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Angel

no apologies for being me
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
2,113
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Often times I feel that my words are inadequate. Attempting to convey my thoughts and how I feel seems so insufficiently diminutive. My written expressions of sentiment and/or empathy are more than just words on a screen. There are heart felt emotions behind the mere words.

I believe that death is a part of the process of life. I look at death as a transition, not a finality. Just recently, I have experienced the most difficult thing ever in my life. I lost my best friend and only sibling. I found that no matter how deep my personal convictions, or how strong my belief or faith, that losing my brother has left an encompassing void and emptiness that is more than I can bear at times. I understand the brokenheartedness and the intense grief of losing someone. Sometimes the emotional pain becomes physical and I hear a woman crying out in mourning. The tears are uncontrollable and it feels like the weight of the world is pressing against my physical body. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up into fetal position, then into a tight ball, and just get smaller and smaller until I wouldn't feel anything anymore.

It has been almost 21 years since my dad passed away. So often I wish I could talk to him. I do talk to him, but I mean I wish I could hear his voice and his words of wisdom. I could always go to him. He understood me. As much I miss both him and my brother, I wouldn't want either of them to ever have to return to the life of pain here on earth. The one thing that I "gained" after losing my dad was the desire to always share how I feel when I love someone. When I love someone, I want them to know without ever a shadow of doubt. I wouldn't want anyone to ever question whether or not I cared about them.

Tad, I am sorry to read about the loss of your father. Life isn't always fair. I do not understand why some who are "good" have to suffer so, and those who are evil seem to joyously go about life unscathed. The only thing I can reconcile within my mind is that when we or a loved one becomes ill and suffers in life, that that time given during an illness allows us to develop bonds and memories that we otherwise would not have developed; and those memories become cathartic during the grief process that follows.

Know that others here understand and care. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
 

Dr. Feelgood

intellectual nerd
Joined
Dec 20, 2006
Messages
4,679
Location
,
Like Angel, I know that words are inadequate, but words are all I have to give. I 'll be thinking of you and wishing you comfort.
 

BigElectricKat

Have a question? PM me!
Staff member
Global Moderator
Joined
May 22, 2017
Messages
1,602
Location
The Midwest
When my son was born, I got home about 4:30 in the morning, and I just had to tell someone. So I logged onto the then Dimensions chat room, and someone I knew was in, and I told her.

The chat room is long gone, but again I'm in need of telling someone and this time it is 11pm.

My father passed away a little while ago. We are waiting for the cremeation services to come and pick up his body. It just feels incredibly surreal, like he is away and we'll be telling him this story next week.

Today he was not responsive, but last night he was still aware enough to greet visitors. Tuesday night he was still getting around with a walker and had dinner with guests. Eight months ago he and my Mom took a three week road trip, driving the whole way. Fuck cancer.

PS the wintery weather had broken today in favor of rain. Pathetic Fallacy always did seem to follow him around.
First let me impart my condolences to you and your family. It is never easy to lose a family member and especially one you've known your whole life. Sounds like your dad was a fighter to the end and that he had a great spirit.

I lost my grandmother almost 3 years ago in a similar way as she passed right before my very eyes. I couldn't watch as they took her body away. It was so hard to see someone who had such verve throughout the entirety of my life just lose it so suddenly. It's one of the reasons I've resolved to live life more passionately from now on.
 

PolarKat

Digital Sun tanning
Joined
Feb 2, 2006
Messages
372
Location
,
The chat room is long gone, but again I'm in need of telling someone and this time it is 11pm.
.
I know there's not much that can really be said in a time like this, but I send you and your family my heartfelt condolences.
 
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lille

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2011
Messages
1,220
Location
,
When my son was born, I got home about 4:30 in the morning, and I just had to tell someone. So I logged onto the then Dimensions chat room, and someone I knew was in, and I told her.

The chat room is long gone, but again I'm in need of telling someone and this time it is 11pm.

My father passed away a little while ago. We are waiting for the cremeation services to come and pick up his body. It just feels incredibly surreal, like he is away and we'll be telling him this story next week.

Today he was not responsive, but last night he was still aware enough to greet visitors. Tuesday night he was still getting around with a walker and had dinner with guests. Eight months ago he and my Mom took a three week road trip, driving the whole way. Fuck cancer.

PS the wintery weather had broken today in favor of rain. Pathetic Fallacy always did seem to follow him around.
I am so sorry Tad. My husband just lost his grandfather and his grandmother described it the same way, like he was on a trip and would be back soon. My condolences to you and your family.
 

lille

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2011
Messages
1,220
Location
,
The house cost more than we were planning so I don’t get the puppy I’ve been waiting two years for. This female may or may not have one more litter in the future.
 

sarahee543

Active Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2016
Messages
41
Location
, f
I'm unhappy because I'm still adjusting to my partner moving out. He went 5 weeks ago. We are still together just now not living together. I miss him so much. I cried at bedtime last night because I miss cuddling up to him. I know lots of people live apart and have long term relationships that way, but it's never ever something I planned for.
I'm sad and angry about the whole situation.
 

ODFFA

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 29, 2012
Messages
1,479
Location
Cape Town, South Africa
Awww, @sarahee543, sorry to hear you're having such a tough time :( I'm glad you're still together, but that does sound like a very big, difficult change. I know when I'm going through anything like that, getting to sleep is an immense struggle. Truly wishing you so much luck during this transition period. Take it easy and be kind to yourself, because I know this kind of thing can really take its toll. <3
 

Volt01

VOLKSWAGEN DRIVING SHORTSTACK LOVING BADASS
Joined
Mar 10, 2019
Messages
183
Location
Canada
im just upset because i made a foolish bet and im close to losing
 
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