The Reality Of Dating An SSBBW

Discussion in 'Weight Board' started by largenlovely, Apr 26, 2008.

  1. Aug 5, 2012 #1381

    Scotter

    Scotter

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    Kendall, point of clarification please... are you talking about the first few dates, or in ongoing partnership type relationships? You mentioned 600lb gfs, so from that I would guess that you're referring to the latter, unless you're referring to a gf as someone who acquired that status before the first actual meeting (never can tell what some people mean by things these days).

    This distinction is critical in a few ways.

    First, I think most SSBBWs have done the "Closet FA" experience, and all but those with irreparably low self-esteem are on guard against a repeat of such a scene. The closet FA is sexually attracted to SSBBW, but believes that its something he (or she) needs to keep secret because of what "other people," even total strangers, might think. To make matters worse, many closet FA's seem to think that the SS objects of their desires should be understanding and cooperative in their attempts to carry on a relationship in secret. It's like being the other woman even if there is no "other" woman. Here, the distinction between a new and ongoing relationship, from her point of view, is that if an FA wants to conduct the first few dates in the privacy a home or a hotel room, that is a major warning sign.

    Secondly, any woman will judge not so much the man, as the man's motives and level of interest in her, by how far he is willing to go to impress her early in the relationship. The fact that he is willing to overextend himself during the process of becoming personally acquainted indicates to her that he is willing to put significant investment in a relationship with her. After all, if he isn't willing to do that in the beginning, how will she be treated once familiarity sets in? Here again, the distinction between an established relationship and a new one is significant.

    Third, in an ongoing relationship, most reasonable women would have a very good idea of what you're financially capable of, and expect to be treated accordingly, at least on special occasions. A good woman would never expect you to over-extend yourself, but she still wants to be taken out occasionally so as to feel a part of society, and not isolated in a box at home.

    If, as I am inclined to read in your post, you have had long-term girlfriends (I read long-term as implicit in the term girlfriend) who demanded that you overextend yourself for her entertainment on a frequent basis, then you did indeed have soiled brats on your hands. To that end, you mentioned "lob" models (not sure what that is but I'm guessing it's the same as web models). If you have been dating web models, keep in mind that they constantly receive very expensive gifts from men who either don't know them or have very shallow interests in them. Such gifts from strangers can range up to and including cars. If you have been meeting web models, you might want to observe very carefully their ideas of what they expect from a relationship. While most of the models are above that sort of materialism, some aren't, and those are the ones who would appear most eager to date you, until the generosity runs out.

    Scott
     
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  2. Aug 5, 2012 #1382

    SuperMishe

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    Single. Wanna mingle?

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    Got her for you (us!)...

    I think Kevin said it... I cannot imagine a guy expecting me to take the bus on a date. In fact, since I don't fit in most cars because of the center console and these damned hips - I prefer to drive my OWN car anyway!
     
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  3. Aug 6, 2012 #1383

    ssbbwnut

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    bigger is ALWAYS better

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    It sounds like someone need to invest into a car that has a bench seat...
    Thankfully my 2002 Tarus HAS a bench seat...(hint)


    Mishe..."dammed hips"? more like awesome, curvy, sexy hips, I think thats how you meant to word it..lol
     
  4. Sep 30, 2012 #1384

    Nenona

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    Some things I haven't seen on here before:
    (Disclaimer: I only weigh 369, but I've been fat all my life and this is some little things that I've found to be important)


    -Showers. Sometimes they're too tiny. I've told an ex before that I couldn't shower at his place because it was a little tiny plastic thing--set into the corner. It really really wasn't going to happen, ever. and he griped when I only took showers at my place and never kept stuff with him. So if you have a shower, make sure that it's a big tiled one with a shower curtain, and not a little corner one made out of molded plastic. And if you got an apartment with a Garden Tub, congrats, it's suddenly useful.

    -he shoved me into a chair once--he went down the path of being "nice"--giving me a place to sit--without getting that tiny metal lawn chairs and I DO. NOT. MIX. My thighs hurt as soon as my butt hit the seat, and then when I stood I had to pry the damn thing off my ass. I'm glad I didn't break it because then that would have been really horrible--I'd have had to pay for this guy's shitty lawn chair because my ex refused to listen to me when I told him "No, this isn't going to work."

    -Towels. Get big ones. Trust me, the tiny cheap ones from Wal-mart are not going to cut the cheese--find a brand that makes nice big, fluffy towels, and invest in 3 or 4. I use only one, some women use more.

    -Air Conditioning--Central Heat/Air is best, because window units do cool the room but....they cool only one room. If you're 3 bedrooms away that room will never be proper cold and you'll have to deal with the loud-ass air conditioner every time it kicks on. Invest in a good central air unit, change the filter on a regular basis.

    -Comfy Desk Chair/Comfy Couch--the best desk chairs have no arms on the sides for me. I loved the simple mesh ones they had in the college computer labs. For chairs, I really like the 1.5 chairs--the ones that are kind of huge, because I can tuck my feet up into them.

    -Don't be a douche when she goes clothing shopping. I can't tell you how many eye-rolling whining guys have immediately started griping when I suggest we stop by Layne Bryant so I can grab some undies from their 5 for $25 pile. Also, I wear cotton undies because that's what's comfy. No I will not switch to thongs because thongs made for fat women are never comfortable for me. Respect her choices and realize that she's in comfy clothes for her FOR A REASON.

    ---also dealt with an ex who complained about my "style" and wished I would dress more like 'all the other girls'--he didn't get why I wasn't wearing the same clothes as them until I explained that they don't make hip and trendy clothing for fat girls, unless they're at a premium that I can't afford.

    -If you're into weight gain, respect her wishes to not get any larger. I can't tell you how many guys have gone "but why don't you want to get to 500lbs?!" when they only want to date me "sometimes" and have no interest in a long-term relationship--but I've already explained that I'm happy at the size I am, and I'm not about to gain weight for this one guy when it would impact EVERY part of my life--from the clothes and underwear I wear to the car I can drive.
    It's important to realize that it may be your fetish, but she has her own life--I'm happy at the size I am, I don't need to be any bigger, but guys insisting that I need to gain weight make me -extremely- uncomfortable about talking to anyone who's into feedism.

    I hate to turn a guy away by saying "it's not like dating a normal girl, who happens to be fat" but...it really isn't. Once you get above 200lbs you're no longer an XL or a straight size or a size you can find anywhere--you're into clothing that has to be purchased from special stores--and then when you reach the upper realms of Layne Bryant you have to special order clothing online. So no, dating a 400 lb girl is not the same as dating a 120 lb girl--society treats the 400lb girl very differently, and you're going to have to make concessions for a woman that society doesn't like very much.
     
  5. Oct 5, 2012 #1385

    NewfieGal

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    I'm living the reality lol...and just to clarify don't need fancy stuff or fancy dinners lol I'm pretty down to earth lol... btw casting pearl you ROCK... oh and the reality is as well that SSBBW are like everyone else accept us as is and don't try to change us for the "better" :) that is all
     
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  6. Oct 28, 2012 #1386

    Navydude

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    Just saying.......

    My Armada.jpg
     
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  7. Dec 13, 2012 #1387

    angeleyes68

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    I have just started dating a gentleman who is so accepting of my size it is refreshing. I would like to ask anyone out there is they have ever run into a situation where the BBW has bad knees and is unable to bend them but he wants the girl on top. We have talked and tried various solutions but seem to be having some trouble. If anyone has any suggestions it would be greatly appreciated. I have looked in various books but with my 380 lb size...the books are very limited. Please help.:blush:
     
  8. Dec 13, 2012 #1388

    CleverBomb

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    Weightlifting bench or the like, perhaps?
    The idea would be to remain mostly standing during the festivities.
     
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  9. Dec 13, 2012 #1389

    wreckless1967

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    Ha Ha How most gracefully worded, festivities lol:)
     
  10. Dec 18, 2012 #1390

    bbwlibrarian

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    This is old but, ummm, yes! Lane Bryant's big girl panties might be expensive, but they are a superior product. Don't just suggest that we "swing by Walmart" and get a 6-pack of Hanes Her Way. There's a reason why my 300lb butt requires $15 panties, and there's an equally good reason why we've gotta go to the mall as soon as Lane Bryant announces a clearance sale.

    It's probably obvious by now, but I've split a few hairs in the past over the price of underwear.
     
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  11. Jan 29, 2013 #1391

    ssbbw4m4

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    This thread introduced me to this web forum and it really hit home so I wanted to take a couple minutes and add my own comments. Though I had dated larger women for several years, it was not until I met a SSBBW and we started dating that I learned about changed I would have to make in my life. I had a Mustang and a pick up truck and, when we went out, I had to take the truck with a stepping stool, I had made the mistake of showing up for our first date in the Mustang. Mistake number 1. I had to plan dates with very little walking. I had to replace my standard bed with a platform bed. I had to get a sofa that was more sturdy too. I also lived on the 3rd floor of a walk up apartment and, when my lease was up, I moved to the 1st floor. I did learn there are issues facing a woman that is 400+ pounds that a woman 250 pounds does not face.

    When my company transferred me to Germany, I had been seeing a SSBBW and had planned for her to visit me or, even come live with me there. I found a ground floor flat and bought a BMW sedan. When she flew to visit me, I had to buy a 1st class ticket (she said it was embarrassing to fly coach and was uncomfortable as well, even with 2 seats). She had been excited to come to Germany but, was miserable there. She came in the summer and German houses and apartments don't have air conditioning and, though the temperature was in the 80's, she was hot and miserable. I had rented a flat in a small town outside of Stuttgart. Though it was a pleasant little town, to go from shop to shop, you had to walk. That made things difficult for her. Thought she stayed a month, she was happy to leave. We had driven around Southern Germany to site see but, going to places like castles was out. She did enjoy the festival we went to and liked the German food and German beer but, the port-a-potties they set out, she did not like. When we took a weekend trip to Munchen, I had to find a hotel with a ground floor room (if you have been to Europe, many older hotels are converted homes with narrow staircases) and, I ended up sleeping on the floor as we worried the bed would not hold our combined weight (I am 210 lbs).

    SHe went home after her visit but, we broke up as a couple. I had a 3 year commitment in Germany and she did not want to come back. We did remain friends though.

    So, to make a short story even longer, dating a SSBBW does mean I had to make changed in the way I lived. Nothing major but, changes just the same.
     
  12. Mar 5, 2013 #1392

    musicman

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    I hate fat-haters!

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    Wow, that's a huge red flag. Any man who objects to visiting Lane Bryant (or even waiting outside to watch the "scenery" ;) ) is certainly not an FA! I'm sorry you've had experiences like that.

    Absolutely! If a guy can't understand that (or can't learn it real quick), he's too stupid to be with an SSBBW (or any self-respecting woman, for that matter).
     
  13. Mar 9, 2013 #1393

    Grizzlybear

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    I have thought about the question you pose. And, to be honest, UncannyBruceman puts it quite well. I certainly don't mind treating a woman I'm with like a queen, but she has to act in such a way as to merit that treatment. I have dated several very large ladies and have found them, in every case, thinking of themselves as less than desirable. Mostly because society says they are.

    I was watching a video earlier of Shane Koyczan at TED speaking about bullying, and a lot of that rings true in his speech for how society at large (no pun intended) treats groups that aren't considered "mainstream". I was raised to believe that people are going to be whatever people are; society be damned. Sure, we all have to play the game a little, but to be so judgmental of those who don't jump into the deep end of it is so disrespectful and so (to me) loathsome an idea.

    So, to my point with that mini-rant: if I'm in a relationship with a ssbbw, the personality and emotional well-being of that woman are my first and foremost interest, and what I most seek to bolster and protect. Of course the physical plays a role in any relationship, but making each other happy is what I'm in it for.

    Here's a link to the aforementioned video on YouTube:

    http://youtu.be/sa1iS1MqUy4
     
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  14. Mar 9, 2013 #1394

    ecogeek

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    This is quite a noble concept. I think in past relationships this has always been the biggest let down to me. Back home in the US I never really experienced it, but it is quite common for people to say rude shit to me in the streets or walking past pubs etc. Seems to just be the way here. Just once, I think it would be nice to be defended. To the point of once asking my ex husband why he didn't and he said to me that he "never heard anything." Right. Hard to ignore when people are yelling at you.

     
  15. Mar 10, 2013 #1395

    CaAggieGirl

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    This! I do not always have problems with seatbelts, but occasionally I do. Just get one just in case. It will be appreciated.
     
  16. Mar 20, 2013 #1396

    bullsman812000

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    The Reality about being with SSBBW is the sexy is out of this world that the reality lol no you just need to slow down be patient men tend to be in a hurry all the time
     
  17. Mar 20, 2013 #1397

    bullsman812000

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    The Reality about being with SSBBW is the sex is out of this world that the reality lol no you just need to slow down be patient men tend to be in a hurry all the time
     
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  18. Aug 22, 2013 #1398

    Veryfat4u

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    Not all guys like that. But I enjoy my size
     
  19. Oct 2, 2013 #1399

    nixon

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    Were you on an extremely tight budget? Because while the converted old homes is undoubtedly true and there can be small cities with almost only such hotels, you are talking about Munich here. There is an abundance of chain hotels and better houses there with air conditioning, elevators and sturdy beds. Not even just talking luxury chains, there will be Best Western, Radisson, InterCity, Marriot, etc., which would have suited her needs just fine.

    I get having trouble visiting Neuschwanstein, but there is literally no problem finding a great hotel in Berlin, Hamburg, Munich, Bremen, Cologne etc.
     
  20. Mar 14, 2014 #1400

    Excellent21

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    I would love to date an SSBBW, but I'm so awkward around girls I find attractive that I only have friends (good friends, but still just friends).

    I am quite eccentric, and so it is hard to find ANYONE who is interested in talking about mariculture, linguistics or astrobiology (to give three examples)...Let alone an attractive partner :(

    Now, before you call sexism on me, I try to apply the golden rule and the doctrine of reciprocity to all my conduct: Thus, I have no qualms about looking at pornography because I have no problem being objectified by a willing sexual partner and I likewise do not take money without repaying it with interest ASAP and I give as much as the girl I'm trying to get to like me needs. I try to talk to her about what she is interested in, and I expect her to talk to me about what I am interested in in exchange.

    But no matter how nice I am, no matter how much I offer to help the girl study (I'm great in college academics), how respectful and decent I behave or how accepting of her friends I be (or sometimes force myself to be, when they seem like jerks or are annoying), I never get a date.

    Anyway, I would say (though obviously I have no actual experience) that an SSBBW girl would deserve treatment based on the same fundemental principles.

    It becomes complicated for me because the SSBBWs I approach on campus (I have BBW friends, but none are availible; I am sad to say I have no SSBBW friends, let alone a girlfriend...) are very attractive, and oftentimes clearly intelligent (from what I can tell from what they are reading :)) but seem confused and awkward as to why I approach them when a gregarious, slender, girl is very nearby. This makes me feel bad about making the girl feel uncomftorble, and so I can't really make any moves or what have you.

    As for the size factor of SSBBWs, in any relationship with a SSBBW, I would be sure to follow the Golden Rule and the Doctrine of Reciprocity.
     

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