oy, it's letters to people and things!

[ButlerGirl09]

Dear right shoulder,

What did I ever do to you?! I've always been kind and gentle to you, but instead you decide to repay me by hurting like a bitch! This is really annoying and is starting to interfere with my daily activities. Plus all the ice and Tylenol in the world doesn't seem to be helping. I'd really appreciate it if you'd just knock it off and go back to feeling normal.

KThanks!
-Madison

 

[Green Eyed Fairy]

Dear Butlergirl,

Tylenol sucks ass....try ibuprofen instead. (Motrin is a brand name if you need one)

Sincerely,
Moi

 

[ButlerGirl09]

Dear GEF,

I agree with your statement. I don't like Tylenol, but its what my roommate had on hand in our apartment. Don't worry, while I was out and about today I picked up some ibuprofen!

Thanks for the suggestion and caring about my well-being!
-Madison

 

[Proner]

Dear Body,

Great job, you resist to all these aerial tricks I forced you to do during the competition and with this week-end's performance we could got a sponsor!

High Five!
Proner

 

[HottiMegan]

Dear Megan,

"Touch me one more time and I'm calling the police" will probably translate. I would not just ignore that...sounds like he needs a clue by four.

Dear Megan,

Take your big husband, brother, male friend or father with you one time.....that tends to run those assholes off

Sincerely,
Moi

Thanks for the suggestions. I am planning on talking to the manager if he shows up again. He's Indian and speaks little English so I'm going to find out which apartment he lives in through the manager (hopefully) and have my husband talk to him or his family to leave me alone. I figured having "my man" talk to them would speak more to their culture. If that doesn't work I'll pursue something more forceful.

 

[undrcovrbrothr]

Dear Life,

Less lemons, more lemonade, good times. Need sugar.

A la prochaine!

Me.

 

[Mathias]

Dear Allergies,

You HAD to come back the day I move back home and start to enjoy myself. Great. Thanks for making me miserable.

Sneezing nonstop,

-Matt

 

[SMA413]

Dear yellow and blue cake icing-
Thanks so much for ganging up and STAINING my teeth green. Oh, and my lips are blue. I look like I'm half dead and haven't brushed my teeth in like 10 years.

And I'm at work.

Thanks bunches-
Zombie Samantha

-----

Dear Jared-
Never thought I could hate you... But I found out I can.

Go fuck yourself.

- Samantha

-----

Dear LA-

Can't.freakin.wait.

3 more weeks!!! :bounce:

- Summer Sam

----

Dear circaidian rhythms-

I hate you.

- Sleepy Samantha

 

[Green Eyed Fairy]

Dear Virus,

I didn't like the vomiting and other stomach problems you gave me.....but I have sure as heck been eating a lot healthier these past few days thanks to you.

Funny how bad things can also be good.

Moi

 

[snuggletiger]

Dear Loan Lady
Thanks for the really cheap interest rate on the house on 30 year fixed.
Your smiling cheerful pal
Snuggletiger (Who's counting down till June 10)

Dear lady about to lose the house who gave me the stinkeye during the inspection tour,
Not my fault your man/hubby/lover is upside down. And yeah when you hand out the stinkeye to peeps you get remarks like "i am the man buying your house for 50 cents on the dollar and if you are here come June 11, 2009, its my foot kicking your ass to the curb smashmouth style"
PS not sorry to see you leave
Snuggletiger

 

[Admiral_Snackbar]

Dear kidney stones:

It's been three weeks now, my old friends. Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells of revenge as a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold...in spaaaace.

Seriously, GTFO already. I'm tired of popping Vicodin like they were chicklets and going tinkee every 20 minutes.

Sincerely,

The Admiral's Urethra

 

[TraciJo67]

Dear man about to buy his dream home for cheap:

The lady about to lose that gorgeous home is grieving the loss, I'm sure. And she's projecting that grief onto you, the lucky home buyer. I'd grieve too, if I were about to lose that palatial, gorgeous home. You can afford to be magnanimous. Give them until June 12 to haul ass

Dear Loan Lady
Thanks for the really cheap interest rate on the house on 30 year fixed.
Your smiling cheerful pal
Snuggletiger (Who's counting down till June 10)

Dear lady about to lose the house who gave me the stinkeye during the inspection tour,
Not my fault your man/hubby/lover is upside down. And yeah when you hand out the stinkeye to peeps you get remarks like "i am the man buying your house for 50 cents on the dollar and if you are here come June 11, 2009, its my foot kicking your ass to the curb smashmouth style"
PS not sorry to see you leave
Snuggletiger

 

[D_A_Bunny]

Thanks for the suggestions. I am planning on talking to the manager if he shows up again. He's Indian and speaks little English so I'm going to find out which apartment he lives in through the manager (hopefully) and have my husband talk to him or his family to leave me alone. I figured having "my man" talk to them would speak more to their culture. If that doesn't work I'll pursue something more forceful.

A knee to the groin is the universal language.

 

[SMA413]

Dear Dad-
While I have no problem helping out and taking you to the oral surgeon this morning, it would have been fantastic if you had reminded me yesterday of this favor I had agreed to over a week ago.

I wouldn't have stayed up so late and then took a sleeping pill at almost 4 AM... only to wake up at 7.

I know I probably should have remembered on my own, but I barely know what day it is half the time.

Oh shit- the waiting room has a super comfy looking couch. This could end badly...

- Your oldest daughter

----

Dear recent online clothing purchase-
According to ups.com, you've left for delivery today.

Can't freakin wait till you're in my hot little hands!
- Me

 

[thejuicyone]

Dear growling tummy,

I wish I could feed you right now, but all we have is ramen noodles, not very filling. Don't worry baby, momma gets paid today and I will fill you with some delicious goodies. How does burger king sound? ooh or KFC? Maybe Arbys? Possibly Sonic.....? All of the above it is!

Love,
Me

 

[RedVelvet]

Dear suddenly appearing new wrinkles under my eyes:

What...the fuck...are you DOING THERE....and please leave.

 

[SMA413]

Dear Lulu's Cafe-

Whoever decided that chicken fried steak + chile con queso = amazingness was a freakin genius.

I love you.
- Stuffed Samantha

 

[Shosh]

Dear Conrad,

I see that Hyde Park has gone. I think that you have made a good decision in getting rid of it.

While I often posted on the particular board, I could still see that it focused on the negative rather than the positive.

It ruined friendships also. Nothing is worth that.

Shosh

 

[Red]

Dear World of PROPER Employment,


I am so frustrated right now, I am sick of not receiving responses, I am sick of spending so much time and effort tailoring my CV, I am sick of feeling useless. I just want a regular 9-5, something challenging enough to make me get up with a spring in my step in the morning, something worthwhile, something that leaves me feeling proud and full of hope for the future. I just want the time and energy to save some money, to book that leg operation, to book a nice holiday, to save for a rainy day, to not worry about bills. I want to be out of debt by 30, I want to be completely in the black - I need some security in my life. Please PLEASE let a decent job come along sometime soon. I'm tearing my hair out here.


Yours sincerely

Grumpy

 

[Spanky]

Dear May,

Fuck you. You are going for the worst month ever. I mean I total my car with a black bear. Then this weekend I total my rollerblades in a mechanical failure resulting in a busted up knee and having to walk barefoot for over a mile, bleeding and bruised to my car.

June can't come fast enough. I want to get on my bike without worries.

Yours, cause you can have it.

Spanky

-------------------------------------------------------
Dear "Minnesota Nice" Bikers on the Trail,

I always stop and inquire if you are sitting by the side of the trail. Accident? Need help? Make a cell phone call? Most of the time you are fine.

Just a note to you all. When an inline skater is limping along the side of the trail, barefoot and bleeding, HOLDING HIS EFFING SKATES IN HIS HANDS, one of the skates missing its front wheel, can you do me the pleasure of a question about my state? Am I okay? Do I need help?

Walking barefoot holding skates does not constitute being okay.

And quit kidding yourselves, get over yourselves, Midwest friendly? As if. 10 people from Jersey would have stopped and asked. Maybe 1 or 2 would have stolen my skates, but at least they would have said "have a great day" upon leaving me.

Spanky

------------------------------
Dear Older Man on his Bike...

You sir, were going slow enough and were nice enough to ask me how I was. Unfortunately, it was about 20 steps from the car. Still, the effort, sir, it was about the effort. Thanks.

Spanky