Little piece of advice

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molligmag

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Hi friends,

I am a FA since I was 12. In my teenage years I have dated several +size girls, but as "friends" gave me a rough time more and more my girlfriends became thinner and thinner over the years.

8 years ago I met my present girlfriend, she was a little chubby with a very pretty face. I was very in love with her, she has the greatest personality and is a warm person to be with. After the first "head over heals months" I started to hear a little voice in my head, which said; This is not what you want, you want a beautiful fat girl" As years past by my girlfriend lost all her extra college pounds and everyone complimented her with her slim 140 lbs body. I was happy for her, because she felt a lot better with her new body.

Today I am 32 and I have a pretty, intelligent girlfriend, but I am very unhappy. I am unhappy because I cannot give her the love she deserves, feel no physical attraction for her and I am constantly thinking how wonderful it would be to be with a BBW. I know it would be better to break up with her and to pursue my own happiness and let her find the right man for her, but I just can't do it. Is the physical and sexual part more important than the emotional and caring part? I can't make the decision.

I hope I don't get flamed down as a guy without the guts to break up, because it's tearing me apart and I don't know how to deal with this situation.
Hope to hear a word of advice from you.

Mark
 

Jes

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when you break up with her, will you end up still not dating a fat woman because your friends give you a rough time?

if so, save everyone the trouble and stay with your girlfriend if she loves you, but let her find someone who craves her body to have sex with, on the side.

that's my suggestion.
 

Ruby Ripples

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Hi friends,

I am a FA since I was 12. In my teenage years I have dated several +size girls, but as "friends" gave me a rough time more and more my girlfriends became thinner and thinner over the years.

8 years ago I met my present girlfriend, she was a little chubby with a very pretty face. I was very in love with her, she has the greatest personality and is a warm person to be with. After the first "head over heals months" I started to hear a little voice in my head, which said; This is not what you want, you want a beautiful fat girl" As years past by my girlfriend lost all her extra college pounds and everyone complimented her with her slim 140 lbs body. I was happy for her, because she felt a lot better with her new body.

Today I am 32 and I have a pretty, intelligent girlfriend, but I am very unhappy. I am unhappy because I cannot give her the love she deserves, feel no physical attraction for her and I am constantly thinking how wonderful it would be to be with a BBW. I know it would be better to break up with her and to pursue my own happiness and let her find the right man for her, but I just can't do it. Is the physical and sexual part more important than the emotional and caring part? I can't make the decision.

I hope I don't get flamed down as a guy without the guts to break up, because it's tearing me apart and I don't know how to deal with this situation.
Hope to hear a word of advice from you.

Mark
I hope you don't get too flamed either, though I fear you will. I admire your honesty and your bravery in posting here. I think you have to do what is right for you, you are still a young man, and you don't want to live your life unhappy because of this. It's not fair on her either. So many people on here talk about how if you "really" love a person, their appearance/body size/ shape/whatever won't matter, but I think that for the majority of people, that's just not true. Yes as you say you can love her for her, but if you are not physically and sexually attracted to her, then .. how can things get any better? I don't think you are being shallow or anything either, as I can see from your words that you love this woman, and I imagine if you could wave a magic wand to make yourself be sexually attracted to her, you would do it in an instant.

I am assuming through all this that you HAVE now come to terms with your preference and that you would be intending to openly date fat women, rather than hiding it like before?

I wish you the very best of luck in what you decide.
 

AnnMarie

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I agree with Ruby on all points, and you're not the first man who prefers fat women to find himself in a relationship with a thin woman and wonder how it happened and what to do.

The way your relationship is, it's not fair to either of you. She deserves to have a man who loves all of her, just as you should find someone that you can love inside and out - so I wish you luck in facing this issue, and not making the same mistake should you find yourself "on the market" again.

Best of luck to you.
 

TheSadeianLinguist

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You can't force physical attraction. So, I'm telling you what you already know: It's time to move on. I hope you can leave with love, generating love or at least friendship in your conversations, leaving for the highest good.

I've been left and I've left, and while it hurts, I can tell you that all I have ever learned is that in a relationship, yourself and your partner should be your highest priority. Is she your highest priority in a relationship where you can't sexually enjoy her company? Are you your biggest priority if you're depriving yourself of a sexually meaningful relationship?
 

CrankySpice

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My feeling on the matter is this: the people we love but aren't physically attracted to are our friends.

This is not to say that we can't be friends with people we are also attracted to physically....what I mean is that if there is no physical chemistry or spark, you shouldn't be lovers.

It's that simple, really, although I understand that disentangling from a relationship that is physical despite a lack of attraction can be very tricky.

It is better for the both of you to end the relationship--as kindly as possible--and move on. She should be adored for ALL she is, not despite of her size, and you should be with someone you are attracted to on ALL levels.

Good luck.
 

ZainTheInsane

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I honestly am debating what you're debating myself, and I find myself wondering the same things.

The difference obviously being that I've been going out with her for a lot less time likely, and have a great deal less invested.

However, I've also told her EVERYTHING insofar as my physical preferences and likes, yet she and I are still together. I honestly can't explain it, and I have a feeling that it is something I will have to deal with. In addition, I like more slender women as well...and my preference varies widely. However, she is less comfortable with her body than your own girlfriend seems to be, despite being of similar size. Maybe it is just my own perception, but I honestly find her incredibly attractive to me, more so then when we started dating. I'd love to explain how the hell it happened, but I'm effing clueless on that front.

I don't know what to tell you, as I myself have no idea what to do. And it continually seems like people give such clear-cut advice, when the situation is anything but clear-cut.
 

molligmag

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when you break up with her, will you end up still not dating a fat woman because your friends give you a rough time?

if so, save everyone the trouble and stay with your girlfriend if she loves you, but let her find someone who craves her body to have sex with, on the side.

that's my suggestion.
Thank you for your advice.
The period I was talking about were my teenager years, I was 15 or 16.
I guess these are the ages you are pretty insecure and easily influenced by your friends. I am pretty sure I would date a fat girl when are relation ship was over....
 

molligmag

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I hope you don't get too flamed either, though I fear you will. I admire your honesty and your bravery in posting here. I think you have to do what is right for you, you are still a young man, and you don't want to live your life unhappy because of this. It's not fair on her either. So many people on here talk about how if you "really" love a person, their appearance/body size/ shape/whatever won't matter, but I think that for the majority of people, that's just not true. Yes as you say you can love her for her, but if you are not physically and sexually attracted to her, then .. how can things get any better? I don't think you are being shallow or anything either, as I can see from your words that you love this woman, and I imagine if you could wave a magic wand to make yourself be sexually attracted to her, you would do it in an instant.

I am assuming through all this that you HAVE now come to terms with your preference and that you would be intending to openly date fat women, rather than hiding it like before?

I wish you the very best of luck in what you decide.
Thank you for your kind advice!
I agree with you about the physical part, it does matter to me.
In fact I am facing serious problems in our bedroom if I am not thinking about beautiful fat women.( am I actually typing this....)
 

molligmag

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You can't force physical attraction. So, I'm telling you what you already know: It's time to move on. I hope you can leave with love, generating love or at least friendship in your conversations, leaving for the highest good.

I've been left and I've left, and while it hurts, I can tell you that all I have ever learned is that in a relationship, yourself and your partner should be your highest priority. Is she your highest priority in a relationship where you can't sexually enjoy her company? Are you your biggest priority if you're depriving yourself of a sexually meaningful relationship?
Thank you for the advice. I fully agree with you, it's only so damned difficult to take that last step. But this really helps.
 

molligmag

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My feeling on the matter is this: the people we love but aren't physically attracted to are our friends.

This is not to say that we can't be friends with people we are also attracted to physically....what I mean is that if there is no physical chemistry or spark, you shouldn't be lovers.

It's that simple, really, although I understand that disentangling from a relationship that is physical despite a lack of attraction can be very tricky.

It is better for the both of you to end the relationship--as kindly as possible--and move on. She should be adored for ALL she is, not despite of her size, and you should be with someone you are attracted to on ALL levels.

Good luck.
Thank you for the advice.
She feels like the sister I never had. She is one of the guys, but not my lover.
 

UMBROBOYUM

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Hi friends,

I am a FA since I was 12. In my teenage years I have dated several +size girls, but as "friends" gave me a rough time more and more my girlfriends became thinner and thinner over the years.

8 years ago I met my present girlfriend, she was a little chubby with a very pretty face. I was very in love with her, she has the greatest personality and is a warm person to be with. After the first "head over heals months" I started to hear a little voice in my head, which said; This is not what you want, you want a beautiful fat girl" As years past by my girlfriend lost all her extra college pounds and everyone complimented her with her slim 140 lbs body. I was happy for her, because she felt a lot better with her new body.

Today I am 32 and I have a pretty, intelligent girlfriend, but I am very unhappy. I am unhappy because I cannot give her the love she deserves, feel no physical attraction for her and I am constantly thinking how wonderful it would be to be with a BBW. I know it would be better to break up with her and to pursue my own happiness and let her find the right man for her, but I just can't do it. Is the physical and sexual part more important than the emotional and caring part? I can't make the decision.

I hope I don't get flamed down as a guy without the guts to break up, because it's tearing me apart and I don't know how to deal with this situation.
Hope to hear a word of advice from you.

Mark
Be honest to her and yourself. It is a hard place to be in, but as it is if its truely how you feel then I wish you the best. Just don't go back to dating a thin women because of your friends. Be with who you want to be with on your terms, not theirs otherwise you'll end up where you are now. My advice is to tell her the truth and do it as nicely as you can and as a soon as you can.

Good luck man.
 

toni

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I think you should leave her now. If you wait, you will complicate the situation with marriage and children. Your sexual desires are bound to take over. You will cheat on her with a fat chick and it will be unfair for everyone involved. ESPECIALLY the fat chick.
 

Jes

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ooh. 'pretty sure' doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement to me. Good luck with that!
 

toni

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ooh. 'pretty sure' doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement to me. Good luck with that!
Typical :doh:

It's a shame. It's so frustrating. 32 years old and can not date the women he wants in fear of what friends or family will think. Why don't some of these "FA's" grow a set? :rolleyes:
 

Jes

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Well, I just wish him the best with it. It doesn't sound too positive right now, but I'm sure that can change. I hope it changes before he finds a fat woman to date, though. otherwise he'll be more than a schoft.
 

TraciJo67

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I think you should leave her now. If you wait, you will complicate the situation with marriage and children. Your sexual desires are bound to take over. You will cheat on her with a fat chick and it will be unfair for everyone involved. ESPECIALLY the fat chick.
I'd be more inclined to think ESPECIALLY the woman that he's been involved with for many years.
 

toni

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I'd be more inclined to think ESPECIALLY the woman that he's been involved with for many years.
Well, you have that right. lol :p

I tend to always feel more for the fat chick who gets used in the end. BTW, you would think if one really knew her man, she would notice that he was not sexually attracted to her(as the op stated). I don't think you can fake that type of sexual thing.
 

TraciJo67

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Well, you have that right. lol :p

I tend to always feel more for the fat chick who gets used in the end. BTW, you would think if one really knew her man, she would notice that he was not sexually attracted to her(as the op stated). I don't think you can fake that type of sexual thing.
Well, you'd think that Senator Craig's wife would notice a quibbling little detail ... like, her husband is GAY ... but alas :D. Sometimes, people don't notice ... or rather, don't want to notice & do everything but literally bury their heads in the sand.
 

toni

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Yeah, I am with you on that. It's such a shame. :doh:
 

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