oy, it's letters to people and things, part deuce!

Dimensions Magazine

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Saoirse

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2009
Messages
3,087
Location
,
Hey

You're super sexy. Sexy face, sexy body, sexy hands (ohhh your hands), sexy manhood, sexy guns, sexy arrogant, smart ass personality. We have awesome sex and I WANT IT TONIGHT PLEAAASSSSEEEEEEEEEEE. Ive got a bottle of whiskey and sexy panties and I want to show off my curves and pleasure you and make you feel like a man.


omg i want it NOWWWW!

love, horny gal
 

Oona

¬.¬
Joined
Jan 16, 2007
Messages
1,878
Location
OneSweetZombee,
Dear crazy-

Just because you dated my brother for 4 months doesn't mean you were going to marry him.

Go away. You're pushing creeper status.

Signed
His little sister.
 
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Messages
15,738
Location
Sydney, Australia
Dear Universe/Guy in the sky

Seriously, dude, enough is enough. First he gets Dementia, now she's given the most insidious Alzheimers you could think of. The burden is too great and the pressure for those around them is heartbreaking...me included. Please shine a wee light over here and make the happy come back.

Kimberly
 

Tad

Dimensions' loiterer
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
13,226
Location
The great white north, eh?
Dear trees;

I know we've all been waiting for a long time for warm weather, and you are all no doubt as impatient as us humans have been for Winter to finally leave and Spring to get itself firmly in place.

But, you know, all of you launching your pollen at pretty much the same time sounds like it could be confusing for you all, and it is pretty sucky for a lot of us humans, too. We get itchy, scratchy, eyes, can't breathe well, feel lousy, and often can't sleep well because of the other factors.

Tired, scratchy, wheezy humans are not always of sound mind and judgement. If we go on a rampage with chainsaws and thin your numbers, we will feel guilty later, but I'm pretty sure allergy tree-icidal rage is a valid defense. Just saying, you know?

I really do love you guys....for most of the year. If some of you could chill out, not go too crazy with the pollen for the next couple of years, all will be good.

If not, well, we could always replace our gas fireplace with a wood burning one..... :mad:
 

Librarygirl

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2011
Messages
523
Location
,
Dear Universe/ God
I would really like this head injury to get better. Having one better day yesterday reminded me how much easier life is without the head pain, vertigo, fatigue and tearfulness. It was also so good to get some of my old confidence back and have a lovely morning with some cool visitors and a special friend at work. Please help him with whatever is making him low and stressed and help me find a way to let him know I care and want us to be close again. I wish that comment our visitor made about it seeming like our wedding as we stood their shaking hands made him think like it did me! Help my friend and colleague who is heavily pregnant and ended up in hospital yesterday and let her and the baby be ok. I know I can't go back in time, but it seems like a lot of people I care about are having a hard time lately and I just miss those days we all seemed much happier and more carefree. Help me to have the intuition at least to do the as much as I can to improve the situations I can control in some way.

Thanks!
M
 

Phantasia

Get off my lawn!
Joined
Jan 7, 2014
Messages
30
Location
,
Dear psychotic coworker,

You are an unstable Crazy McNutty-Pants and I am not going to take your mind games and passive-aggressive shit anymore. You can never get me fired and I make more money than you. You have been a c*nt to me for 15 years. Yes, I'm fat, get the hell over it already.

Smooches,

Me
 

PolkaDotty

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2013
Messages
15
Location
,
Half-wit,

If you want to say goodbye to the last site on the internet that will [barely] still have you.... I can help with that.
 

swamptoad

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2005
Messages
12,784
Location
, Male
I'd like to write this out to you. It's important that I only write two sentences.

vaguely,
you know who I am
 

Donna

wait...what?
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
1,778
Location
,
Dear Tiramisu Gelato;

Please taste as good as you look. And for the love of all things holy, please do not upset my ulcer. If I have to give up frozen desserts because of this nasty spot in my stomach, I will not be responsible for the carnage that will ensue. Someone may die.

With Great Anticipation;
Drooling Lady With a Spoon
 

dharmabean

♥ ɢrÃ¥тıтuɗɛ
Joined
Sep 30, 2012
Messages
2,199
Location
rebelregan,
Dear You,

Comments you make are not funny, they're actually seen as form of projection. If your online personality is in anyway a representation of who you are in person, it's actually rather sad.

I hope you see the day when letting that shit go, is so empowering. I can only say that there's only room for growth in this life. I hate seeing that you're an angry person still. I wish you the best. Being negative only hurts you in the end. I learned that the hard way.

You wear passive aggressive like it's a tiara, it's not. It just shows how much you are really in a "needy" place in life.

I do hope you get some help, work out your demons and learn to be a better woman.

From,

Someone who's been there, and learning to be different because that's all we have in life.
 

swamptoad

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2005
Messages
12,784
Location
, Male
Dear fellow First Reader,

Hi! I don't know if you are reading some of this, part of this, or
all of this. I am so glad that you were the first to read this and might I
add that its very unfortunate that I may not even know you or appreciate you
for glancing at this letter which doesn't really pertain to anything
whatsoever. My apologies in advance.

Sincerely,
The Writer
 

Rojodi

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
5,070
Location
,
Dear Middle Aged Blondie that almost hit me:

Your apology is hollow, since you were on your cell phone, typing in a number. How could you not see me? I'm wearing a brilliant yellow t-shirt! You're lucky I anticipated your bone-head and illegal move. If not, you'd be facing more than just a ticket for having the cell phone in your hand.

Thankfully yours,
Roger the Dodger
 

swamptoad

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2005
Messages
12,784
Location
, Male
p.s. The questions and statements and grammatical writing of this letter has gone catawampus



Sincerely,
Apologetic me, who just got ahead of his message


I hope its alright if I got ahead of myself. I'll try
to not let that happen again. I have not written
you in the longest time and why would I? You are
me ....and well that's just weird. Hey, unless I
write the message "with" myself instead of "to" myself.
Maybe? Maybe not?


Dear,
me, you, "shrugs"
 

largenlovely

Still a Fat Girl lol
DimensionsModel
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
5,477
Location
Topeka, KS
dear best friend,

I love you but you're jealousy and sudden neediness is making me crazy. my moving isn't gonna be THAT big of a change in our friendship. we rarely hang out and I live only a couple miles down the road. which I'm fine with that, it's how it has always been. we've always been each others emotional support more than the type of friends who run around painting the town red. but you have GOT to get over this jealousy. you've admitted to me and to my family that you're jealous of my other best friend, soon to be roomie. I found out that you've been going over to my parent's house and complaining about it with my family behind my back!! that is seriously fucked up. then when I told you to come over and hang out before I left, you acted like you were going to be put out to do it. I just have no earthly idea what to do with you right now. you're really pushing me away more than anything. you've got to pull yourself out of whatever this is. I don't get jealous when you go hang out with your tons of other friends. I always tell you to have fun because I am secure in our friendship. you need to get it together. you know I can't handle this clinginess and it gets on my last nerve.

needing to take a step away for a minute,

your bestie.
 

ButlerGirl09

Sugar Magnolia
Joined
Sep 14, 2008
Messages
762
Location
,
Dear Landlords,

You really must be clueless. Your panic when I informed you I would no longer reside in your shitty apartment was humorous. In what world did you actually think I'd resign the lease for another year?

I've been friendly and accommodating thus far and gave you the opportunity to make the departure easy on all of us, but you decided to be nasty. I ignored the code violations and your infractions on my tenant rights before, but you better believe I documented it all.

You'll be hearing from my lawyer because you messed with the wrong lady. I'm about to make your lives a living nightmare!

Sincerely,
Angry Bitch
 

BigBeautifulMe

That was a heart.
Joined
Oct 4, 2006
Messages
7,419
Location
,
Dear Landlords,

You really must be clueless. Your panic when I informed you I would no longer reside in your shitty apartment was humorous. In what world did you actually think I'd resign the lease for another year?

I've been friendly and accommodating thus far and gave you the opportunity to make the departure easy on all of us, but you decided to be nasty. I ignored the code violations and your infractions on my tenant rights before, but you better believe I documented it all.

You'll be hearing from my lawyer because you messed with the wrong lady. I'm about to make your lives a living nightmare!

Sincerely,
Angry Bitch
I soooooo want more details on what they did! :p
 

KHayes666

Go away
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
8,313
Location
,
Dear Karma,

A few years ago I was plenty pissed off that you gave the evil bitch everything she ever wanted and left the good guy with virtually nothing. I was doubly pissed when you took his best friend away this past November. Recently I heard you took something away from the evil bitch....consider it a step in the right direction.

-
Ajax
 

Ms Charlotte BBW

Fantasy Land
Joined
Sep 8, 2013
Messages
1,178
Location
,
Dear Landlords,

You really must be clueless. Your panic when I informed you I would no longer reside in your shitty apartment was humorous. In what world did you actually think I'd resign the lease for another year?

I've been friendly and accommodating thus far and gave you the opportunity to make the departure easy on all of us, but you decided to be nasty. I ignored the code violations and your infractions on my tenant rights before, but you better believe I documented it all.

You'll be hearing from my lawyer because you messed with the wrong lady. I'm about to make your lives a living nightmare!

Sincerely,
Angry Bitch
Oh dear! We are going through the same thing with our landlord!!! Left the house spotless, mowed the grass, left nothing at all behind, but apparently the oven wasn't cleaned to her specifications...and she thinks she can just keep our $900 security deposit! What's even worse is that she was a friend to both my husband and myself! UGH! Best of luck to you!
 

Oona

¬.¬
Joined
Jan 16, 2007
Messages
1,878
Location
OneSweetZombee,
Dear "friend"

Passive aggressive/vague status updates and the silent treatment are a dead give away that you're pissed at me (guess you weren't that vague after all, eh?) Telling me that you're fine, but leaving the group chat we had with another friend says otherwise.

If you have a problem with me, put your big girl panties on and start talking. If you don't, I'll assume you just don't care. Which means I wont have to care either. It's that simple.

You're the one that always raves about your ability to be blunt and honest to a fault, and yet you can't even do that here. You can't have ONE conversation if it actually involves you as the subject.

The worst part is, I KNOW why you're mad. And the situation is not as it seems. You are just seeing it from the outside. No, I didn't invite you to my birthday, but that wasn't anything against you. I was planning on a small, family pool party. How the heck was I supposed to know that my boyfriend had called up our mutual friend and invited her from California as a surprise? And when she showed up, I was already drunk. So no, I didn't think to call you and tell you (as if it really is your business).

Get over it. Either talk to me about it or lose the right to be mad about it.

Signed,
Annoyed.
 

penguin

Fnord
Joined
Dec 17, 2010
Messages
5,238
Dear You,

It was probably for the best. It was needed, anyway. But I still miss you.

love,
me.
 
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