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Lamia

Like OMG!!
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It wasn't at all, not in the least. I mean, it spoke directly; and fairly-well, I think; to something people were already talking about.


Thanks. It's one my frustrations as a fat woman and as an FA. My boyfriend is 6'4 and 350 lbs and it's really hard for him to find shirts that don't leave his gut hanging out, because he's all torso. I think it's cute, but other people are going to judge you when you look sloppy. :mad:
 

Dromond

Old school
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https://www.facebook.com/john.m.pedigo, M
I'm frankly sick of hearing the FA whine about how hard it is to get women. It isn't hard at all. BBW/SSBBW are fundamentally no different than their thinner sisters. You treat them with respect, you get respect in return. She's not a vehicle for fat, she's a woman with opinions, emotions, value, and you should treat her as the fellow human being she is. If you're having trouble getting up the courage to ask a woman out, stay away from women until you grow some balls.
 

joswitch

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I'm frankly sick of hearing the FA whine about how hard it is to get women. It isn't hard at all. BBW/SSBBW are fundamentally no different than their thinner sisters. You treat them with respect, you get respect in return. She's not a vehicle for fat, she's a woman with opinions, emotions, value, and you should treat her as the fellow human being she is. If you're having trouble getting up the courage to ask a woman out, stay away from women until you grow some balls.
Y U NO READ THREAD BEFORE POST? :doh:

Much irrelevant. Such non sequitur. :D
 

olwen

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So how'd you manage to get an active dating life then? It sounds like you're essentially in the same boat as me. I'm asking in genuine curiosity because I'm not sure what to do really.

Lately I've hit on so many BHM guys in bars and it never goes anywhere. They rarely even give me their numbers. Someone needs to develop some type of Pick Up Artist advice directed at women because no one ever seems to consider the problem of women who have no game at all. I'm nice and I give specific compliments not generic ones. I don't get what these guys issue is. I don't think it's insecurity like you all on here assume. There's a lot of diversity within the BHM population. They're not all skittish insecure people most of them are absurdly picky and I have no idea what they're looking for.
Fat guys are no more a monolith than women are. They aren't all looking for the same thing. You have to get to know each one you talk to individually to find that out. You just talk to them like you would talk to anyone and if you have a rapport, then ask if they want to go out some time. They will either say yes or now. Doesn't seem that hard to me.
 

joswitch

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Fat guys are no more a monolith than women are. They aren't all looking for the same thing. You have to get to know each one you talk to individually to find that out. You just talk to them like you would talk to anyone and if you have a rapport, then ask if they want to go out some time. They will either say yes or now. Doesn't seem that hard to me.

The vibe I got from Mago's post is that she is waiting for the guy to offer his number? rather than doing the asking herself...
 

fuelingfire

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I always thought of it as a waste looking for BBWs in bars. There usually aren’t any there, or they are with a guy. And after my hopes at the bar are shot, usually some really thin girl will start flirting with me.

I always feel like I see to many thin girls. I do think if I preferred thin or thinner than bbw girls, I would have more options of who to date. But I don’t think it will slow down my future dating.

It’s funny that normally, it seemed like I was invisible to BBWs with one exception. If I was with a BBW, other BBWs seemed to actually stare at me. I always wondered if their FA-dar was kicking in.

I am going through a divorce right now, so I haven’t dated in a long time. When I do start dating again. I plan to go grocery shopping a lot, because I see a lot of BBWs at the store. Not everyone goes to the bar, but everyone needs to eat.
 

magodamilion

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The vibe I got from Mago's post is that she is waiting for the guy to offer his number? rather than doing the asking herself...
No you misinterpreted. I'm not waiting on guys to give me their numbers. I'm approaching guys and they're rejecting me consistently. Hence the problem.

A few stories to further illustrate the struggle:
There was the guy whose roommate I used to be friends with. I asked him if he wanted to hang out over the weekend more then once he kept saying no so I backed off.

There was a guy at a bar who I approached. He bought me a drink we talked for like five minutes then he walked a way as soon as his people wanted him to so I couldn't even ask for his number.

There was one at a bar who I talked to til the place closed, he gave me his number and his facebook. I thought it was super promising til the next day I see on his facebook that he's engaged. So he basically led me on for no reason.

There are two hot BHM's at my work one is gay the other is married.

I'm taking a class right now where there's one I'm very attracted to but he's Christian and Republican which I just can't do.
 

bigmac

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I always thought of it as a waste looking for BBWs in bars. There usually aren’t any there, or they are with a guy. ...


Its been my experience that the number BBWs in bars and clubs varies quite a bit with geography. In New York City (Manhattan) I seldom encountered BBWs in bars. However in places out west where I've lived (Seattle, Portland, Edmonton) I often encountered BBWs at bars and clubs.
 

fuelingfire

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Ok I exaggerated. There are usually a few. I do feel I see more BBWs when I go to Target, Walmart, or any grocery store. Though I should admit, because I was married, I rarely went out to the bars, but was still going to stores.
I do already have a married BBW friend who is volunteering her “wing-man” services for me. So I haven’t completely written off going to bars. Which is great because I really want to test my theory, that being seen with a BBW, reveals if another BBW is interested (by the BBW staring or checking me out). I have written about this in a few of the forums here. But no one said if they noticed this happening to them as well. I told my “wing-man” my theory and she said she thinks there is truth to it.
 

Marlayna

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Ok I exaggerated.There are usually a few. I do feel I see more BBWs when I go to Target, Walmart, or any grocery store.Though I should admit, because I was married, I rarely went out to the bars, but was still going to stores.
I do already have a married BBW friend who is volunteering her “wing-man” services for me. So I haven’t completely written off going to bars.Which is great because I really want to test my theory, that being seen with a BBW, reveals if another BBW is interested (by the BBW staring or checking me out).I have written about this in a few of the forums here.But no one said if they noticed this happening to them as well.I told my “wing-man” my theory and she said she thinks there is truth to it.
I definitely agree with your theory. Hanging around with a BBW friend, will attract other BBWs... at least that's how I felt when I was single.
 

Yakatori

Hard to say, really...
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"I always thought of it as a waste looking for BBWs in bars....I am going through a divorce right now, so I haven’t dated in a long time."
Sorry to hear that, I can imagine it must be really difficult. Otherwise, I think it's a little different for women seeking women, in general. Than men seeking women or vice-vera.

"..I do feel I see more BBWs when I go to Target, Walmart, or any grocery store."
Yeah, that's definitely true; there are always a lot of pretty girls at Target. There's actually a thread-topic on this. Challenging, certainly, but..
 

Tad

mostly harmless
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I definitely agree with your theory. Hanging around with a BBW friend, will attract other BBWs... at least that's how I felt when I was single.
More generally, I observed and several friends said they found the same, having a girlfriend seems to make you more interesting to single women :doh: Or possibly just safer, so they would be more willing to talk to you, mildly fiirt, etc? I could see part of what you are observing being a similar effect, although partly it could be the 'oh, he may be attracted to people like me?' thing too.
 

GypsySummers

Don't dream it be it
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...although partly it could be the 'oh, he may be attracted to people like me?' thing too.
That's definitely how I sadly feel when seeing a person with another bbw. I tell myself "look! You could have a chance! It's already proven that they at least don't MIND big girls if not actually prefer them!!"


When i see guys or small girls I find attractive, the same thoughts always go through my head: "Theyre attractive! Do I think I have a chance? I wonder if they've ever been with a big girl. I wonder if they are repulsed by big girls. Probably. What if they LIKE big girls! Doubt it. They could be curious I guess. What if they don't mind? Yeah but how would that first make out/touching party go when they finally actually see or feel me. Or the first time I get naked. Did we already forget the, "um, I actually got to go. I work early tomorrow". God how mortifying was that! Never again. Why am I even worrying? I'm hot! If they don't like me, screw them! Their loss! Assholes."


And then I don't end up trying. It sounds terrible and sad when written out but that honestly goes through my head EVERY time I am contemplating approaching someone or flirting or when someone attractive talks to me. Even if they seem interested, I start feeling like I am somehow tricking them about my size. Like maybe my outfit or the lighting is deceiving and they think I'm smaller than I am. It's unfortunate. But I have had some mortifying experiences that make me cautious and leery now. If they are already with a bbw, all those thoughts don't enter my head at all because I see that they obviously don't mind.


I'm a really confidant person until I actually like someone. Then I'm ridiculously mean and over judgmental of myself because I'd rather judge myself than someone else judge me.
 

bigmac

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...

Yeah, that's definitely true; there are always a lot of pretty girls at Target. There's actually a thread-topic on this. Challenging, certainly, but..
One of my daughters works a Target (I think she's quite pretty). She's also a taekwondo black belt so don't mess with her.
 

Yakatori

Hard to say, really...
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"Someone needs to develop some type of Pick Up Artist advice directed at women because no one ever seems to consider the problem of women who have no game at all.... I have no idea what they're looking for..."
I don't think anyone actually, credibly, hits on someone else without some basis of attraction. Even if for some type of opportunity or material benefit that doesn't really have so much to do with just that person themselves.

But so what? If someone is (just-initially) attracted to you? Or, conversely, that it does not (so readily) appear to be the case? Or you to them? That's not what really matters or should, to you.

I say, instead of getting hung-up on the issue of whether or not someone is responding to you, or how, or what it means; it's better to more immediately concentrate on who they are. Getting to know them, their attitude, their point of view. Where they are coming from and where they're headed. What their own personal story means to you, aside from anything beyond the most immediate connection. I mean, why are you attracted to them? If you even are...

Once you get a better handle on these types of things, and just with respect to that specific person; then, maybe, you're a little bit inside their head. Then you can more meaningfully interpret the nuance in whatever it is they're putting across. (If there's even any substance to it at all; or, perhaps, maybe more than you can realize just straight-away.)

Of course, I don't really mean anything about withholding your own feelings: Like, I don't mean, per se, that you shouldn't tell someone (or otherwise telegraph) how much you really like them. Or, conversely, how you find them, sort of, shy or aloof. By all means, relate those types of things whenever or however you feel most comfortable with it. However, I do mean more about just about yourself, holding yourself back from projecting too far into any kind of situation, in what expectations you set up for it.

Likewise, I don’t really mean anything about patience, about giving people more of your own time or attention than they actually deserve. If you’re not getting something out of an exchange in proportion to what you feel you put into it, I think that should speak for itself. Just be sure it’s not yourself, your own instincts, you’re losing patience with.

As then, in that case, maybe it's time to re-calibrate a few things, outside of the situation-itself.
 

Yakatori

Hard to say, really...
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"One of my daughters works a Target (I think she's quite pretty). She's also a taekwondo black belt so don't mess with her."
I wasn't even the one who started that thread... But, yeah, there is something to it, some sort of metric involved...

Natural Food stores/Co-Ops as well. But, like I said, you have to be the type of guy/girl who's either good at approaching or approachable-yourself.



Here, I will do mago a solid or two:

"...BHM's at my work one is gay the other is married...I'm taking a class right now where there's one I'm very attracted to but he's Christian and Republican which I just can't do."
Can't really dwell on that too much...

"There was the guy whose roommate I used to be friends with. I asked him if he wanted to hang out over the weekend more then once he kept saying no so I backed off."
Either not-attracted or not-enough attracted for it to sustain whatever type of relationship he assumed you wanted. Which, honestly, is really on him for just making assumptions. Unless, maybe, you did or said something which might've supported such an impression.

"There was one at a bar who I talked to til the place closed, he gave me his number and his facebook. I thought it was super promising til the next day I see on his facebook that he's engaged. So he basically led me on for no reason."
Heh...Well, not really for "no reason" at all. Definitely-interested. In something. Just not the same thing.

"There was a guy at a bar who I approached. He bought me a drink we talked for like five minutes then he walked a way as soon as his people wanted him to so I couldn't even ask for his number."
Possibly-attracted, but maybe you said something which telegraphed either physical or relational incompatibility. Maybe just being kind or polite. Or maybe just a bit demure. This is your target-area, for more & better practice.
 

Yakatori

Hard to say, really...
Joined
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A guy who's single by-choice is a challenge for someone who wants to be in a relationship, because he doesn't really want to be in a relationship.

Conversely, saying a guy's single by-fate would suggest that there's something seriously wrong with him; which, therefore, would make any kind of relationship (with him) less desirable.

Ideally, I think, these FFAs are looking for someone who just-happens-to-be single. For the moment. You know, like a well-priced piece of real estate that only comes on the market every once in a while, and only for a very short time.
 

magodamilion

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Heh...Well, not really for "no reason" at all. Definitely-interested. In something. Just not the same thing.

Possibly-attracted, but maybe you said something which telegraphed either physical or relational incompatibility. Maybe just being kind or polite. Or maybe just a bit demure. This is your target-area, for more & better practice.
Ha yeah you're right. I don't know if he was trying to cheat on his fiance though just because he gave me his facebook page which clearly said it. Eh who knows how people work.

You're other advice sounded good too in the previous comment, I don't know how to do the multiple quote thing so I can answer bits of it.

And as for what Durin said, yeah I'd date a gamer. I just don't know any. I'm not really into that sort of thing so I don't meet anyone who is generally.

Though that makes me wonder if I should develop some nerdier interests to meet guys instead of just going to bars to meet guys. I'm kind of a nerd but not in social ways that involve interacting with people. Either I spend my time doing stuff I enjoy alone or doing stuff with the specific intent of meeting new people/what my friends enjoy (i.e. going out to parties/bars/clubs).
 
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