting to do nothing else but stay in bed, however. Those feelings of worthlessness are still there but I try not to let them stop me from living my life anymore.
Currently I'm in the middle of a manic phase. I didn't realize I was until my psyche started weaning me off my antipsychotic. I talked to her about how my moods were always either flat or negative and she decided that the antipsychotic was most likely to blame and that honestly I didn't really need it. So we're taking me off of it. I just reduced my dosage for the second time last week and it's been a mixed bag. On the one hand, I have definitely not been feeling blank all the time. My emotional depth has improved and there have even been points where I have smiled or laughed. On the other hand, the depersonalization has been intense. Everything feels hazy and dreamlike and it's hard to hold on to things for more than a minute after they have happened. It's not getting in the way of life, however. I have had a small amount of anxiety but nothing I can't deal with and I figure that if feeling feelings requires me to feel detached, I'll take it. Plus it hasn't gotten in the way of my daily functioning or really affected my mood at all.
Fingers crossed that all this is just a symptom of withdrawal because my ultimate goal is to be completely off meds and if this works out than I'll know it's possible.
So yeah that's my story. What's yours?
