Needing Advice :/

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Potatodragon

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I've been with my bhm for about two years now, he is the kindest, handsomest, warmest, loving man I've ever met. He makes me feel amazing and we love each other so much!

The only thing that bothers me is that he doesnt know that one of the reasons I'm attracted to him is because he is chubby :/ I've dropped hints, told him he's sexy and how attractive I find him, but he just seems confused. I even recently admitted that I found his pot belly attractive.

I don't know how to explain my feelings without hurting his feelings and I'm so scared of loosing him :/ Please help Xx:wubu:
 

BigChaz

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If you guys have been together for two years, honestly, you should just lay it out on the table and tell him. You clearly love him and after two years hopefully he feels the same about you. If it's important to you that he knows, then you really just have to tell him.

You don't have to say, "hey I like your fat gut.". Just let him know how you feel in a nice, relaxed, easy going manner one day. It could be as simple as snuggling on the couch watching a movie and just saying something offhand like, "I love your chubby body, it turns me on".

Clearly you know him better than I do, so say whatever would work :)
 

Melian

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Why do you need him to know that you specifically like that he's fat? Do you want to get into more fetish-oriented sex? If nothing is going to change beyond him being able to articulate exactly what you like, then maybe just leave it alone, if you think he's going to be offended.

Honestly though, if he's fat and you've been screwing him for 2 years...he probably knows that you like fat guys.
 

BigChaz

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You should just punch him in the face and be like, "YOU SMELL BAD"

Then later have a friend give him a note that says, "Do you like potatodragon? Circle yes or no"
 

Amaranthine

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You should just punch him in the face and be like, "YOU SMELL BAD"

Then later have a friend give him a note that says, "Do you like potatodragon? Circle yes or no"
I read this without having read the OP's username and felt like I'd missed out on a meme that Google refused to tell me about.


Just tell him. Communication is pretty crucial in a relationship. I totally get being self-conscious about it, but if you're going to make a long term relationship work, it's probably best to just throw things out there. Just make sure he doesn't misunderstand...like, maybe, think you want him to gain a bunch of weight (well, unless that's the case.)
 

Mordecai

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Some folks need to just hear things stated concretely - hints don't always work. Like the others said: communication.
 

Potatodragon

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Thanks guys :) lol you made me giggle Bigchaz!
Yeah I guess I'm not sure if I want to involve it in the bedroom? It certainly helps fantacising about it! Lol But when it comes to reality, I love him just as he is, would be nice if he gained more but I'm not overly fussed.
I'm too in love with him to ever jepordise his health. One one hand I'm nagging him to eat vegetables while on the other get crazy over him when I watch him eat a Mc D's. Very mixed emotions ^^'
Like many of you guys probably understand ive been trying to make sence of these feelings for a long time, and haven't opened up to anyone ever :/ this is the first time I've talked about it openly Xx
 

Melian

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Thanks guys :) lol you made me giggle Bigchaz!
Yeah I guess I'm not sure if I want to involve it in the bedroom? It certainly helps fantacising about it! Lol But when it comes to reality, I love him just as he is, would be nice if he gained more but I'm not overly fussed.
I'm too in love with him to ever jepordise his health. One one hand I'm nagging him to eat vegetables while on the other get crazy over him when I watch him eat a Mc D's. Very mixed emotions ^^'
Like many of you guys probably understand ive been trying to make sence of these feelings for a long time, and haven't opened up to anyone ever :/ this is the first time I've talked about it openly Xx
Totally understand. It seems like such a simple thing - a preference for a common body type - yet it ends up being awkward and potentially confusing for everyone involved.

Take some time and think about what you ultimately want from a relationship and, if you think that you're eventually going to start incorporating fetish stuff into your sex life (even if it's just language that you'll want to use), then you should decide if you want to risk pissing him off by telling him everything. That being said, you may not piss him off at all, but it is one possible outcome.
 

Tad

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One thought, not fully developed so coming out as a wall of words -- but hopefully it will make some sort of sense. If not, meh, obviously ignore the nonsense, but I’d appreciate it if someone tells me I’m ranting and rambling randomly.

Some attractions simply are, and don’t have much baggage with them (for example, liking long fingers). Some attractions we just don’t know much of why we have them, and they may have a bit of baggage, but are minor enough that people aren’t apt to get in too much of a snit over them (perhaps liking longer finger nails).

But then there are some that come with enough baggage that we are almost forced to take sides on whether we view whatever it is as a good thing and we like it, or if we view it as a weakness and like it anyway, or even view it as a weakness and like it because it is a weakness.

To keep it away from fat for a moment, just to make it less personal, let’s say you were attracted to guys who cross dressed. There is a ton of baggage associated with that, so much that it is hard to ignore. In your head it could be that guys in women’s clothing are showing how they won’t be bound by conventions, are open to other viewpoints, and are more in touch with their own sexuality (decide it is a good thing, and go on liking it). You could feel that it is a weakness, even a flaw in them, but take guilty pleasure in getting turned on by it anyway (possibly mostly having them do it in private, or in hidden ways). Or you could feel that it shows that they are a sissy, weak, and this lets you ‘be the man’ and boss them around, and their very weakness is part of the turn-on (“Put on this maid’s uniform and bring me a beer, b***h”). None of these are inherently noble or terrible, it is all how you actually express it in a relationship.

OK, bring that back to liking fat now, I’m sure you can get it, but to say it anyway: do you view a guy being fat as a strength? (He’s bigger, you feel more protected next to him, he isn’t being cowed by social pressures, or whatever). A weakness that you love anyway (He can’t control his appetite nor motivate himself to exercise enough to lose the weight, but you are glad, you just find it so attractive even if that makes you feel a bit guilty). Or a weakness that turns you on? (His lack of self control is simply hot, the thought of feeding him to a massive size never fails to turn you on, you love making him take the stairs at a mall just to hear him panting by the top, and knowing that if you then suggest he get a milkshake he’ll go for it, adding even more calories he’ll have to carry next time).

Knowing what turns you on is pretty key. The categories I presented here are pretty crude and simple, and real feelings will probably tend to sprawl around multiple categories somewhat, but maybe they give you a way to break this down more?

All of which leads into this, in a generic sense, people will be happier about being lusted after for a strength, even if they don’t agree that it is a strength. He may feel his fat is a weakness, but if you make it clear that you see it as a strength, and that strength is part of what turns you on, he’ll hopefully accept that you are a little crazy, but in a benign way that is good for him. Finding out that see it as a weakness, but that is part of what you find attractive about him, might feel a bit like being told he thinks you are lazy, but he likes that in a woman. Now, some specific people will get turned on by their weaknesses (in general, or only by specific ones), but I think that most people aren’t.

So if it is a weakness to you, you need to decide whether you give him only a partial truth (pretending you think it is a strength, but being honest that you like it), be honest with him and deal with the consequences, or keep it mostly to yourself.

</walloftext>
 

Potatodragon

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Thanks so much for taking the time to write this, it does make sence and helps clarify a few things for me.

If I were to be honest I like that he is larger than me, it makes me feel feminine and safe. While I'm also turned on by seeing his fat jiggle and poke out. I enjoy watching him overindulge but I don't like the idea of feeding him to immobility, for me there is a limit and it stops being attractive when a person goes all random shapes lol.

I recently mentioned to him that I find his large stomach attractive because he wanted to know why my hands always drifted there ^^'. He thaught it was 'weird' but accepted it without further question. For me this was a huge step.
He recently lost a bit of weight which he was happy about but I admitted I liked him the way he was. He suggested he put it back on or gain more for me, I panicked and said I'd rather he do what makes him happy and feel better, which is true, although deep down I was wanting the latter :/ he is the kind of person who would do anything for me and I guess that makes me guilty too.
 

Dr. Feelgood

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he is the kind of person who would do anything for me and I guess that makes me guilty too.
No. It makes you sensitive enough to realize how devoted he is, and responsible enough not to take advantaage of it. Which, in my book, makes you a pretty fine person. :bow:
 

Potatodragon

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That's very true, the last thing I'd want to do is abuse that. It's just getting across to him how I feel that's troubling me, think it's just something that's gona take time?
He seems to understand now that I'm finding his fat attractive, thanks for the advice guys you helped clarify a few things for me and I'm not so worried any more :)

How would you suggest is the best way to introduce the whole food in the bedroom idea. Or just letting me feed him in a sexy way sometimes?
 

dwesterny

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[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ogVT5mpg6c"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ogVT5mpg6c[/ame]
 

Tad

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Here is the scene I was thinking of. Not promising that it will appeal to either of you, but at the same time it can give some idea of the possible eroticism of focusing on the sensuality of food (not to mention of having to track what is going on without sight)

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGB2lGyDrTw[/ame]
 
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