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viracocha

Hot like sauce
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[INSERT GANG AND NINJA SIGNS]

I suppose I'm more bbw than not, and definitely more ffa than not... There have been a few issues and posts that are very pertinent to fat dating and vice versa. I'm basically just skimming off of a previous post and trying to respond to some good points that swike made.

There is a reality to fat prejudice, especially on the dating scene. Browse any dating site and half the profiles are appended with comments like 'no bloaters', or 'no fatties or mingers.' Sorry, but I find the very idea that most people don't have an entrenched fat prejudice highly dubious.
While I sadly agree that there are distinct fat prejudices, they tend to overlap with both a person's inability to handle themselves in situations in which the person of their prejudice is in front of them and that the person to whom the uncertainty is directed lets it slide. Of course, I'm not positing that we retaliate against prejudiced people by their own tactics, like declaring an anti-idiot or willful impotence zone. I'd like them to understand that of all things to judge someone on, something as fluid weight is not useful.


That's great for them, but you're talking about a 'smallish' BHM i.e. someone who is less likely to be judged because he's closer to percieved normality. The rule of thumb being: the larger you are the bigger the sniggers, the more hurtful the comments etc. As for the other guy, the thrust of what I'm talking about is first impressions. He caught his fish before getting bigger. Once peple have fallen in love they tend to accept ageing and fluctuations in weight etc.
I don't entirely buy the "once they're hooked, you got 'em" deal: I've had people more inclined to feel involved or responsible for physical changes once things become intimate. I understand that intimacy prevents them from leaving so readily, but it also puts them in a place to create or manipulate vulnerability.


I think this might be correct in some instances. My honest opinion is that my confidence has gradually taken more knocks the fatter I've gotten. I've gone into many a potential situation with total self-belief in the past - in exactly the same way I did when I was slender - and been consistently shot down with laughter, abuse, uncomfortable looks of disgust/frowns etc. I barely try now... after years of being knocked back and ridiculed I don't have the heart left to make the effort. I do still smile and have a pleasant demeanor with people. I'm not effusive, I don't overstep any boundaries or say anything quirky or corny either, but it seems to count for nothing. There's also been times where I've been abused or ridiculed without interacting with anyone; just going about my business.
I wish I had something novel to contribute to this part. I don't think you've been meeting and interacting with the right people-- rest assured that you'd be more than welcome with my friends and me plus pretty much everyone here. However, I attribute much of these described behaviors to people not being socially nimble enough to react appropriately and fairly.


I think I've done ok to keep trying as long as I have done. My self-perception hasn't changed - I still think I am a good bloke with something to offer someone, but I think that someone is probably going to have to come to me. I'm kind of praying for a miracle really.
I'm glad you're self-perception hasn't been ruined. As long as you can appreciate yourself and let your kindness show, I'm sure someone will come along. I don't know if you'll need a miracle, maybe just an another look around. ;)
 

Tracy

Fat & Sassy
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Jun 15, 2007
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One BBW right here! I love big ole bellies! :wubu: YUMMY
 

escapist

Belt Buster!
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Jan 7, 2007
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I've dated a LOT of BBW's who were into me & my size. Granted much of it was before I was even aware of what an FFA was. Often the comments and feelings were:
  1. I make them feel tiny.
  2. I make them feel protected
  3. I'm a giant snuglly sexy teddy bear
After a while I got hooked on BBW's myself. Most the ones I was with were very playful and touchy feelly like me and it was a lot of fun. I can say without a doubt they do exist. Heck I'm dating one now even.
 

Celestial Ceece

SSBBW Singer
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Sep 29, 2005
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Celisa Stratton,
*bump*

I love fat people, I love thin people, I love all kinds of people as I've said in a previous response to this thread.

I want to hear more people speak up on this thread, particularly the BHM's who have had experience with this, be it negative or positive. Thank you to those who have spoken up!

This discussion reminds me of a similar discussion, on the hierarchies that exist in subcultures such as ours. For example, I am SSBBW and while it seems like we are revered here, in real life, and I'm talking in size and fat positive environments, I have seen fat people fight over the lone FA in the room who is "mainstream attractive". Also, at NOLOSE, a fat and queer positive event, I experienced the same thing. Supersized people were sitting on the sidelines (literally) and I watched as people pratically threw themselves at the few people who were thin, athletic, what have you. I saw it with my own eyes. It had nothing to do with the confidence I was or wasn't projecting. Actually, at times, I have been the boldest person in the room, and while I had plenty of flirty moments, when it came down to the nitty gritty, if a person had the opportunity to "hook up" with someone smaller and "more attractive" according to the mainstream, I was tossed aside.

Granted, as I've said before, I do not knock anyone for their personal preferences, but it hurts to be on the receiving end of rejection. Period!
 

Green Eyed Fairy

Keeps on dancing
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Sep 18, 2006
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In Your Head
I've dated a LOT of BBW's who were into me & my size. Granted much of it was before I was even aware of what an FFA was. Often the comments and feelings were:
  1. I make them feel tiny.
  2. I make them feel protected
  3. I'm a giant snuglly sexy teddy bear
After a while I got hooked on BBW's myself. Most the ones I was with were very playful and touchy feelly like me and it was a lot of fun. I can say without a doubt they do exist. Heck I'm dating one now even.
You're also cool and good looking....I'm sure that helps as much...or more...as your size ;) :p :)
 

Actor4hire

Well-Known Member
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As a guy who use to be a ssbhm (385) back in the days to a guy who is just a big guy now (6" 285), I have to say that I agree with the post in regards to fat guys not getting much love.

I have and always will be a guy with a lot of confidence, a good sense of humor (so ive been told) and a large group of friends. But when it comes to women (back in my dating days) very few if any would give me a look when I was really big.

I have always thought it was funny when I would see posts where fat women would be like "Sorry, I just don't date fat guys." "Im not attracted to fat guys" Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!!

I know I will get smoked for saying this, but when men are horny, they don't care most the time if the girl is fat, thin or in between. The fact is, most guys I know who are not FA's have had sex with a "fat girl" just to get their rocks off.

So for a fat women, the prospects of sexual relations are very high in comparison to a fat guy. How many girls go to the club with that "I just need to get screwed tonight" mentality?? Not many. But most guys do go to the club thinking that.

I do know that over the years of being in different BBW chat rooms, blogs, etc, there is one thing I always hear from the BBW's in the room when dating is concerned "Not interested in a one night stand" "I dont do cam to cam" etc., all of which leaves me to believe that a lot of the guys (not including for the most part this board) are looking to quench a fetish, rather than get to know and love a person of size.

Us big guys for the most part dont even get as far to say "Not interested in a one night stand" I would even go as far as to speak for most of the fat guys hear that we would GLADLY take a one night stand!!!

The truth of the matter is, the only person who knows what it's like to be fat in society is another fat person. To have to worry about fitting in a roller coaster, to hope that the 5 yearold kid who is walking with their parent isnt going to say "That person is fat" out loud in the middle of the grocery store, for an elderly person to make it a point to stop you and say "You are going to die if you don't lost weight".

I don't have to deal with most of these issues anymore. I dropped 100 pounds 15 years ago. But I did have to deal with this when I was younger & I am sure most of the BBW & BHM have had to deal with at least one of the issues I have mentioned.

So why wouldn't a BBW or SSBBW want to be with a person who knows EXACTLY what it is that they deal with on a daily basis?? Thru shared experience, there is some form of safety I would like to think. If more BBW's would give BHM a chance, I think they would see the same things they want other to see about themselves. That there is a lot more to the BHM than just the size of their body...

(Stepping down from the soap box)
 

stillblessed23

A half full kinda girl
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Mar 2, 2007
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291
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, Definetly female!
I for one love bhm I have just the opposite problem actually I can't seem to find a bhm that I have good chemistry with. I do love the Teddy Bears though!
 

StarMoon

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Sep 26, 2008
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I have always thought it was funny when I would see posts where fat women would be like "Sorry, I just don't date fat guys." "Im not attracted to fat guys" Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!!
I to always find that always amusing:rolleyes:
 

Carrie

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I to always find that always amusing:rolleyes:
You can't help who you're attracted to. No one in this community seems to think it's unreasonable for a thin FA/FFA to not be attracted to another thin person, so why is it unreasonable for a fat person to not be attracted to another fat person? I sense a real double standard here.
 

undrcovrbrothr

Beach nut
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You can't help who you're attracted to. No one in this community seems to think it's unreasonable for a thin FA/FFA to not be attracted to another thin person, so why is it unreasonable for a fat person to not be attracted to another fat person? I sense a real double standard here.
OK then, what does "FA" mean is my first question. My second question would be why if this board was about fat acceptance/admirers then would you come and say you were only attracted to thin or athletic X or Y?? Is this not called Dimensions for the obvious reasons, of an understanding that DIMENSIONS are beautiful and not so abnormal? Therefore, by this analysis, I would conclude that if you want to start your own FTA (Fat Thin Admirer) board or an FMA (Fat Muscular Admirer) board, then go right ahead, but don't try and convince me that it belongs here. I'd say this is a place to celebrate FAs, FFAs, BHMs, and BBW/SSBBW's, not FTAs or FMAs per se... Just my .02 :D :D

PS I love a great debate... this should be most entertaining :)
 

Fyreflyintheskye

☯tae kwan donut champ☯
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Aug 9, 2006
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OK then, what does "FA" mean is my first question. My second question would be why if this board was about fat acceptance/admirers then would you come and say you were only attracted to thin or athletic X or Y?? Is this not called Dimensions for the obvious reasons, of an understanding that DIMENSIONS are beautiful and not so abnormal? Therefore, by this analysis, I would conclude that if you want to start your own FTA (Fat Thin Admirer) board or an FMA (Fat Muscular Admirer) board, then go right ahead, but don't try and convince me that it belongs here. I'd say this is a place to celebrate FAs, FFAs, BHMs, and BBW/SSBBW's, not FTAs or FMAs per se... Just my .02 :D :D

PS I love a great debate... this should be most entertaining :)

it smells really defensive in here. Carrie, maybe we should crack a window :p I think whining makes someone highly unattractive, regardless of physical appearance
 

Tad

Dimensions' loiterer
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Sep 29, 2005
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The great white north, eh?
Actually *this* board is about BHM (fat guys) and female fat admirers (women who are attracted to fat guys), although none of the Dimensions boards have ever been all that exclusive, so long as you are friendly to the topic at hand.

About your broader point, Dimensions has always accepted that not all fat people prefer fat partners. There has never been any objections to that point, and I don't think you are going to be able to change it now. So yes, it is perfectly fine for fat folk to talk about thin folk that they are attracted to, although they should try to do it in the right board (a BBW talking about the thin guys she adores on this board is probably in the wrong place, although conversation can take odd turns). And because conversations are interesting when they are inclusive, sometime there are even thin people talking about their thin crushes, and that is cool so long as they are being respectful of the other posters on the boards.
 

LillyBBBW

Wig Snatcher
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OK then, what does "FA" mean is my first question. My second question would be why if this board was about fat acceptance/admirers then would you come and say you were only attracted to thin or athletic X or Y?? Is this not called Dimensions for the obvious reasons, of an understanding that DIMENSIONS are beautiful and not so abnormal? Therefore, by this analysis, I would conclude that if you want to start your own FTA (Fat Thin Admirer) board or an FMA (Fat Muscular Admirer) board, then go right ahead, but don't try and convince me that it belongs here. I'd say this is a place to celebrate FAs, FFAs, BHMs, and BBW/SSBBW's, not FTAs or FMAs per se... Just my .02 :D :D

PS I love a great debate... this should be most entertaining :)
The person who created this site is thin. A man, often depicted in a wetsuit. A wetsuit wearin' German speaking thin man who prefers fat women and is in fact married to one. I am not certian it was his intent in the founding of this site to prevent his own wife from participating here due to her poor choice of spouse.
 

Actor4hire

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Dec 18, 2006
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I never intended for what I wrote to start a brewhaha, but if that's where it goes, so be it. The only reason I wrote what I wrote is because somebody earlier in the post wanted to hear more from the BHM in regards to the lack of BBW FA's. So I wrote, what I wrote and I stand by it 100%.

I think this board is a great place for people of size to feel safe and accepted. But there is a HUGE (No pun intended) double standard when it comes to BHM and BBW's on this board.

It is ok for a large woman on this board to state that she does not find large men attractive. I would venture to say that the 70% of the women on this board probably fit into that group. But if a large guy were to write in a post that he doesn't find large women attractive, all hell would break loose!

I also just don't get why there are so many large women who will only go for slim, athletic type of guys. Isn't the true meaning of this place is to be a place of size acceptance? A place where the inside is just as important if not more important than the outer appearance of ones body?

To come out as a large woman and state that you have no interest in large guys due to the fact that they are FAT (there I said it) is doing a total dis-service to the board and to what everyone here is fighting for.

What if there was no Dimensions?? What if there wasn't a place for large ladies to be idolized?? (Which is what this board basically is) Then what??? Would you just not be another fat lady who finds that they are outcasts in the dating pool???

Sadly, this is what a lot of fat men deal with. There is a small amount of women out there who are FA's, for that we are happy. But to see so many large women on this board be so against dating us due to our size (which we share in common mind you) makes no sense to me what so ever.

As I stated in my first post, I am no longer a true BHM. I lost over 100 pounds over 15 years ago. If I were to bump into the women who are on this board, who say they don't date large guys, I doubt there would be to many that would think of me as to fat to date.

But I do know what it's like to be over 380 pounds at one time. I do know what it's like to try and find somebody who loves you for who you are (which I have been fortunate enough to find) And I just think that if more large women would give big guys a chance, they may just find out that there is a whole lot more than what is on the outside.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander...

PEACE!
 

Teleute

Heh heh. "Member".
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It sucks to feel like there's a double standard. I will respond more sensibly to your posts later today. For now, I just wanted to point out:

due to the fact that they are FAT (there I said it)
I'm totally amused by the expectation that this will be a shocking statement here :p
 
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