Often times I feel that my words are inadequate. Attempting to convey my thoughts and how I feel seems so insufficiently diminutive. My written expressions of sentiment and/or empathy are more than just words on a screen. There are heart felt emotions behind the mere words.
I believe that death is a part of the process of life. I look at death as a transition, not a finality. Just recently, I have experienced the most difficult thing ever in my life. I lost my best friend and only sibling. I found that no matter how deep my personal convictions, or how strong my belief or faith, that losing my brother has left an encompassing void and emptiness that is more than I can bear at times. I understand the brokenheartedness and the intense grief of losing someone. Sometimes the emotional pain becomes physical and I hear a woman crying out in mourning. The tears are uncontrollable and it feels like the weight of the world is pressing against my physical body. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up into fetal position, then into a tight ball, and just get smaller and smaller until I wouldn't feel anything anymore.
It has been almost 21 years since my dad passed away. So often I wish I could talk to him. I do talk to him, but I mean I wish I could hear his voice and his words of wisdom. I could always go to him. He understood me. As much I miss both him and my brother, I wouldn't want either of them to ever have to return to the life of pain here on earth. The one thing that I "gained" after losing my dad was the desire to always share how I feel when I love someone. When I love someone, I want them to know without ever a shadow of doubt. I wouldn't want anyone to ever question whether or not I cared about them.
Tad, I am sorry to read about the loss of your father. Life isn't always fair. I do not understand why some who are "good" have to suffer so, and those who are evil seem to joyously go about life unscathed. The only thing I can reconcile within my mind is that when we or a loved one becomes ill and suffers in life, that that time given during an illness allows us to develop bonds and memories that we otherwise would not have developed; and those memories become cathartic during the grief process that follows.
Know that others here understand and care. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I believe that death is a part of the process of life. I look at death as a transition, not a finality. Just recently, I have experienced the most difficult thing ever in my life. I lost my best friend and only sibling. I found that no matter how deep my personal convictions, or how strong my belief or faith, that losing my brother has left an encompassing void and emptiness that is more than I can bear at times. I understand the brokenheartedness and the intense grief of losing someone. Sometimes the emotional pain becomes physical and I hear a woman crying out in mourning. The tears are uncontrollable and it feels like the weight of the world is pressing against my physical body. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up into fetal position, then into a tight ball, and just get smaller and smaller until I wouldn't feel anything anymore.
It has been almost 21 years since my dad passed away. So often I wish I could talk to him. I do talk to him, but I mean I wish I could hear his voice and his words of wisdom. I could always go to him. He understood me. As much I miss both him and my brother, I wouldn't want either of them to ever have to return to the life of pain here on earth. The one thing that I "gained" after losing my dad was the desire to always share how I feel when I love someone. When I love someone, I want them to know without ever a shadow of doubt. I wouldn't want anyone to ever question whether or not I cared about them.
Tad, I am sorry to read about the loss of your father. Life isn't always fair. I do not understand why some who are "good" have to suffer so, and those who are evil seem to joyously go about life unscathed. The only thing I can reconcile within my mind is that when we or a loved one becomes ill and suffers in life, that that time given during an illness allows us to develop bonds and memories that we otherwise would not have developed; and those memories become cathartic during the grief process that follows.
Know that others here understand and care. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm glad you're still together, but that does sound like a very big, difficult change. I know when I'm going through anything like that, getting to sleep is an immense struggle. Truly wishing you so much luck during this transition period. Take it easy and be kind to yourself, because I know this kind of thing can really take its toll. <3
