What are you unhappy about today?

Often times I feel that my words are inadequate. Attempting to convey my thoughts and how I feel seems so insufficiently diminutive. My written expressions of sentiment and/or empathy are more than just words on a screen. There are heart felt emotions behind the mere words.

I believe that death is a part of the process of life. I look at death as a transition, not a finality. Just recently, I have experienced the most difficult thing ever in my life. I lost my best friend and only sibling. I found that no matter how deep my personal convictions, or how strong my belief or faith, that losing my brother has left an encompassing void and emptiness that is more than I can bear at times. I understand the brokenheartedness and the intense grief of losing someone. Sometimes the emotional pain becomes physical and I hear a woman crying out in mourning. The tears are uncontrollable and it feels like the weight of the world is pressing against my physical body. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up into fetal position, then into a tight ball, and just get smaller and smaller until I wouldn't feel anything anymore.

It has been almost 21 years since my dad passed away. So often I wish I could talk to him. I do talk to him, but I mean I wish I could hear his voice and his words of wisdom. I could always go to him. He understood me. As much I miss both him and my brother, I wouldn't want either of them to ever have to return to the life of pain here on earth. The one thing that I "gained" after losing my dad was the desire to always share how I feel when I love someone. When I love someone, I want them to know without ever a shadow of doubt. I wouldn't want anyone to ever question whether or not I cared about them.

Tad, I am sorry to read about the loss of your father. Life isn't always fair. I do not understand why some who are "good" have to suffer so, and those who are evil seem to joyously go about life unscathed. The only thing I can reconcile within my mind is that when we or a loved one becomes ill and suffers in life, that that time given during an illness allows us to develop bonds and memories that we otherwise would not have developed; and those memories become cathartic during the grief process that follows.

Know that others here understand and care. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Like Angel, I know that words are inadequate, but words are all I have to give. I 'll be thinking of you and wishing you comfort.

 

Thank you all so much.

 

I'm sorry Tad. Losing someone sucks.

 

Tad, I am so sorry as well. I wish I had saw this sooner. I lost my father almost 11 years ago and I still think about it every time February rolls around.

 

First let me impart my condolences to you and your family. It is never easy to lose a family member and especially one you've known your whole life. Sounds like your dad was a fighter to the end and that he had a great spirit.

I lost my grandmother almost 3 years ago in a similar way as she passed right before my very eyes. I couldn't watch as they took her body away. It was so hard to see someone who had such verve throughout the entirety of my life just lose it so suddenly. It's one of the reasons I've resolved to live life more passionately from now on.

 

I know there's not much that can really be said in a time like this, but I send you and your family my heartfelt condolences.

 

I am so sorry Tad. My husband just lost his grandfather and his grandmother described it the same way, like he was on a trip and would be back soon. My condolences to you and your family.