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The "Friend Zone"

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crosseyedhamster

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If I could go back and have lunch with my teenage self, I'd tell me not to expect my crush to do all the work. You can't expect them to just be interested, you have to actually be interesting.

And my heart goes out to you, Carla. You're a beautiful woman and hopefully you'll meet some guys that appreciate it ;)
 

NoWayOut

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I personally have a ton of female friends who I would never have sex with. It's not that I don't find these women attractive, it's my mindset that I only get to be with one woman in my life, the woman I marry. I have already found the love of my life, and upon marrying her, she will be the only woman I will ever have sex with and ever want to have sex with.

As such, I don't want other women besides her thinking of me as sexy or anything like that. I'm already taken, and I have no interest in a relationship with any other woman. I am up-front with any woman I meet that I am completely committed to my girlfriend, and any attempt to try to date me will result in us no longer speaking.

At this point in my life, I actually WANT to be put in the friend zone, no matter what the woman looks like. I love having female friends, because it gives me a different perspective on things when I have a disagreement with my girlfriend, and I'm perfectly willing to return the favor. Want to discuss your day? Sure. Problems with your boyfriend? Happy to listen. Looking for sex? Lose my phone number.
 

Jon Blaze

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I personally have a ton of female friends who I would never have sex with. It's not that I don't find these women attractive, it's my mindset that I only get to be with one woman in my life, the woman I marry. I have already found the love of my life, and upon marrying her, she will be the only woman I will ever have sex with and ever want to have sex with.

As such, I don't want other women besides her thinking of me as sexy or anything like that. I'm already taken, and I have no interest in a relationship with any other woman. I am up-front with any woman I meet that I am completely committed to my girlfriend, and any attempt to try to date me will result in us no longer speaking.

At this point in my life, I actually WANT to be put in the friend zone, no matter what the woman looks like. I love having female friends, because it gives me a different perspective on things when I have a disagreement with my girlfriend, and I'm perfectly willing to return the favor. Want to discuss your day? Sure. Problems with your boyfriend? Happy to listen. Looking for sex? Lose my phone number.
Great great point. I think that's a common misconception. The things we find valuable in others varies wildly.
 

Miskatonic

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I personally have a ton of female friends who I would never have sex with. It's not that I don't find these women attractive, it's my mindset that I only get to be with one woman in my life, the woman I marry. I have already found the love of my life, and upon marrying her, she will be the only woman I will ever have sex with and ever want to have sex with.

As such, I don't want other women besides her thinking of me as sexy or anything like that. I'm already taken, and I have no interest in a relationship with any other woman. I am up-front with any woman I meet that I am completely committed to my girlfriend, and any attempt to try to date me will result in us no longer speaking.

At this point in my life, I actually WANT to be put in the friend zone, no matter what the woman looks like. I love having female friends, because it gives me a different perspective on things when I have a disagreement with my girlfriend, and I'm perfectly willing to return the favor. Want to discuss your day? Sure. Problems with your boyfriend? Happy to listen. Looking for sex? Lose my phone number.
There's a difference between the friend zone and being friends with a woman. If you're friends, there isn't any real awkwardness or sexual tension. Just platonic respect. The friend zone is a term that typically refers to being stuck as being friends when you really want a romantic relationship.
 

gangstadawg

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I have several female friends -- most of who I've had sex with at some point. This works fine so long as the female doesn't believe that sex is some magical thing that automatically transforms a relationship or a sacred gift to be bestowed only upon her one true love.

Friends with females seems to work if everyone involved as a morally causal attitude regarding sex.
friends with benefits?
 

NoWayOut

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There's a difference between the friend zone and being friends with a woman. If you're friends, there isn't any real awkwardness or sexual tension. Just platonic respect. The friend zone is a term that typically refers to being stuck as being friends when you really want a romantic relationship.
I read the two as one and the same, because other guys here were saying they have no female friends they wouldn't have sex with outside of their girlfriend/wife's friends.
 

bigmac

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I can't speak for women who are friend zoned but in my experience most of the men who complain about being in the friend zone are the kind of men who hover around a woman being nice ...
Being "nice" never works.
 

Tau

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Male people who whine on and on about being 'nice guys' are generally fucking creepy creepers. If you want a relationship with a woman let her know. If she says no, that all she wants is friendship, either move the fuck on or be her friend. Her real friend not some loser hoping that someday she'll slip up and land on your dick, rewarding you 'being there' for her when all you were actually there for was your penis.
 

Paquito

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Male people who whine on and on about being 'nice guys' are generally fucking creepy creepers. If you want a relationship with a woman let her know. If she says no, that all she wants is friendship, either move the fuck on or be her friend. Her real friend not some loser hoping that someday she'll slip up and land on your dick, rewarding you 'being there' for her when all you were actually there for was your penis.
Co-signed.
 

cinnamitch

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Male people who whine on and on about being 'nice guys' are generally fucking creepy creepers. If you want a relationship with a woman let her know. If she says no, that all she wants is friendship, either move the fuck on or be her friend. Her real friend not some loser hoping that someday she'll slip up and land on your dick, rewarding you 'being there' for her when all you were actually there for was your penis.
Agree with 100%
 

penguin

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Women aren't vending machines where if you put in enough Nice, sex comes out. Nice Guys seem to think they are, and that by golly gosh, they deserve it.
 

CastingPearls

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Male people who whine on and on about being 'nice guys' are generally fucking creepy creepers. If you want a relationship with a woman let her know. If she says no, that all she wants is friendship, either move the fuck on or be her friend. Her real friend not some loser hoping that someday she'll slip up and land on your dick, rewarding you 'being there' for her when all you were actually there for was your penis.
Where the HELL have you been, missy????

Thirded...or fourthed....whatevs
 

azerty

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Women aren't vending machines where if you put in enough Nice, sex comes out. Nice Guys seem to think they are, and that by golly gosh, they deserve it.
So true and nicely said :)
 

Jim Miller

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Most people create these problems for themselves, through no fault of their own, because of our continuing social tragedy of sexism. The prevailing trend seems to be that men are psychopathic abusers and women are neurotic basketcases.

But that's only because this is what society tells men and women to be.

Other people, myself included, don't have these problems in life. The problems simply don't exist, because we have chosen for the social structures that sustain them not to be relevant in our lives. There is no such thing as "the friend zone." There are people with whom one pursues a sexual relationship, and people with whom one does not. Gender does not enter into it. There is no such thing as "men" and "women," the moment you decide there isn't. That's a construct cooked up by people who want to keep our civilization from becoming what it deserves to be, and "the friend zone" is just one more out of countless thousands of ancillary social conventions to support the false dichotomy of gender.

In the real world, outside the lies most people live, there is only male and female, and all of us are human above and beyond the few small differences of sex.
 

ClashCityRocker

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"the friend zone" seems to be comprised mostly presumptuous dudes who are met with rejection or those who don't communicate their feelings in a timely and open manor..so yeah, the majority of us. i think we've all been there as one or the other, and, having been there, i think we can deduce that to avoid giving platonic friendship a moniker with such negative connotations as "the friend zone" (twilight zone? dead zone?) the best course of action is COMMUNICATION.
 

crosseyedhamster

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I think an important component to the friendzone is that you actually be friends.

This is a part I see people on BOTH side (desirer and desiree) have struggles with.
 

Forgotten_Futures

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I can't speak for women who are friend zoned but in my experience most of the men who complain about being in the friend zone are the kind of men who hover around a woman being nice to her and thinking that because they're nice to the woman that means she owes them sex or love. Either that or they just don't get that no means no and hang on to something far past being shot down, making it awkward and weird all around.

The friendzone is super easy to avoid. You gotta be yourself, you gotta talk to the girl like she's a person and not just something you seek to conquer, and you gotta understand that if she's not interested, she's not interested, and no amount of being nice is gonna change that.

I've been in the friendzone. I know what it's like. But once I realized that I was putting myself in it and changed my mindset and my approach when it came to women, not only was I able to cultivate better friendships with women that didn't go all weird and awkward, but I also felt better about myself because I didn't let myself fall into a cycle of obsession over "the one". It all comes down to this; if you like someone, ask them if they want to get together sometime. Obviously don't be creepy fast about it, but don't wait too long, either. And don't disguise it as just wanting to hang out as friends. You like her. Make it known. If she is interested, cool. If she's not, she's not, and at least you've got a friend now. Just don't let that interest fester. You'll be so busy pining over the one who doesn't like you back that you'll miss the one who does.

There's no need to torture yourself by constantly hoping that she'll change your mind if you're just nice enough.
Easier said than implemented. You're totally right, though; I'm doing nothing but being stupid and making things awkward.
 
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